I Would, but I Can’t
The off-limits places for finding a pAP
I may be a dirty, rotten cheat. No, actually, cancel that…..
I am a dirty, rotten cheat. However, I have some rules of engagement. Maybe I have no morals, but I have a devious brain. I’ve considered this stuff so you, dear reader, can be better informed before you dip your …..toe in the water.
OPSEC, remember?
For anyone considering exploring an affair, these rules might help minimize the damage that affairs could create.
For the best insider trading info on affairing, first, you need to understand the rules —
The OG Rules
You need to understand the gut-wrenching clarity of the free advice MonalisaSmiled gives first.
The next step after fantasizing about an affair is a doozy. Going from considering it to doing it, is not for the feeble. But if you’re still down wit’ OPP (thanks, Naughty By Nature), then here’s some of my advice:
There are some places and situations that I have ruled firmly out of the options for finding a pAP (Potential Affair Partner). You, dear reader, might disagree. No problem. But you’re far braver, or more reckless, than me.
The Workplace
That totally gorgeous colleague that ticks all the attraction boxes and is definitely friendlier than “just a workmate?” Fantasies only, dear reader. Go your absolute hardest picturing their beautiful face or lust-provoking body while you masturbate to orgasmic heaven. No harm is coming (you decide on whether it is intentional; I’m not doing all the hard work for you) from that.
But, for me, getting your honey where you get your money is a total no go zone.
There are already considerable risks in extramarital horizontal dancing. Getting caught could mean divorce, significant financial damage, ongoing embarrassment, loss of friends, and loss of respect.
Add in the possibility of losing your income, and that fantastic fuck you enjoyed suddenly becomes way less memorable. Or more memorable, for all the wrong reasons.
You can be sure of one thing.
If your employer is suddenly embroiled in two of their staff breaking the moral codes around the sanctity of marriage, one or both of you is headed for the exit door. Nothing surer — For any number of reasons:
Maybe one of the directors is a God-fearing traditionalist. Or because the other employees are talking. Because the company has reputation and workplace safety issues to consider. Because suddenly, several of your other colleagues want nothing more to do with you or way more to do with you. Conversations around the water cooler suddenly become very uncomfortable.
Whatever the reason, someone is for the high jump. One, or both, of you is suddenly unemployed, and your reference won’t make good reading to any future employers.
So you’ve burned your marriage, your home, your standing among family & friends, and your pay cheque. Ouch.
Not worth the risk, no matter how hot her butt looks in her Corporate suit.
Familiar Territory
Got a favored coffee shop? Grocery store? Deli? Somewhere where you and your spouse regularly go, together, or sometimes separately?
Then keep it in your pants or lace panties. Because you have no idea if the staff have big mouths. Or no concern with your predicament. Or even they might enjoy a bit of drama as a slideshow to their boring lives.
So that in-depth conversation you just had with that hot, friendly stranger, the sneaky flirting, the stolen glances, might have been observed.
Til Tuesday told us, all those years ago, — Voices Carry.
Maybe no one overheard a word you said. You could pass it off as just a conversation between friends or casual acquaintances. But it only takes one suggested, or snide, comment in front of your betrothed, and you’re toast.
“Oh! Are you two a couple? Oh, I thought you were with that (insert hot redhead or suited dark handsome here) you were talking to last Friday…” and suddenly, you have a problem, Houston.
While it may not sink your secret ship on the spot, suddenly, you’re under suspicion, at the least. The first element of your OPSEC manifest is available for enemy scrutiny. The potential affair is over before it begins.
The Nightclub/Bar/Pick-up Joint
Alcohol and secrecy don’t mix. Ever.
Her work colleague looks completely different in her dance outfit & with her hair down. It’s dark, but not that dark. How do you know your sneaky kiss on the dance floor wasn’t observed in the crowd of complete strangers, except one isn’t a stranger at all?
You may not have even seen his golfing buddy at the room's far end. But he saw the handsome man’s hand under your skirt while you grooved to Tay Tay blaring from the sound system.
You let your guard down after your fourth Espresso Martini. And suddenly, your night out “with the gang from work” looks less like a casual party night and more like you were prowling for a growling.
If you must get out on the town and try your best lines, do it in another city, where your slurred judgment is less likely to land you in the manure of unaware observation.
Tinder
Surprised? Well, let me tell you a little story.
I know a lady; she’s a work colleague of my spouse's. Separated about a year ago, she’s dating and looking. She has a Tinder profile. Nothing much to be concerned with there, eh potential cheater?
Wrong. She, I’m led to believe, and many other women have their “real” profile, plus they have one or two decoy profiles. Using photos they found online, they use these decoy accounts to filter out guys who are lying, who are hitting up every female in their local area, and who might have some questionable…..interests when it comes to sex or attitudes towards women.
I actually think that’s very smart on their behalf. I’ve heard some of the stories she had related about guys who seemed likable enough pinged her real profile, only to be flagged “never” after they also indicated interest in one of her decoys.
Do you want to know the really scary part for those shopping for shady deals?
One of her decoy accounts is a married woman seeking married men.
Yep. It’s how she gets rid of the “ring hiders,” as she calls them. So that attractive woman you think might be a pAP turns out to be, firstly, not real, and secondly, might be your spouse’s sister, work colleague, or friend. And you just swiped yourself into a well full of shit.
Fuck, Bedswerver, how the hell am I ever going to connect with an AP?
Good question. Every option you choose involves some risk. I suggest restricting your shopping to dedicated places like r/naughtyfromneglect, r/affairs, or Ashley Madison. At least it gives you some security that the potential playmates there are in a similar position as you. So, there should be a similar level of understanding, discretion, and secrecy.
So that’s cutting your risk factor down. Think of it this way: Every casino and bookmaker that has ever made a single dollar uses a simple formula to calculate the odds in their favor. It’s known as risk management, and it basically boils down to removing as many potential bad outcomes for them before they assess the odds they’ll offer on the bet you want to make.
Smart affairers should do exactly the same. Think about where and how your true identity, if revealed, could be relayed back to your spouse. And try to remove as many of them as possible.
This may mean it takes a bit longer, or you must work harder to find the “one.”
But if you don’t care about being found out, taking extra precautions might make everything much better for you and your pAP.
Why?
If you both have fewer concerns about being uncovered, then you’ll feel safer, and when you feel comfortable, then your connection, your relationship, and the sex will be way, way better.
You’re very welcome.
Please clap, share, and consider sending me a million bucks. Well, ok, $5. Seriously. I’ll appreciate you forever and will provide references to your prospective employers, bank, or pAP’s.
