What Are We Worth?

Is fear too big a price?

Chances are if you are in a dead bedroom, you are not being valued correctly.

Sex aside.

Do your feelings and needs matter less?

All the things you seem to slave over fade to the back burner, like the mashed potatoes that you worked hard on making perfectly. Mincing melted garlic and stirring in the butter and cream, rippling the subtle smoothness of each spoonful.

“You like the mashed potatoes, babe?”
“Eh, too much garlic!”
Or worse yet, no answer.

Your soul wilts on zero appreciation from your glorified roommates’ lips.

I mean being told what isn’t funny, or what not to wear, or that you are laughing too loud, or acting up, or being crazy, or that your ideas are stupid, may sound like mental cruelty.

You aren’t valued. Plain and simple.

What’s worse is relationships that are built on a hierarchy of boss/employee structure. And while it didn’t start like that, Type A personalities will grab control an inch at a time, until you are asking if you can go pee.

“Why would you cook that, that way?”
“You’re not wearing that are you?”
“Why aren’t you watching where you are going?”
“Why didn’t you take the road I said?”
“That isn’t funny!”

What isn’t funny is being devalued.

While we married to decent people, providers, and parents; they can suck at being marriage partners. When we were looking for a mate, we thought about things we needed at that time. As we get older those things changed, just as much as the people we married changed. And yet some things remain the same, and we cling to those things like a scared baby does its binky.

Fear again.

We were also taught to marry someone to grow old with. What a dumb adage! I want to be with someone who makes me stay young! Not old!

Marrying someone who is like your parent is pretty commonplace, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201405/why-your-partner-may-be-your-parent

“I still have issues with feeling capable and doing things right. Unfortunately, I married my mother and was never able to feel competent in my husband’s eyes, either. I also never really felt loved by him, in the same way, I didn’t feel loved by my mother.”

And I married my father, where nothing I do is good enough, and I am never enough.

Yet we persevere through each year to the next, and await our significant other’s approval like our mom or dad? The kind that never comes?

When do we change the narrative? Play a different role?

We stay in this safe, secure, no-fun, no sex, no joy asylum. Why? Because we are afraid of the unknown!

Meanwhile, if it was our friend, we would tell them, “Get out and go enjoy life! Time is not guaranteed. Go find your happiness, go meet someone who makes you feel special, loved, and joyful.”

Because there is one truth, if you stay in your comfortable chamber of sadness, that person is never going to change. They will be like the Titanic; taking you down with them.

So like the song:

Worth It (feat. Kid Ink)
By Fifth Harmony

Give it to me, I’m worth it
Baby I’m worth it
Uh huh, I’m worth it
Gimme gimme I’m worth it

Go get what you are worth!

I am!