If You don’t Feel Guilty about Cheating…
I know there are plenty of people out there — some with very impressive professional credentials — who will tell you that if you’re cheating on your partner and you don’t feel guilty about it, you’re a narcissist. Or a sociopath. Or a psychopath. Or all of those things combined!
But not feeling guilty about cheating doesn’t mean that you’re any of those things. Not feeling guilty about cheating doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. (For more about why this is true, tune into this week’s episode of “Your Secret is Safe with Me.”)
Moreover, not feeling guilty about cheating can be a great advantage. Feeling guilt usually doesn’t inspire us to do anything great. I know there are people out there who will tell you that feeling guilty somehow makes people stop doing “bad stuff” and reform their evil ways, but that’s not how it works. Self-acceptance is a far better motivator of sustainable changes than self-reproach.
So if you want to resolve your infidelity situation — and “resolving” an infidelity situation looks different for everyone — not feeling burdened by guilt can be a real plus. (That said, if you do feel guilty, there are ways of dealing with that! The point isn’t to attempt to ignore guilt, if you do feel it.)
However… the absence of guilt will not, in and of itself, enable you to resolve your infidelity situation. Not feeling guilty may feel better than feeling guilty, but for a lot of people, it isn’t an ultimate solution.
That’s why it’s so important to look beyond guilt to responsibility. Meaning, response-ability. If you want to deal with your infidelity situation in a way that you feel good about, it’s essential to take the bull by the horns and take responsibility for all of the parts of the situation that you have the power to control.
That doesn’t necessarily mean you stop doing whatever you’re doing! Plenty of people decide to keep cheating, and sometimes that’s totally satisfactory. But if you’re going to do that, you’re definitely going to have to take responsibility for how you manage your thinking about your situation.
But you might want to put an end to whatever you’re doing, infidelity-wise, and if you do, wallowing in guilt — or worrying about what it means if you DON’T feel guilty — isn’t going to help you make choices or changes.
So if you feel guilty about cheating, find a way to deal with that. If you don’t feel guilty about cheating, don’t fret. Go beyond guilt, and focus on what you can be response-able for instead… so that you can take charge of your situation and feel great about the way you’re living your life.
For more on guilt and response-ability related to infidelity, tune into this week’s episode of “Your Secret is Safe with Me.”
