By Ryan Huynh

It’s been 768 days since I first met her
I didn’t think much of her; to me, she was just another girl in my life

It’s been 472 days since I first fell for her
I remember opening my eyes one day and seeing her wide smile, the way her hair framed her cheerful face and sparkling eyes; she was beautiful

It’s been 385 days since I told my best friend about her
He didn’t seem THAT interested in her; after all, they went to different schools, so there was no way that they would even see each other

It’s been 380 days since I planned to ask her to the winter ball
I told my best friend about my plan; he knew how much I liked her

It’s been 317 days since they first met each other
It was during an Interact meeting and I was finally happy to show my best friend who my crush was

It’s been 310 days since they started to like each other
I told myself I wasn’t going to become sad like I always do; she was just a girl to me

It’s been 300 days since they became “official”
He’d tell me all about his cute conversations and how much they liked each other; I’d just smile and laugh along

It’s been 295 days since he told me he was going to ask her to his dance
He was using my plan too, I couldn’t believe him; even so, I’d just smile and laugh along

It’s been 289 days since I last spoke to her
Conversation died after my best friend told her I had feelings for her; it’d be awkward to keep talking to her, knowing that my best friend and she were together, so I’d just smile and laugh along

Some people ask me: how do you see this now in hindsight?

I never saw it at the time, but I couldn’t accept the fact that she was with my best friend. When I was with her, I was a better person. I learned to appreciate the beauty of life, and for me, she was my happiness. When I was with her, I smiled wider and laughed harder. Nobody else could make me do that.

As I grew up, I learned that some people bring out the best in me, and some people bring out the worst in me. She was one of those rare, addictive ones that bring out the most in me. Of everything. She made me feel so alive I’d follow her into hell without a second thought. Call it whatever you want; it was a crazy, stupid, convoluted form of infatuation. But it was there. I felt it.

I never realized how much I wanted her and blindly thrust my affection and care into her until I stopped talking to her. The way I see life is that you’re in a car in the midst of pouring rain. Eventually, you go under the bridge and everything stops. It goes silent, it’s almost peaceful. For once in a long time, you’re content. Then you get out from under the bridge and everything hits you a little bit harder. Our bridges can be anything, for me, she was my bridge.

People tell me that I’m too young to experience feelings like this, and something as insignificant as this shouldn’t matter. But those people are too old to remember, and significance is a matter of relativity. 
She was my anchor, and I lost her.

It’s been 140 days since I started to get over her

There have been numerous crying sessions and countless sleepless nights, but I could look at her without feeling the same rush of emotions I felt before. The last time I cried were tears of joy; the tears that I should’ve wept but didn’t. For the first time in a long time, I could smile genuinely

It’s been 50 days since I moved schools

I had moved from a private to public school, leaving all my old friends and old memories behind. I was determined to start as a fresh person who would not fall for someone again

It’s been 45 days since I met her

I didn’t think much of her; to me, she was just another girl in my life

It’s been 18 days since I fell for her

I remember opening my eyes one day and seeing how her smile lit up her eyes; how her laugh shook her whole body and always brought a smile to my face; she was perfect

It’s been 3 days since I finally told someone who I liked

I really trusted her, and I was confident that she would honor her word

2 more days until I can see her again

No matter how hard I try, she can never leave my mind, because she touched my heart in a way I never thought possible. She showed me that there still could exist romance in life after death. She showed me that moving on was a matter of choice and not circumstance. She showed me that I could see find the same wonderful bloom and shine in another person. I wish I could show her how I appreciate the beauty of the world in a thousand ways, and then I would tell her how I appreciate the beauty of her in a million ways

15 more days until I ask her to Homecoming

Here goes nothing

I created this piece during the fall of 2016.

My inspiration for this piece was for a girl I liked in middle school and my moving to a private high school. I am a sentimental adolescent who is just trying to find happiness and meaning in a confusing and endless world. I am a fairly mellow person, but the things that always infuriate me are loud cars and excessive swearing.

I want to give readers either the remembrance or the experience of what it feels like to be a hopeless teenager in the modern world.