Doing Time at an Adultery Shelter

Adopt a Moon

The Moon Man Chronicles
The Scarlett Letter
3 min readDec 21, 2021

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Margarita Kosior at Unsplash

When the door opens and a female pAPs (Potential Affair Partners) walks in, all the fellow “Dawgs” and I start cleaning up our posts and cages.

However, almost immediately, our odds of being fostered decrease by our age. It is what it is. Most of the old Dawgs have been here for a while, so I’ve started to take advice from them. Some of them had been fostered before, and they come back with these unbelievable stories — stories that make you believe that one day, there’s going to be a place for you.

Man, I can’t wait to get fostered.

We’ve all come up with creative “Subject Lines,” so we stick out from the next Dawg. In this place, the “Subject Line” is like the first indication of our personality.

Pick me!! Pick me!

As if our creativity with the ridiculousness of our situation is indicative of the type of behavior we would exhibit if we were lucky enough to get selected.

So with the creak of the door and the sound of the first step inside, the wheels are in motion. Will this potential lover be located near my territory? This is a Global Adultery Shelter with a couple hundred thousand Dawgs who had the nerve to attempt a fostering situation when they already have an owner. The odds are slim.

Occasionally a female Dawg will be placed in the same area as the rest of the males. When that happens, the other females that occasionally peruse the fellas are quick to let them know, “You’re just here to look; don’t raise your hand. If you like one of them, slide into his DMs and give him a treat.” But most are either too traumatized to message a Dawg out of the blue, while some will take the lead because they are frustrated or curious.

But no matter what, everyone ends up bitten in some respect.

The days and nights are long here. Sometimes we can hear the other Dawgs, both female and male, crying out for attention and love through their cages. Maybe they need a pet or the opportunity to be a Dawg for a little while without all the worrying about rules or what is or isn’t appropriate. Yeah, that’s what we all long for.

A drink, a meal, our belly’s rubbed, maybe we can hump your leg for a bit, and then we’ll go back to our owners.

Some of the Dawgs here do want to be adopted. Some of the Dawgs here want to hump everything and everyone simultaneously. We all have our reasons for being in this place. It’s not all bad, though. There’s a lot of wisdom in these cages, and each one of us Dawgs has a story to tell.

When we wake up, we rush into the shelter as soon as possible in the morning. We all have to see if any pAPs might’ve come through looking for someone and saw our cages empty. Maybe they left us a treat or a note?

A Dawg can dream.

There’s a Dawg for everyone out there. That’s what I’m told. The successful Dawgs that have the stories to tell will attest to that. Well, time to go. I need to spruce up my cage and clean myself in case I get a visitor.

Alejandro Cartagen from Unsplash

Foster a Dawg.

Moon Man

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The Moon Man Chronicles
The Scarlett Letter

I write pieces about the human condition, things that I like, and stories about the debaucheries of my life. simplemanonthemoon@gmail.com