#FEATURE | Love in the Modern Age
by Kaira Balcos
Love. What is love? To most, the definition of love is subjective. There are so many words and definitions that can be used to describe this concept. There are also many different kinds of love. From platonic to self-love and the kind that we most commonly associate with the word: romantic. No matter what definition you choose, there is no denying that love is one of the many forces that have the power to take control over a part of our lives. As we all know, things change over time, and love is not an exception. While the concept or the idea has stayed the same, it’s clear that our views and opinions toward the topic have differed, especially in romance.
Some people say that it has become easier to love another nowadays. They talk about how the young ones are “so lucky” to have this and that, all these things that did not exist during their youth. Others, however, argue that romance has started to become more complicated and relationships have become more casual or shallow. People get together easily and break up in a snap, couples have started to put less effort in their relationships, cheating has become more prevalent…the complaints keep coming. At first glance, finding a common factor that affects these two perspectives may feel dizzying when in fact, the connection comes in the form of one simple word: technology.
Technology has immensely helped shape our modern lifestyles, but the most notable development that technology has given us is arguably, communication. Almost every person now has a smartphone, if not a cellphone. These devices make communication so simple; any person is one call, one text, or one message away. One of the most important factors in a relationship is communication, whose forms have changed over the years as previously stated.
Before instant communication existed, couples would need to send handwritten letters to do anything, from simply expressing their love to date invitations. A man would personally have to court the woman that has caught his attention. In this day and age, social media runs our lives. We have messaging apps that allow us to change the way we handle romance. We press one button and just like that, a date is set. We have the ability to express our feelings to a person without actually being in their presence to speak with them.
Generally speaking, this has started to change the way we keep and place value on our memories. Messages have started to replace handwritten love letters. Screen captures of online conversations have taken the place of diary entries. Photos are stored in our smartphones and uploaded to our social networking profiles rather than placing physical copies in scrapbooks or photo albums.
While accessibility is a tremendous privilege, it comes with a downside. It may not be obvious but through closer observation, we can see that instantaneity has caused relationships to become more fragile. It only takes one message for a couple to speed up their pace. In turn, it only takes one message to end the relationship. This fact is the reason why some people tend to think of relationships nowadays as more casual or shallow, which leads us to the next point. What is the modern definition of a “relationship”?
Back in the day, the meaning of “in a relationship” was straightforward: two people were each other’s boyfriend and girlfriend. However, different labels have started to become more common, especially among the Filipino youth. An example of this would be the term “M.U.”, which has multiple meanings such as: mutual understanding, malabong usapan and malanding ugnayan. This label is used for when a couple is not ready for a serious relationship that would require a strong sense of commitment.
This all ties back to technology and social media, where appearance is everything. We see all these posts from our friends about their happy lives and relationships that it puts more pressure on us to find our own happy relationship. This is where the idea of using a label that deviates from the norm comes in. We get to be with the person whom we supposedly love without taking on the responsibilities that would normally be placed upon someone in an official relationship. A relationship with no expectations sounds like living in utopia, doesn’t it?
Unfortunately, this is dystopia. In reality, having an undefined relationship is problematic, leading to issues such as lack of effective communication and cheating. Nevertheless, starting a serious relationship without being ready for one could lead to serious damage as well. In summary, relationship status has changed from being a set concept to something subjective, which would indeed add a complication to modern romance.
Our outlooks with respect to romantic love have indeed evolved throughout the ages. While communication has been made easier through developments in technology, other factors such as definitions and expectations have been made to be slightly more complicated than what the previous generations had. These changes aren’t necessarily bad, but that doesn’t instantly mean that they are good either, which brings us to a question. Is accessibility a good trade-off for the added complications in modern relationships?
Whether or not our interpretation of love has changed for the better, these changes are significant in describing how we love one another in this modern age, where everything is connected. We can’t ignore these changes, but we can control our choices. It is not necessary for us to conform to the standards of our current society. Nonetheless, no one should be judged should they wish to follow contemporary conventions.
Perspectives towards love do change through time. However, the concept of love is timeless. We love because it is our human nature to love. We can’t control who our heart chooses to love, but we can control how we choose to love, whether we choose to love through traditional methods or through those of the modern age.
