What Your Woo* Says About You

*By ‘woo’ I mean non-rational belief… and yes, I am trying to give up using this word.

On our podcast The Seeker and the Skeptic we talk about all sorts of unusual and bizarre beliefs and practices. I usually raise an eyebrow while my co-host considers joining our local coven or UFO hunting group. In the year we’ve been recording I think I’ve got a pretty good idea of what your woo says about you.

So, if you hold one of the beliefs above, find out what it indicates about your personality then scroll down to read about how ‘personality sketches’ like these are made.

Astrology

Fans of astrology appreciate balance and symmetry in aesthetic and intellectual domains. They are elegant either in how they communicate, present themselves or think… sometimes all three!

Often deeply moved by art and poetry, but also proficient and sometimes brilliant in maths and computing, fans of astrology yearn to understand how everything fits together. They yearn to achieve a transcendent understanding that encompasses the spiritual and material world. Many fans of astrology find themselves inhabiting marginalised identities. They will find comfort and seek self knowledge through reading, journaling and therapy particularly during their (often rocky) Saturn Return. Because of their affinity for beauty they are sometimes seduced by a pleasing concept and blinded to its flaws. This can lead to a disconnection with reality that makes them seem inaccessible to friends and can often lead to the creation of echo chambers in which they reinforce their own idealised beliefs. Most fans of astrology would benefit from reflecting on the origins of their passions, the question ‘why do I believe?’ makes an enriching journal prompt.

Visionary and astute, fans of astrology make great leaders either in thought or action. However they are prone to letting interests develop into obsessions that consume them. In this case the only remedy is to put the interest (or app!) on hold and distance themselves until they regain objectivity and are ready to return. When fans of astrology find the balance between pursuing their passions and subjecting them to rational analysis they can through sheer force of will change the world.

Scarily accurate? Kinda right? Couldn’t be more off? Scroll on down to find out how personality sketches like these are made.

Mediumship

People who believe that communication with the dead is possible — and especially those who practice as mediums — are emotionally sensitive and well attuned to the needs of others. If not fully engaged their minds tend to wander and can drift into daydreaming, especially if the person talking is not presenting themselves authentically.

Their unique sensitivity makes them excellent caregivers, though they may be underappreciated as they often provide what their friends and family need rather than what they want! It’s common for people who believe in mediumship to construct intricate imaginative worlds, the trick is to avoid getting lost in them. Because of their focus on the hereafter people who believe in mediumship sometimes fall prey to devaluing the here and now, to flourish they need to find a way to live in the present. This often requires facing a natural fear of death which they have been suppressing or denying. Reading secular literature and art that explores the theme of mortality can help them understand their fears and once overcome they are practically unstoppable.

Due to their trusting nature people who believe in mediumship often overlook people’s negative intentions and are particularly vulnerable to financial exploitation. People who believe in mediumship are gentle souls and great listeners but humanity has a lot to learn from them so we must remember no matter how attentive they are to our needs, they sometimes need to be listened to too!

Scarily accurate? Kinda right? Couldn’t be more off? Scroll on down to find out how personality sketches like these are made.

Conspiracy Theories

People who are fascinated by conspiracy theories are quick witted and willing to commit time and energy to their interests. They are independent thinkers, who will trust the evidence of their own senses above any authorities’ assurances.

Conspiracy theorists are exuberant when discussing their favourite subject which makes them magnetic as friends and entertainers. Although their mental energy seems limitless they can sometimes suffer from burnout, causing feelings of overwhelm and confusion. When experiencing burnout conspiracy theorists will benefit from stepping back from their area of interest focusing on a more practical pursuit and when ready returning to examine the area from a different perspective. Often reading critiques of the theories that most compel them can be a difficult and rewarding process if approached with an open mind the more intellectually adept will find great value in reading about the psychology of conspiracy theories.

Able to see connections where other people can’t conspiracy theorists keep humanity honest, but their vigilance can often lead to paranoia and suspicion. This tendency can mislead them into false beliefs which hurt them and wider society. Like many artists and creative geniuses they need to keep a close eye on their own mental health. Often their gift for pattern recognition will translate beautifully into narrative storytelling and many find success and satisfaction in creative pursuits.

Scarily accurate? Kinda right? Couldn’t be more off? Scroll on down to find out how personality sketches like these are made.

Witchcraft

Wiccans, sorcerers and people who practice magick approach ideas and life differently, they notice things that other people dismiss and as a result seem both deeply insightful and charmingly capricious.

People who practice magick tend to look carefully and weigh up all the options before they make big decisions, but sometimes will take risks other people wouldn’t dare to based on intuition. Sometimes their unique talents can lead them to become overly self-involved and too quick to dismiss the critiques of others who they see as unable to understand them. Many people who practice witchcraft have a difficult adolescence and may develop a hard exterior to protect a vulnerable inner self that they may share with only one or two close friends. This can sometimes mean cultivating an image on social media which deep down they feel is not really ‘them’. A bold outward appearance, sometimes including unconventional body decoration, makes them feel confident and safe but they must be careful not to defend their ideas too fiercely against legitimate criticism or they will become dogmatic and stuck in their ways a frustrating situation for these natural rebels!

Magick is a creative dynamic art and therefore it is unsurprising that people who practice magick excel in creative professions. Many great scientists, artists and visionaries dabbled in the occult and when tempered with sufficient humility and critical thinking these people could attain similar heights.

Scarily accurate? Kinda right? Couldn’t be more off? Scroll on down to find out how personality sketches like these are made.

UFOlogy

People who believe that UFOs are alien spacecraft are natural iconoclasts and explorers. They become dissatisfied when they feel intellectually or geographically restricted. Though they may seem ‘out there’ they are often very practical people.

Because of their practical nature and ability to understand systems UFOlogists make great engineers or programmers, but whatever field they find themselves in will benefit from their innovative capabilities. Once invested in an idea their determination can sometimes transform into stubborness as they refuse to reexamine the course of action or thought that they have set out upon. Most ufologists will benefit from learning about the systematic biases that affect human cognition. Their analytical thinking style will make this an easy project that allows them to level up their already impressive cognitive skills.

Ufologist’s greatest asset is that they do not conceive of humans as the centre of reality this gives them a unique perspective on political, environmental and moral issues. When lost in the weeds of UFO research this virtue can be hidden but when they apply themselves to broader questions they can be invaluable intellectual thought leaders.

Scarily accurate? Kinda right? Couldn’t be more off? Scroll on down to find out how personality sketches like these are made.

Ghosts

People who believe in ghosts are often unconventional, they either embrace their identity as a rebel or revel in knowing that despite their conventional outward appearance they are proudly quirky. Many have become discouraged from revealing their true self to others after one too many bad experiences.

Though they may not be outwardly heroic, people who believe in ghosts are brave. When others would run in fear they will lean in with interest, though they may experience trepidation they are always eager to hear more about any paranormal experience. Their bravery can get them in trouble as can their temperamental character and they will sometimes find themselves in situations and confrontations that they are uncomfortable in. There are a lot of cognitive tricks our minds can play on us to which people who believe in ghosts are not immune, however if they practice critical thinking skills and work hard to acknowledge their biases they can become some of the most insightful investigators.

Though many people who believe in ghosts delight in the macabre some find themselves terrorised by their own beliefs. For these people staying grounded is important. They will often benefit from thoughtful conversations with a skeptical friend. Examining the root of their fear can be beneficial if done in an atmosphere of mutual respect. Often drawn to the darker aspects of culture these people can find strikingly beautiful new ways to look at the world that will inspire and delight… and yes, maybe frighten others.

Scarily accurate? Kinda right? Couldn’t be more off? Scroll on down to find out how personality sketches like these are made.

Cryptids

People who believe that bigfoot roams the forest, the Loch Ness Monster lurks in Scotland or that mermaids lounge around at the bottom of the sea are always ready for adventure! When they are unable to pursue their interests they can become bored and dissatisfied.

Whether it’s a series of novels they can’t put down or a trek to Antartica people who believe in cryptids are hungry for knowledge and experience. They are big picture people interested in new radical ideas and often don’t have much time for all the pesky details. Because they are always headed for the horizon people who believe in cryptids can sometimes miss what’s in front of them. Many would benefit from studying their favourite cryptid’s habitat and may find that all those seemingly boring details are actually quite fascinating as they enrich their understanding of the world they live in. People who believe in cryptids can find great value in researching evolutionary biology or ecology and may find mysteries in the scientific literature just as intriguing as the promise of cryptozoology.

Many species of animals were once considered mythological and it is thanks to the adventurous spirit of humanity that we’ve met so many of the other weird and wonderful inhabitants of our planet. However, it’s possible that people who believe in cryptids can waste their energy, bravery and curiosity on wild goose chases which is a shame because if well informed their passion and enthusiasm will get them far.

Scarily accurate? Kinda right? Couldn’t be more off? Scroll on down to find out how personality sketches like these are made.

Psychic Powers

People who believe in psi phenomena are often committed researchers, willing to look deeper and think harder about subjects than most others.

Interested in getting to the bottom of things people who believe in psi phenomena have a dual aspect to their personality: they want to understand the nature of the universe academically and intuitively. This tension makes them intriguing to others and they will certainly never be accused of being boring! Sometimes their instinct for discovery can mislead them into obsessing about details when it would be much more valuable to examine the foundations of an idea and assess whether it’s worth applying their admirable powers of deduction. A course in the foundations of logic would be enriching for most.

People who believe in psi phenomena are unconventional intellectuals, some of the most inspired ideas and theories emerge when they apply themselves to the right subject. Their secret to thriving is to balance their intuitive and academic sides by settling them on solid foundations. Whatever they apply themselves to you can be sure that the results will be surprising.

Scarily accurate? Kinda right? Couldn’t be more off? Scroll on down to find out how personality sketches like these are made.

God

People who believe in the Abrahamic God recognise the power and beauty of tradition and are often inspired by grand metaphors as well as personal revelation.

Driven by a strong commitment to their moral values at their best people who believe in God make reliable, compassionate and honest companions and community members. Their kindness and consideration is dependant on trust, which, once broken can result in deep feelings of anger and fear. Unfortunately their steadfast character can lead them to cling to outdated ideas that lead to oppression of aspects of their own humanity and of others. Though it can be difficult, people who believe in God would benefit from asking themselves some ‘why’ questions about their beliefs and taking the time to answer them with their usual honesty but without reference to scripture. They will often find extreme satisfaction and purpose in charity work which allows them to express their caring nature and focus their compassion and attention on their fellow humans.

Humanity has much to thank these people for, but they also carry a heavy legacy which many struggle to acknowledge. Grappling with the negative impacts of their belief structures is necessary work for humanity and self exploration is vital for them to live happy fulfilled lives. Embarking on this quest is daunting but most people who believe in God have the courage and integrity to become ambassadors for humanities most prized virtues.

Scarily accurate? Kinda right? Couldn’t be more off? Scroll on down to find out how personality sketches like these are made.

Alternative Therapies

People who use alternative therapies such as homeopathy, reiki and crystal healing are caring and thoughtful people who experience a great desire for people to appreciate them, which the good ones usually do!

Always ready to listen and empathise with others problems people who use alternative therapies feel a great affinity with nature and even if they are trapped in the city will find that a glimpse of the natural world will replenish their enthusiasm for life. When living in a city, or burdened with other people’s problems people who use alternative therapies can find themselves feeling run down and exhausted. They often suffer from chronic, sometimes frustratingly misunderstood health complaints. When in this state they often feel powerless and experience the temptation to retreat into themselves. Their aptitude for problem solving and caring for others can lead them to feel like they have to fix the world’s problems, accepting that this is not their responsibility and may not even be possible will be a difficult but important revelation that leads to increased happiness.

Naturally open minded, people who use alternative therapies are willing to experiment with many different modalities but often trust their own intuition over empirical evidence which can be dangerous when dealing with serious health concerns. When open minded enough to listen to their more circumspect friends and doctors they will make better choices and in turn their friends will thank them for their unique empathic abilities.

Scarily accurate? Kinda right? Couldn’t be more off? Scroll on down to find out how personality sketches like these are made.

Scientism

People who turn to science to resolve queries that would be better addressed by philosophical, emotional or artistic exploration are also some of our most productive, practical world-builders.

Their desire to truly understand how things work makes them valuable assets as colleagues and friends. But a scientistic person who has not found a way to express their arational impulses will often become bitter and caustic. Many suffer from an excessive desire for order and control that can only be quelled by relaxation something they will find difficult to accomplish. Although they usually possess admirable levels of discipline and self control, many scientistic people feel insecure and anxious beneath the surface. They often need help and encouragement to unwind and many find this through an exploration of a natural system such as ecology or astronomy. Most would benefit from some form of meditation (although they may be too stubborn to try it).

We have these people to thank for many of humanity’s technological and medical advances and though they may sometimes seem cold or rigid once they allow themselves to express their core motivations it becomes clear that most are genuinely passionate about making the world a better place.

Scarily accurate? Kinda right? Couldn’t be more off? Scroll on down to find out how personality sketches like these are made.

Collective Consciousness

People who believe the earth, and perhaps the whole universe is connected through energetic consciousness are romantic intellectuals often described as ‘ahead of their time’ although their tendency to procrastinate may derail many of their futuristic projects.

Their quick wit and sophistication means people who believe in collective consciousness often leave their friends enthralled, but confused. Mostly they don’t think of themselves as poets or sages but their words resonate with others and can have powerful and unpredictable effects. They are often the funniest and the most serious person in the room. Often people who believe in collective consciousness are drawn to experiment with mind expanding practices and substances that confirm or intensify their worldview. Alongside this kind of experimentation it is useful for them to seek out evidence that challenges their beliefs or they may become lost in their own worlds this can lead to social isolation and loneliness. While they experience a deep connection to the universe many struggle to connect with people, when talking about their beliefs it will help to check they are being understood. Explaining the intricate concepts they love to explore in simple careful language will help not only their friends but the person who believes in collective consciousness themselves understand the ideas better.

Some people who believe in collective consciousness can become lost in their heads and unable to deal well with practical concerns. This retreat into the head is often due to an uneasiness with the harsher aspects of material reality, many of these people have suffered some kind of early trauma. But when they turn to face the world, they will find their intellect equips them to deal with many of life’s hardships and their charm brings them friendships which will support their irrepressible growth.

Scarily accurate? Kinda right? Couldn’t be more off? Scroll on down to find out how personality sketches like these are made.

How it’s Done

These personality sketches are derived from an amateur reading of the phycological literature, a familiarity with Barnum statements and personal observation.

Intended for entertainment purposes only (obviously).

At least I hope it’s obvious… I wrote these personality sketches based on one piece of information about a person, their belief in an unusual idea. Often when you meet with a tarot reader, astrologer or medium you inadvertently give them lots of information about yourself: your age, your gender, your race, your class, your economic status, your sense of style perhaps some of your interests. What I’m saying is, they have it easy.

When visiting any kind of divinor at least one of your interests is easily discernible: your interest in the supernatural. Psychologists have studied the common personality traits of people who believe in the paranormal, they tend to be creative, intuitive, spontaneous and a little self absorbed (as a former believer I fit this profile uncomfortably well). People who claim to divine people’s personality or future through star charts, tarot cards or communication with spirits have studied these traits too, in the field. A common gambit from one of these divinors is to flatter their client by suggesting that they are ‘deeply intuitive, perhaps psychic’ which of course is exactly what they want to hear. This is not necessarily a conscious tactic, many people are good at picking up subtle clues about a person and weaving them into a narrative, they may shock themselves with their own accuracy and come to believe they have supernatural powers.

In my personality sketches I used sentences like: ‘People who use alternative therapies … experience a great desire for people to appreciate them.’ This is a classic Barnum Statement named after the circus showman P.T. Barnum who claimed ‘we have something for everyone’. These statements seem to the reader to be quite insightful and specific, but are actually common feelings that anyone would relate to. I also employed Rainbow Ruses like: ‘Though they may seem ‘out there’ they are often very practical people.’ These are statements which describe one personality aspect and their opposite in one go ensuring that the reader will identify with at least one of the traits described. I scattered in lots of flattery, because every human likes to hear that with a few mild critiques to make the flattery seem less obsequious and I smuggled in some skeptical guidance that I think would help anyone, not just believers. I found myself referring to a thesaurus much more often than usual because I was trying to find words to say the same thing in different ways and I wondered if people who write astrological profiles do the same, and if that makes them reflect on their practice.

Almost all readers use techniques like these but many are not aware of them as ‘techniques’ it’s just the way they talk or write which has evolved through years of trial and error. Despite using what to a skeptic look like classic cold reading tricks many divinors are completely convinced of their own powers. After a good reading clients leave feeling reassured and having gained personal insight, divinatory practices also provide a venue for self-exploration which many people find very valuable. Perhaps what the stars or the cards say is vague and open to interpretation, but the clients interpretation might just be an important personal revelation that they needed to make.

Unfortunately there are plenty of knowing con-artists using these same techniques to make money and sometimes commit acts of extreme financial and emotional exploitation on very vulnerable people. Which is why skeptics can’t just shrug these practices off, and why I get anxious at the rise of astrology and other divinatory practices. If we train ourselves to let our minds make meaning where there is none we make ourselves susceptible to cons and by promoting these practices in our society we create prey for the unscrupulous.

Self knowledge is hard. I get that sometimes the best way to sneak up on it is from behind, that the crystal ball is a ritualised object that allows us to explore in a dark room with a kind (but mysterious) stranger ideas about ourselves and our future we otherwise wouldn’t dare contemplate. But if you forget that it’s you that’s generating the meaning, then you could end up wasting a lot of money on crystal balls and taking what they have to say a bit too seriously. Whether the divinor is convinced of their own powers or a charlatan, they are business people, they want you to keep coming back and their reading will be influenced by this fact. Of course you’re friends can be guilty of telling you what you want to hear too (but hopefully not all of them) and therapists have the same financial incentive (although they are trained to be aware of it). It’s difficult to find someone who will be honest with you, and if you find someone who happens to shuffle cards for a living but gives good, honest consel I won’t begrudge you.

Humans are meaning-making machines, we find patterns in data and infer epic dramas from changes to our natural environment. We make up stories, that’s what makes us so good at parties. I think it’s a shame not to recognise and celebrate this most human of traits, we should be proud of our abilities and encourage humility and skepticism about the narratives we weave. Because we all know what happens when we take the stories we tell about ourselves too seriously.