#OPINION | For Men, By Men: How Women Fit in a Man’s World
By Victoria Albitos and Jersey Gutierrez
Content Warning: This article contains information regarding rape and sexual abuse, including its effects on victims such as depression and suicide.
“Kayo naman mga ghErlsz, wag kayo magsusuot ng pagkaikli-ikling damit at pag naman nabastos ay magsusumbong din sa amin. Isipin niyo rin! 🤨” These are the exact words from the Facebook post of the Lucban Municipal Police Station, which was deleted after sparking controversy on different social media platforms. News platforms reported on the post, starting a new wave of conversation about the concept of rape in our highly conservative country.
“STOP TEACHING GIRLS HOW TO DRESS PROPERLY?? TEACH PEOPLE NOT TO RAPE.” This was posted by Frankie “Kakie” Pangilinan, a singer-songwriter and youth activist, on Twitter last June 13, in response to the controversial Facebook post. Broadcaster Ben Tulfo replied to her, calling her “hija,” defending rapists, and finishing with, “You are inviting the beast.”
Victims used the term “hija” to share their own encounters as young women that were oblivious to what was done to them. Young women that clearly weren’t asking for it.
The #HijaAko movement
The feud between the 19-year-old woman and 65-year-old man showed the generation gap between them, proving that the elderly still comply with tradition. Tulfo defended perverts and rapists and their way of thinking, saying that it was “different.”
But why should we tolerate their unlawful actions? How difficult is it to educate someone to be a decent human being? Because of how society feeds men’s egos, they believe that their actions are tolerable so they continue doing these acts. As the world changes and moves forward, we too must catch up and educate.
After Pangilinan and Tulfo’s exchange, the hashtag #HijaAko was used by women to share their own experiences with sexual harassment and violence. Some of them explained that when it happened to them, they were all covered up.
This fact counters the age-old question of “What were you wearing?” Time and time again, countless examples, both real and fictional, have proved that this question is unnecessary. What the victim wears is not the cause of rape. The only cause of rape is a rapist.
The paradox of rape culture
For an intensely conservative country, the Philippines has a culture that turns a blind eye to rape. Our society tends to avoid talk of sex, including sex education. And if sex is a taboo that shouldn’t be talked about, sexual harassment is even more so.
Victims are often blamed for the sins of their harassers and abusers. Instead of care and healing, they get bombarded with questions and criticism. Knowing what the victims were wearing during the crime seems to be more important than holding the criminals who did it accountable. As Kakie Pangilinan pointed out, a huge problem is that rape culture itself exists.
Since the hashtag #HijaAko started trending on Twitter, more and more victims spoke up on the platform. On June 19, articles were published sharing the experience of Kat Alano, a VJ and model, with a man whose name “rhymes with wrong.” She explained that she never filed a case against him, since she discovered firsthand that his uncle made sure that any cases filed would be dropped.
Celebrities have a big reputation, making it easier for them to get away with their cruel actions. Since they are adored by many, some of their fans remain loyal and choose to defend them despite their bad image. Supporters dislike it when a celebrity they admire is criticised so they will start pointless arguments, hoping to clear their idol’s image. Supporters like these enable a harasser’s actions. They should know that being a good fan is helping people they admire improve as a person and not condone his behavior.
Even before the #HijaAko movement, rape culture was already a sensitive topic this quarantine because of the musical Ang Huling El Bimbo, which was available for viewing on Youtube from May 8 to 9. While some viewers praised it, some also criticized it, saying that there was no warning for the rape scene’s horrifying portrayal.
They also noted that Joy was silenced and abandoned by her friends, Emman, Hector, and Anthony, who witnessed the act, never getting the peace she deserved. Instead, the musical focused more on the character development of the three boys, failing to give Joy’s character justice.
It was good enough that people saw the flaw in the musical’s plot despite how much it was praised and glorified. But the number of people and the amount of time it took for people to speak up about the issue is alarming. It already had two runs, but not much people realized until it turned into an issue on different social media platforms.
On June 17, theatre actress Krystal Kane posted two videos on Instagram, calling out her ex-boyfriend Boo Gabunada, who played Emman in Ang Huling El Bimbo. In the videos, she shared her experiences with Gabunada, exposing how he manipulated and violated her.
After five days of social media pressure from fans and friends alike, Gabunada posted two videos on Twitter, refuting Kane’s claims. He mentioned that people have been calling him a rapist and that he wanted to clear his name, implying that he wasn’t sincere about the act he committed.
His videos were more of a defense than an apology, saying that they both made mistakes and were “experimenting.” His Ang Huling El Bimbo castmates replied to his tweets, some saying that they came as his friend and calling him out for not doing the right thing.
Tanya Manalang and Gab Pangilinan, the two actresses who played Joy in the musical, were among those who reacted to Gabunada’s videos. Manalang called him out, saying, “I PM’d you last night saying I wouldn’t bail out on you as a friend. And as your friend, I’m telling it to your face: THIS AIN’T IT, Boo. Accountability and sincere apologies do not involve invalidating someone else’s feelings/trauma. ‘You did this, you did that.’ Hindi yun eh.”
Pangilinan also held him accountable, replying, “Accept. Acknowledge. Apologize. Just those three, Boo. Nothing else. Please.”
Some men do not show remorse for their actions. They attempt to brush away or even avoid the issues against them unless something important is at stake such as their fame and career. They’ll do anything to defend themselves and explain why they did it instead of admitting it was their mistake and apologizing. When called out, they tend to be insincere when apologizing on social media, only saying it for the sake of saying they apologized since they were pressured by their followers.
The power of social media
Social media is a powerful tool that anyone can use. Issues that arise here turn less exclusive, leading to more people getting to be part of the conservation. People call out abusers or harassers online, expecting them to apologize to their victims.
And most of the time, it works. A cancelled harasser, facing pressure and ostracization from friends and strangers, will eventually be forced to address their wrongdoings, sometimes even publicly. From the surface, it looks as if the issue is resolved: an abuser’s apology, and a victim’s closure. Everyone watching the exchange leaves satisfied, happy with the fact that their voices helped raise awareness for yet another case of sexual abuse.
But it doesn’t stop there — it shouldn’t stop there. Raising awareness is not enough. Taking part in the internet’s bad habit of canceling is not enough; sometimes, it just backfires.
A harasser with a fairly large influence usually gets away scot-free. Who will people believe, anyway? A famous, successful man, or a woman accusing him of sexual harassment? Even if the harasser is just an ordinary man, away from the spotlight, people are usually less than enthusiastic about calling him out or holding him accountable, for fear or “destroying” his reputation, or maybe his future. But what about the victim’s reputation? The victim’s future? It is not the harasser, but the victim who is affected for life.
Influential figures usually serve as ideal examples for the masses. Allowing them to get away with their actions is one way to normalize rape culture.
If you know a harasser, do the right thing and educate them. No matter what reputation they carry, make them understand and realize what they did was wrong. Having a label in an industry doesn’t exempt them from being punished.
Rape culture is a paradox. Should it really exist especially in a country as conservative and religious as ours?
Disclaimer: This article is the first in a two part series. It will be continued in Part 2, to be released tomorrow, July 2, 2020.
