I’m not here. You totally can’t see me against this background. Shut up. My camouflage is working perfectly. Photo by Ryan McGuire.

Who Knows What

A tale of awkwardness, told awkwardly.


Me, To Interviewer

Hahahaha, I know, right? I know a little of this, a little of that, and a wee bit of this other thing.

Interviewer, To Me

Well, we want to hire you. We know you’d be a great fit.

Me, To Recruiter

Does my boss know yet? If not, when do I tell him?

Recruiter, To Me

We will let you know when the transfer is complete.

Me, To Friend

I dunno who knows what, ya know? It’s been several weeks and I haven’t heard anything from recruiting or HR.

Friend, To Me

Dude, I think he already knows. He has to sign off and give approval. You’re making it into more of a thing than it is.

Me, To HR

Hey, just checking back on this. Does my current boss know yet? I got a text about moving cubes, but I haven’t heard anything from you guys sooooo?

HR, To Me

Thank you for your patience, we know you’ve been waiting a while. Everything is approved on our end. Please notify your current manager that the transfer is complete. Your new manager should be able to provide you with next steps.

Me, To Current Boss

So, I know you know….

Current Boss, To Me

Know? Know what?

Me

oh. OH god. Oh, no. So, you don’t know?

Boss

No. What do I not know?

Me

Well, I’m moving to a new department. I was told you approved it? I thought you knew… but you… didn’t… know?

Boss

No, I didn’t know.

Me

ah, Fuck.