The Other Man’s Dilemma: When She’s Pregnant, But Not By You
Navigating the Emotional Maze of Adultery and Pregnancy
How should the “other man” feel and react when his affair partner becomes pregnant by her husband?
My baby days are well behind me to the point I’d be more surprised than Mary was when god knocked her up. I’m pretty sure my conception wouldn’t be as immaculate, but it would be a hell of a lot hotter. I’d never settle for some magic sexless “there ya go, babe” from anyone.
Momma has her needs too. There’s a reason I don’t drink decaf.
I guess what surprised me about this post was I’d never considered this situation. What would it be like having an affair with someone while prego?
“Is This a Normal Situation?”
“Is this a normal situation?” Tom asks. He’s been in an affair for a year, and his partner just dropped the pregnancy bomb on him. He’s single and has no children, but had told her he wanted to have a baby with her.
“I’m very confused. Any thoughts?” Tom adds.
Well, Tom, you’re not alone. In a different light, it would be like telling your girlfriend you wanted a baby with her, and she gets pregnant by someone else.
Reddit had some answers and advice. For me, if I got pregnant, I’d likely end my affair or put it on ice. I’m not sure why, but that’s my gut feeling.
“You Still Need to End This”
“Warned you over a month ago to end this,” says Sarah. “This was never going to happen for you. Just bow out.” Sarah’s advice is blunt but resonates with many.
When you’re the other man, and she gets pregnant by her husband, it’s a sign that you’re not the priority. It’s a harsh reality, but it’s one you need to face.
“Are You Sure It’s Her Husband’s?”
Now, here’s a question. “Are you sure it’s her husband’s?” asks Mike. While it may be tempting to entertain the idea that the baby could be yours, it’s a dangerous path to tread.
“Ouch! That was uncalled for, very insightful, but you aren’t supposed to say it out loud,” adds Lisa.
The point is, don’t let wishful thinking cloud your judgment. Some men like to think they’ll step up when the time comes because they watch too many romcoms. Reality is much different, including the possibility she got pregnant with you so her hub could have a child…
“Take Heart That It Wasn’t Yours”
“Take heart that it wasn’t yours in these circumstances and walk away wiser,” advises John.
This offers a silver lining. If you’re not ready for the responsibilities of fatherhood, especially in a complicated relationship, then her pregnancy might be a wake-up call for you to step back and reassess.
“You’re NOT Going to Have a Baby With Her”
“You’re NOT going to have a baby with her. The sooner you recognize this, the better your future will be,” says Emily.
It’s a tough pill to swallow, but Emily’s words ring true for many men in this situation. If she’s having her husband’s child, the chances of her leaving him for you diminish significantly.
“Nothing About Affair Life is Normal”
“Nothing about affair life is normal. Next steps? End the affair. This will not go well for you,” warns Paul.
Affairs are complicated, and adding a pregnancy into the mix makes it even more so. If he’s looking for a simple, straightforward relationship, this isn’t it.
“Honestly, This is a Train Wreck”
“Honestly, this is a train wreck. Get out. It’s the only answer,” says Karen. When your affair partner becomes pregnant by her husband, it’s a clear sign that you’re not in a sustainable adultery situation over the long term.
My other thought is you’re telling your affair partner that you want to have a kid with her, maybe you want to find a girl and settle down. The pregnant girl has already settled down and is not going to be available for the next 20 years.
Takeaways
Many people probably fantasize about their affair turning into a long-term relationship. I get it. I’m there too, but doing that is a lot harder than you think. When she gets pregnant by her husband, there’s a reality check. You’re not going to be the priority anymore. Neither is her husband. That baby will be for a long time.
Affairs are emotionally complex, and a pregnancy can only heighten them. If she gets prego, step back and assess your feelings and the situation objectively. There’s a high probability that you need to move on. If you thought you’d have a relationship with her one day, her pregnancy will kick that day way down the road.
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© Teresa J. Conway, 2023
