Overcoming Ghosting and Moving On
When a simple search reveals more than expected
Ghosting in any relationship, including an affair, can leave deep scars. But sometimes, a simple Google search can be surprisingly therapeutic. This story unfolds the journey of a lady who found closure by finding and looking at some ugly pics of her former affair partner (AP) online.
Ghosting and Breadcrumbing Suck
Breadcrumbing: involves sending out sporadic, non-committal messages that keep a person interested despite having no intention of building a relationship. The OP’s journey with her AP began with breadcrumbing, leading to an ongoing cycle of hope and disappointment that eventually ended in ghosting.
Ghosting: the sudden and unexplained cessation of all communication within a relationship, leaving the ghosted individual in confusion and pain. The OP’s experience captures this, as she describes feeling “gross, used, ugly” after being ghosted.
The Painful Reality of Being Ghosted
“I felt gross, used, ugly and like I was bad at sex and scared him away,” confesses the original poster (OP) about being ghosted by her AP.
The emotional shitshow that followed the ghosting was intense. “Had to detox and get rid of everything that reminded me of him,” she added, speaking to the extreme challenge of moving on from someone you had romantic feelings for.
The Turning Point
In a moment of weakness, the OP Googled her AP and stumbled upon unflattering pictures of him at work.
“But there was something about seeing him that killed all attraction I used to have for him,” she revealed. She described seeing some candid work pictures he’d put up on LinkedIn that someone else had taken, and that’s when it clicked for her. His plainness. His ugliness. His normalness.
The moment became a turning point for her, helping her overcome the lingering attachment she’d felt for eight months after there only in-person meeting.
The Phenomenon of ‘The Ick’
A regular commenter coins this feeling as “The Ick,” a term that swiftly gains acknowledgment among the community. One supports this sentiment, “It’s the best fucking revenge.”
The thread was filled with others who’d experienced similar situations. “It’s hard to get rid of the ick once you get it,” a commenter adds, emphasizing how initial attractions can sour dramatically. Another relates, “Saw my ex AP yesterday… and all I could think was ‘ICK. wtf was I thinking?’”
Closure and Self-Realization
The OP’s experience becomes a catalyst for introspection and growth among the community. “What someone manifests on the inside, shows on the outside,” was added, and it’s true. It’s hard to hide your inner self.
The discussion evolves into a deeper conversation about attraction and physical appearance. One very smart and sexy commenter who might look a little like me observed, “The high priority is on attraction, which isn’t necessarily physical appearance.” This was in response to someone who’d asked about the priority on physical appearance where ick was concerned. Attraction and physical appearance don’t always go hand-in-hand.
The OP revealed what seeing him like that did for her —
“I can finally see him as a person who wasn’t good for me.”
It’s a realization about seeing past infatuation in a new light and understanding a person's true nature. When that happens, you can finally move on, if you hadn’t to that point.
Takeaway
This story isn’t just about overcoming a failed affair; it’s about the power of perspective. A Google search became the bucket of cold water she needed to finally heal and move one. It should remind everyone that sometimes, moving on requires seeing the ugly in a person who did an ugly thing.
Ghosting and breadcrumbing suck. They suck because they hurt people. If you aren’t into it, just tell them. There’s no need to be a jerk.
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© Teresa J. Conway, 2023
