Asking for an Open Marriage in a Dead Bedroom

The road to ending my marriage.

Where’s the lie? Photo by Jaqueline Fritz on Unsplash

I‘ve turned a corner and am now seriously considering divorce, but I want to talk about open marriages first. Is it as easy as all the articles and comments claim that it is? According to anyone that looks at my marriage from a distance, I have three options when faced with my dead bedroom. For context, I can’t remember the last time I had sex with my husband. It’s been at least 4 years.

My choices, according to some:

1. Accept involuntary celibacy. If I followed the advice of anyone on the eternally depressing High Libido or Dead Bedrooms subreddits, this should be my first option to consider. Invest in really good sex toys, insist on having private time to masturbate. Don’t undress in front of partner, as it could arouse me and then make me sad. Get a doctor to prescribe something to kill my sex drive. Could I live with having sex rarely, most likely not at all, for the foreseeable future?
   Um, NO. This is why I cheat.
2. Get a divorce. Not so easy in my eyes, however. I have always been ambitious and industrious, so my thinking about the possibility of divorce has changed quite recently. In addition to being the primary breadwinner in my household, my spouse is an immigrant with serious chronic health issues, major…