The paradox of resolutions
Finding the right balance between dreaming big and getting sh*t done
Resolutions and the cat
It’s that time of year again when resolutions are everywhere but so too are the hints of old habits threatening to get in the way. Studies tell us that more than 90% of people who set resolutions fail to keep them and yet we keep coming back to this practice time and time again. Whether you’re a resolution-setter or not, there are reasons that resolutions work. You just have to understand and embrace the paradox that exists.
In our last post, Irina Povolotckaia introduced us to the famous Schrödinger’s cat experiment in quantum mechanics, where a cat in a box is simultaneously alive and dead until the box is opened. Two versions of reality exist until we can actually observe the cat in the box and determine its fate. If we expand the meaning of this experiment to the idea of resolutions, then two versions of ourselves also exist.
One version is the future self, motivated and focused, that has not only set resolutions but successfully arrived at checking all of them off as done; the other, the current self, is the one that feels overwhelmed or just doesn’t know how to follow through. Just like the cat’s fate, our success or failure in sticking to our resolutions remains uncertain until we “open the box” and actually take action toward one outcome or the other.
Looking back
When Sarah Karp paused at the start of this year to do a mini retro on her 2023 resolutions, she realized that she struggled the most with a perceived tension between the version of herself that she envisioned (a person who wakes up early and finds some sense of routine) vs the version of herself that she really is (slightly habit-averse and definitely not a morning person). Here’s how things turned for her in 2023:
- Read 15 books (ended up reading 26 🎉)
- Share content twice a month (averaged one share a month instead 🧐)
- Work out for 7 minutes every day (yeah….she stopped tracking this one 🤣)
This tension turned out to be somewhat artificial in that it wasn’t so much about the resolutions than the things she was doing to accomplish them. No one was telling her she had to become a morning person in order to work out, read, or write every day. No one was telling her that she had to have a rigid routine for the entirety of the year. Resolutions shouldn’t be about becoming someone else, rather they’re about finding the right habits or strategies to put in place.
Here are three “paradox strategies” that can help you approach resolutions with a fresh perspective this year:
Paradox 1: Dream big and set realistic milestones
One of the reasons that resolutions work is because they push people to dream big. One of the reasons they fail is because they tend to come with unrealistic milestones.
When Sarah was stuck on how to move towards her goal of “stress less” (which, let’s face it, we all need to do in this mad world we’re in), she turned it into a goal to “read for 10 minutes when stressed”. As a result, the goal became less about a huge personal behavior change and more about a smaller, more approachable habit change. The goal also became more measurable like SMART goals for those of you who are tasked with writing and managing those at work.
So, take those big dreams and break them down into SMART milestones. Think of every little milestone like a chunk of change you’re putting into your goals savings account. It’s those small actions that you can take today — and every day — that add up to something big.
Paradox 2: Celebrate wins and embrace challenges
Every time you’ve reached a milestone to get to your goal, celebrate it. This positive reinforcement will help you stay motivated. And for a real biological reason.
On the chemical level, there are a number of hormones at play on the road to neural plasticity (i.e. your ability to adapt to intrinsic or extrinsic stimuli…more on that in upcoming blog posts). Long story, short, every time you stop to celebrate a milestone, you activate a little dopamine release. Being the hormonal junkies that humans are, you’ll want more of that and so a sustainable system for resolutions emerges.
It’s not all wins, though, and not everything has to be Insta-perfect. Those grumpy, angry, or challenging days can also inspire creativity, so embrace both sides of the scale. Just remember to check in with yourself if you’re going too far in one direction. Never be afraid to ask for help 🤍.
Paradox 3: Be kind and hold yourself accountable
Some days will be harder than others. On these days, remind yourself that progress is not linear and be kind to yourself. If you struggle to get motivated again, call up an accountability buddy (a partner, roommate, friend, etc).
Irina Povolotckaia has a technique that you can try on the days when you might fall into the “I’m not enough” or “Nothing is working” trap. It goes something like this: find a quiet space, maybe meditate to calm down and lower your pulse for 5 minutes, and then bring forward the image of yourself as a child. Now, are you generally mean to children? We’re guessing not. Then, why are you mean to yourself? Hold that image of baby you. I bet your urge to scold that chubby-cheeked cherub will start to melt away. The faster trick is to have your baby picture (if you have one) somewhere tucked away but on hand, so you have a physical reminder to lean into this practice.
Your inner child is for you to nurture and protect and be kind to, your adult self is the one who’s getting shit done so that your baby self can have what they want. ❤️
Looking forward
Okay, well this has to be the most that we’ve ever used the word ‘paradox’ in a post. (It’s a fun word though, hey.) All wordplay aside, we strongly believe that you can set yourself up for success this year by understanding the dual nature of your intentions and actions, just like Schrödinger demonstrated with his cat experiment.
Remember that resolutions are all about embracing the tension between your current and future self. Remember too that resolutions don’t have to be tied to January 1st. While having this milestone is helpful, missing it doesn’t mean you’ve missed your chance to work towards something big. At the end of the day, our lives aren’t shaped by the resolutions we set each year. They’re shaped by the actions we end up taking.
So, here’s to daring to open the box. Here’s to finding the strategies that work for you. And here’s to a more peaceful and productive 2024. If you’ve set resolutions this year or are trying something new, comment away and let us know what you’ve learned so far.
The Schrödinger’s Cat is a newsletter by Irina Povolotckaia and Sarah Karp. Subscribe to get a mix of personal stories, interviews with experts, and practical coaching tips delivered straight to your inbox.
Have a story to share about how you made a life, career, or relationship change? Reach out to Irina or Sarah on their socials to join the conversation.
