Why Gen Z is leading the ‘sex recession’
They’re opting out of the bedroom altogether.
Gone are the days of sloppy sex and questionable morning-afters — with study after study proving that not only are we in a sex recession, but Gen Z is leading the charge.
According to the recent research by the Women’s Health Interactive, one in four Gen Z adults haven’t lost their virginity yet.
Plus, while 14 per cent of Millennial men and 12.6 per cent of women aged 25 to 34 hadn’t had sex in the past year, that number was almost 30 per cent of men and 19 per cent of women in the 18 to 24 age range.
So, “Is it a good thing? Is it a bad thing?” Susie Kim, a relationship and intimacy coach, puts to us. “I think for me, it’s less about the sex and more representative of a reduction in connection and intimacy.”
Which, she warns, could have negative impacts on human relationships.
“Are people actually doing the thing where they’re meeting people and putting themselves out there in some way in real life and risking themselves and being vulnerable and actually connecting?” she asks.
Whether it’s intimately or just romantically, or whether it leads to great sex or not, is not the point — Kim is more concerned that people aren’t connecting all together.
So, how did we get here and why is Gen Z spending less time in the bedroom?
They grew up on social media
As the first generation to grow up with the internet in its back pocket, Gen Z doesn’t know a world without social media.
“I think Gen Zs are struggling more with mental health, intimacy and relating to people because of social media, which is pretty harmful to developing brains,” Kim says.
“They’ve got more body image and identity issues and they’re less connected in the real world because they’re all online like 90 per cent of the day.”
The relationship coach explains that it’s left many Gen Zers not good at going out and chatting to people because “they’re so much more used to speaking to TikTok”.
“There is this TikTok personality, like ‘Hi girlies’, but it’s not real, it’s just a character,” Kim says.
“And I think that internet personalities are really becoming harmful for young people, and I think it’s getting in the way of dating as well.”
Their connection needs are being met online
Adding to the negative impacts of social media, is that the rise of technology means we don’t even need to leave the house to ‘connect’ with others.
Whether it’s picking up a date or talking to a mate, everything can be done virtually.
“I think the impact of technology means people are getting a lot of their connection needs met online, when previously it wouldn’t have been an option,” Kim explains. “You had to meet people in person.”
They’re investing less in dating apps
Bumble, Hinge and Tinder can often seem like the only way to meet someone new. Throw in a dose of swiping fatigue and you’ve got a recipe for less sex.
“Everyone hates dating apps but everyone is still on them,” Kim says. “Sure, there are people who’ve sworn them off, but there are a lot of people still on them.”
It doesn’t mean users are taking them seriously however.
“They’re not fully engaging in them because I think the culture of dating apps has gotten worse so I think there’s less investment and people are taking it a bit less seriously.
They’re conforming with the cringe culture
Got the ‘ick’? You’re not alone.
“There’s a lot of shaming online and there’s a lot of pressure on how dating and relationships should be,” Kim says.
She explains that it’s often deemed ‘uncool’ to be cringey — but in reality that’s exactly what happens.
“When you’re getting close to someone and dating and being intimate and having sex, there’s a lot of awkwardness involved.
“And what I see is that there’s not as much tolerance for just that messy, awkward part where you’re not really good at it, which is what we all had as youths.”
In other words, the ick factor is real.
They’re overwhelmed with questionable advice
When you’ve got therapists and psychologists dishing out guidance on sex and relationships on social media, the overload of information can be… a lot.
“There’s so much advice on TikTok and Instagram — some of it good, some of it bad — around what to do and what not to do and it gets really overwhelming and confusing when you’re in real life,” Kim says.
“And I will have conversations with young people where they go, ‘Ah but shouldn’t do this in this situation because it means I’m playing into this pattern or this anxious attachment’.
“So I think they get a bit caught in it, where they’re basically lost in the swamp of advice, so that it kind of exacerbates their own existing anxieties.” Which is really not healthy for anyone.
“I think sometimes the information given can feed into existing patterns of anxiety or avoidance and prevent you from then going out and working through some of the issues you actually have,” Kim says.
“There’s definitely a distinction between are you getting actual therapy, or are you getting TikTok advice?”
They’re not making drunken mistakes
With all the risk aversion and analytical consideration going on, Gen Z have become a more sober generation.
“With drinking, Gen Zs are a lot more intentional,” Kim explains. “They don’t just go out and get blasted. It’s [usually] around an event, or around a concept of something that they’re doing that” — not just for the hell of it.
Compare that with the activities of generations past, and our elders were certainly more carefree.
“We would just say, ‘Oh, he’s hot,’ whereas now there’s so much more consideration,” she adds. “But I do think it can swing into an over consideration and just emphasize anxieties.”
The focus is on friendships
“I think the one cool trend that I’m noticing is that there is less of a hierarchy around relationships,” Kim says.
“There’s a bit more of a discourse on that these days, and people are really valuing their friendships a lot more.”
In other words, mates before soulmates.
“It’s not all about that romantic partner taking up all of your life,” Kim adds.
“There does seem to be a real doubling down on friendship and community, so that’s a really positive outcome of it I think.”
