Dear Society, Single Moms Are Done With Your Stereotypical Comments
Our society has mastered the art of stooping below its dignity with a woman. We expect a woman to be answerable for her choices, cultivate what’s known as sanskari (Transl: cultured, dignified) behavior, and whatnot. Single moms are one such section for whom society becomes an over-annoying watchdog. According to a UN Women report (2019), single moms still feel alienated in a country where they run over 13 million Indian households. Normalizing the ‘single moms’ concept didn’t happen despite the increasing numbers, especially in the country’s biggest metropolitan cities. Instead of receiving genuine concerns, single moms end up receiving fake sympathy and interference through eye-rolling comments and cringe-worthy questions.
Let us look at five such comments directed at single moms which aren’t worth the applause:
1. Poor lady! I wonder how she will manage everything.
The ‘bechari’ (Transl: Poor Thing) tag stays specially reserved for women who have lost their husbands. All the so-called ‘concerns’ and ‘sympathies’ start pouring in for her. They view her as a vulnerable object who will break anytime. To show how ‘caring’ they are, people try to meddle with her personal life by asking personal questions. Their ‘comforting’ solace soon becomes too much to tolerate because of their unsolicited inquisitiveness. People stare at such women weirdly. Is it so shocking to look at a single mom?
Why can’t people stay within their limits? Genuine concerns aren’t ‘genuine’ if they invade a person’s privacy. A widowed single mother is never safe from gossip mongers interested in her everyday life.
If you have left your husband, you will probably become a favorite topic of discussion on everyone’s lips. People would scar your reputation by turning your life into a tamasha. Society makes the woman feel guilty for not being ‘good enough for her husband. They always blame her for causing all the nuisance, even if she is faultless. For everyone else, she is far from being a ‘bechari.’ Why? Because they see her as a selfish, arrogant woman who wants to keep her kids away from their father. She is an ‘opportunist’ who seeks to benefit from her alimony.
Whether you are a widowed mom or a divorced mom, logo ki dakhalandaazee kabhi khatam nahi hoti (Transl: People will always keep interfering no matter what).
2. Don’t you miss him? Not even a bit? I mean, weren’t you two married for many years?
Okay, that’s quite a condescending thing to ask. Who gives people the right to ask something so cringe-worthy? Why can’t people understand that every woman out there can create her happiness? People even go to the extent of asking a single mother about whether she misses intimate moments with her husband. I mean, why? The amount of sexual satisfaction should not measure a woman’s happiness (whether she gets or does not get it). And one more thing, a woman doesn’t find joy in getting her sexual needs satisfied by a man she doesn’t like. Also, single moms are free to find their man, aren’t they?
3. How can you take care of your kids if you are not a ‘mother’? You need to be married to become one.
The concept of motherhood has become synonymous with ‘possessing a uterus.’ People feel that one can become a mother only if a woman gives birth to a child. Besides this, people also think that a true mother is a married woman who has a legitimate child. They can’t conceive that a woman who wishes to remain unmarried can adopt kids and, therefore, become a mother. So, giving birth isn’t a qualification for motherhood. Our society has many unmarried single moms who have successfully embraced motherhood. Indian actors Sushmita Sen and Raveena Tandon are a testament to this.
4. How do you manage your household expenses?
Everyone views most women as mere homemakers. If she is single or becomes single, people find it unfathomable to believe that she can manage her children and her expenses. We live in the 21st century, so it’s high time we abandoned this regressive mindset. Why can’t society appreciate single moms who are financially independent? Why aren’t single dads asked such questions? Does society expect women to stick to their homes solely?
5. Don’t you think you are separating your son from his father? Why can’t you adjust to your husband? Think about your child.
A woman has every right to protect herself and her kids against a man irresponsible towards his family. The same goes for a man too. Why should women compromise all the time? Why should a woman stay with her husband for the sake of their children? Can’t she be free from her marriage and take charge of her children as well? One cannot judge a single mother for being ‘selfish’ if she leaves her husband. I feel that a woman doesn’t deprive her children of their father if he isn’t a good father.
