Honest Profile Advice from Your Faery Godmother of Adultery 🧚🏻‍♀️
An email to a client you should read
I don’t like to think of myself as a “tell it like it is” sort of lady, but I don’t like to beat around the bush either. In working with a new client I was sensing some scepticism with my approach, and I get it.
When you spend money on me without communicating with me first I suppose you dont’ know what to expect. With this client he’d been on the dating scene through Adult Friend Finder, but didn’t have much luck — he did find a lady, but Covid killed that off as quick as it started.
When he came to me I was please to see two things:
- He had tried a number of different approaches
- He recognized his approaches weren’t working for him. When I saw that he could say this about himself and what he was doing I had a great deal of hope in our future relationship. A man who can see a failing in himself is a man who values excellence.
The approach he didn’t try? Mine.
In response to his questions, I told him I would tell him why his approach wasn’t working if he wanted me to. He would have to ask because I knew it wouldn’t be flattering. I figured if he got upset, I could remind him that he probably understood the reason I made him ask.
Spoiler Alert — He didn’t get upset! Of course not :-) No one does that to me ❤
Here’s what I sent him
Ha!
As I tell my clients — you don’t pay me enough for me to tell you what you want to hear — so you can expect truthful answers. I’m not unkind tho :-)
I didn’t feel challenged, but I could tell you were out of your comfort zone, which I get. We don’t know each other, so I take it in stride. I do appreciate the fact you were able to understand your approach didn’t work, even if you weren’t sure why.
Here’s an example of his approach
To orient you, this was the profile write-up he suggested. Most women will read it and see some the immediate challenges. Men? I’m not sure, but give it a try—
You and I are adventurous beings who strive to feel happiness deep inside. Our time together will be memorable. Walking together, you can feel the warm breeze through your hair, taking in the smell of flowers as you soak up the sun. My voice is hypnotic, and the feel of our fingers entwined is enlightening. As we dine together, we immediately feel a connection. It feels so natural to discuss our inner feelings with each other. The menu is enticing with so many options, you can almost taste the food before it arrives. When the time comes, you place the food in your mouth and your taste buds begin to tingle with delight as this meal is unlike any other.
A connection has developed that makes our senses dance with delight. We embrace each other’s company and are captivated by conversation. Holding you in my arms provides a euphoric feeling as I caress your back and neck. Intimate and tender encounters such as these create wonderful memories. Lost sensations are reborn. Our spirits are now stronger. Hearts beat faster. As our time together draws to a close, we realize there is a strong bond between us. There is truly magic in the air. What have we ignited? An intense desire to complete each other? Soaking in our last kiss before we depart creates an intense yearning for the next time we are together.
In the days following, a feeling of butterflies absorbs you with anticipation. When will we chat next? I cannot wait for our next amazing experience.
My email continued
What follows is why:
With your profile, it’s a turn-off because you jump straight to intimacy and allude to some magical sexual encounter, but I have no idea who you are. It comes off as overdone and a little awkward. Then you put thoughts and feelings in my head as if to say you’re so irresistible that a date with you is the best thing ever. Now I’m thinking you’re writing checks with your mouth, your butt will have a hard time cashing, and I’m probably laughing, but not in the way you want me to. If I finished reading it before moving on (which I wouldn’t have except you paid me), my first thought would be — Give me a break, Romeo! I’m not sure you’re all that and a bag of chips!
Overall, it is overwritten, too sappy, too suggestive, and too difficult to believe. It does zero for me. Now let me jump in here and say there is a time for that type of word imagery, and it’s during later chats once you have a connection. What you have written is perfect for that, so bonus points to you! She’ll love it when the moment is right.
Editorial Note — there is a place for sexy, intimate, and romatic language like this. I told him that based on his write-up, he was ahead of most men in the game, and that she would love it, when the time was right.
You can’t tell someone how good you are; you have to show them, and you aren’t showing me.
At this point in our “relationship,” I’m more interested in who you are. I want to know you aren’t a creepy weirdo like that last ten guys, a serial rapist, or whatever.
My grocery story analogy
Think of meeting someone online, like walking up to an attractive lady in the produce section of a grocery store. She’s feeling a cabbage to see if it’s good before putting it in her cart. You, too, want a cabbage, so you wander over. Which one of the following would you do first:
a. expose yourself?
b. tell her how you’d love to rub buttery cabbage leaves all over her body.
c. say hello, mention something nice about her choice of cabbage, and ask her how the cabbages look.
Your profile is (b).
The correct answer is (c).
Yes, you are both there looking for cabbage and someone to share it with, but you must show her that she should share it with you. And by cabbage, I mean sex.
Every guy does some version of what you did. Or they write nothing other than a line or two. Neither tells her anything about the guy who wants her to share her cabbage. And before I get naked with anyone, I need to know we are looking for the same sort of cabbage.
There is a 5:1 ratio of active users, men:women. Women do not have to work hard to find sex. They are trying to find sex with someone who isn’t a creepy loser, and where that starts is in the profile.
Trust me; she wants buttery cabbage leaves all over her body and her taste buds savoring someone. Your job is to show her that it’s you.
How do you do that? Show her you’re a nice guy.
She is literally just like your mom, wife, sister, neighbor, colleague, or any other woman you see in the street. That’s what the women of Ashley Madison are like. You need to treat them like that. They are not sex-crazed, good-time girls.
What you do is tell her something about yourself in a non-offensive way. I will use “nice” guy as an expression, but most men are uncomfortable with that. When I say nice guy, I’m referring to an honorable man with gentlemanly and manly qualities who she can trust and feel safe with.
Once I’m there, you can bet that I’ll want you to do all those things you wrote in your profile — but not before I know you’re safe.
So, for clarification, when I say nice, what I am not referring to is a loser. I’m referring to a man. When I say nice, I want you to read it like this:
a. Nice = not a rapist.
d. Nice = regular guy.
e. Nice = not a creepy loser.
f. Nice = not a freak.
j. Nice = not needy
k. Nice = not possessive
I find my American clients have a harder time with this word than others, so I wanted to clarify it, lol :-)
I am going long like this for two reasons:
a. 99% of women appreciate my approach, which I call “low and slow,” even if you aren’t the guy for her, they generally like it.
b. Halfway through, I thought it would make a great story, so I will do that ❤️ (and here we are ❤)
The bottom line is this — in the next month, you can ask me anything related to your affair/cheating. Question me, question my advice. Literally, ask me anything about cheating, and I will answer or find out and get back.
You have put a lot of trust in me, and I will show you why you can. The only thing I will not do is get suggestive with you. So you can ask about anything and be as detailed as you want. It won’t bother me. Where it bothers me is if you tell me you’d like to do it to me.
But don’t worry, I’ll steer you back on target in such a nice way that you will likely love me more when I’m done, lol
And he came back with a nice reply, as you’d expect:
Wow!!! I suppose that I did ask for that!
I should start by saying that you have an incredible gift in the way you communicate. I often get frustrated at work because people do not properly respond to emails, especially when questions are involved. I can honestly say that I am a better person now based on the information you have provided.
I’ve known that men and women do not think the same and your breakdown provided valuable insight. And to think, my profile approach was supposed to resemble a romance novel. Obviously, I am not a writer! Your grocery store analogy was outstanding. I’m glad to know that I am not alone amongst my gender.
I’m sure that I’ll be asking a lot of questions moving forward and rest assured, I will not cross boundaries with you. Remember…….I’m a nice guy!!
He is a nice guy. All of my clients are nice guys, which I love about them and this work. I suppose the other reason they are all nice is because I won’t work with men who aren’t nice.
Takeaway
This lesson is one most of my clients need early on. The most important takeaway is the fact she is just like your mom, sister, wife, or any other regular lady in your life. Because of that, you need to treat her that way. Yes, she wants sex. Yes, she will want all the things from you. Yes, she will be totally into you. If she can trust you.
Your job? Build that trust, starting in your profile.
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© Teresa J. Conway, 2023
