This Ex-Mormon Doesn’t Know What Is Good to Drink. (It Certainly Isn’t Seltzer.) Sending an SOS to Non-Mormons.

Seven-plus years out of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints — and thus seven-plus years since believing I can now morally drink coffee and alcohol and trying each — I still haven’t found a satisfactory drink.

So when a representative of Hiball contacted me about trying some of the company’s seltzers, I thought I’d give it a go. (After I thought that the brand name sounded like a characteristic of transgender women and pre-pubescent…