How to Tell That Ashley Madison Chick She Ain’t For You
Without Being a Dick or Casper the Ghost
My clients often ask me how to get rid of a woman they aren’t interested in. It could be for looks, crappy chat, or whatever. The bottom line is there’s no chemistry, and they often don’t know what to say. Unlike women, men don’t often encounter this, so it can leave them a little confused.
Although I write about adultery, online dating is online dating, so my advice applies to anyone in this situation!
I received this message today, and it’s usually what all my clients’ questions look like —
For those listening in, here’s what my client wrote —
Hello. What is a nice way to tell a woman she is not my type. This woman reached out to me. We only had 2 exchanges. She liked my pics. Sent me hers. I’m just not attracted to her. Not my style to block or ignore. Even though I’m blocked and ignored a lot. I feel bad in a way. Guess I could just say
“thank you for sending me your pics. You are not my type. I wish you the best “?
Online dating is a labyrinth of pain and little pleasure for both men and women. It’s filled with mixed signals, infrequent replies, the unspoken don’t text too much rule, unexpected boundaries such as unsolicited images, and probably the worst feeling of all — being ghosted.
So stumbling on any connection can initially spark excitement and be thrilling. However, you may face the sobering realization that she’s not for you.
The challenge is tactfully conveying your lack of interest without making her feel like a piece of dog poop.
Online Dating Can Be Uncomfortable
It’s essential to acknowledge the discomfort that wanting to get rid of her can generate. You’ll experience a pang of guilt for not reciprocating someone’s interest is understandable, particularly if you’ve encountered your share of online rejections. But bear in mind expressing your feelings honestly, albeit kindly, is always better than ghosting or stringing her along until she gets the message.
Diplomacy in Dumping
How can we maintain this delicate equilibrium? The solution lies in the art of diplomacy. Rather than bluntly stating, “You’re not my type,” think about conveying that you’ve formed a connection with someone else and are considering exploring that prospect.
This is the same answer I give all of my clients —
For my listeners —
Tell her you connected with someone and are exploring that. Thank her for reaching out and wish her the best of luck.
This approach focuses on the unfortunate situation, “Awe shucks if we’d only connected last week!” And it refrains from critiquing her flaws and reinforcing her low self-esteem issues like, “Your boobs are small, and your face? Jesus. No thanks,” would.
Take the High Road & Lie
Here’s an example of a nice way to let her down:
“I genuinely appreciate your interest and the effort you’ve taken to connect. At present, I am pursuing a potential relationship with someone else and would like to see where it leads. I hope you understand. Best of luck in the hunt!”
This way, you avoid judging her appeal or compatibility and instead articulate your position nicely. Don’t forget we all navigate our insecurities and vulnerabilities in the digital dating landscape.
Not being a shit can help sprinkle some kindness that can ripple through the cesspool.
‘Green Shirt’ Profiles
Unfortunately, not everyone will be considerate. There will be dudes who block or ignore her, thrusting her into a numbing void of silence.
If someone does this to you, maybe their reactions mirror their own dating experience, so don’t take it as a reflection of your worth. We all know being blocked or ghosted sucks.
But take heart; that you’re chatting means you distinguished yourself from the crowd! Which is my entire focus when I’m working with my clients. I know how to make them stand out, and they do!
You’re not just another “green shirt” in a sea of shitty profiles. “Green shirt” means being unremarkable, lost in the flood of run-of-the-mill methods. Instead, you’re the guy who champions respect and empathy, and that will set you apart from the rest of the clowns.
Takeaway
Not being attracted to someone and telling them you’re not interested is fine. It doesn’t require harsh judgments, cold rejections, or being a jerk about it. It involves expressing yourself respectfully or making a non-hurtful lie. Finding an affair partner is about making the right connection if that’s what you’re looking for, and part of that is attraction.
What’s the point of cheating otherwise?
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This article was prepared with the assistance of Open.ai’s ChatGPT 4. Did it do everything? Nope, not even close. For one thing, it isn’t allowed to say “shit.”
Married dating support for men!
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© Teresa J. Conway, 2023
