Message from Your Dad: Lessons for Now and the Future
Words of Love and Guidance for My Children
Kids, I felt inspired to write this today to share some life wisdom with you. I’ve gathered precious lessons from Nanna, Dandad/Grandad, and my own colourful experiences. These are not just words, but carefully chosen treasures, meant to be a constant source of guidance and encouragement whenever you find yourself in need of it.
Life is a beautiful adventure, brimming with unexpected twists and turns. It’s filled with opportunities for learning and growth, leading us down paths we never imagined. It’s this unpredictability that motivated me to share these lessons now, ensuring that they are always here to guide and support you, helping light the way to a life that is as wonderful and fulfilling as it can possibly be.
Not Everyone Wishes You Well
I’m not being all doom and gloom about the world, but there are certain individuals out there who, for various reasons, won’t want to see you do well. They’ll want to get in your ear and make you doubt yourself.
I mention this just so you’re mindful of it. Remember, the unkind words and actions of others are more a reflection of them, not you.
No One is Perfect
There is a chapter and verse in the Bible, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” — Matthew 7:3.
The point being made is that no one is perfect; we all have shortcomings, and we all make bad choices at various moments in life. The key is to remember this, be humble, and not be overly critical of people.
We should focus more on improving ourselves and endeavour to help others from a place of care rather than criticising and condemning them.
If It Feels Wrong, It Is
There are plenty of things I can advise you on: look both ways when you cross the road, don’t talk to strangers, etc. However, there are many scenarios in life where you’ll find yourself without any prior advice.
In these moments, trust your gut. If it tells you something is off, listen to it and remove yourself from the situation.
Don’t Worry About the Future
Take it from me: no good comes from worrying about tomorrow. As long as you’re being sensible today and making decisions that put you in the best possible place for times to come, then there’s no need to worry or stress yourself out.
Enjoy the present moment as best you can.
The World Is Bigger Than Your Hometown
There is a world out there, and it doesn’t mean you need to cover every inch of it, but ensuring you get out there and see different cultures and places is a must.
Continuous Learning Is Key
Do not hang up your learning cap once you leave school; remain a lifelong student. Read, watch, and listen to all that is available out there, for we all have room to grow regardless of how far we advance in life.
Consider some of the renowned businesses that, after years of operation, have shut their doors. Often, it was because they reached a point where they believed they had perfected their craft, feeling no need to diversify or evolve with the changing times.
We are never the finished article. This isn’t about being discontent or dissatisfied with where we are; it’s about striving to be the best version of ourselves possible.
Avoid the Trap of Following the Crowd and Dogma
Steve Jobs once said, “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.”
This doesn’t just relate to the clothes you wear, or the music you listen to. There are lots of people out there who will tell you that going to University is key, or buying a house is a must — you might decide to leave school and join a business, starting at the bottom and climbing the ladder, or save money to start your own business; the point is that reaching a metaphorical crossroad where your friends and family choose a different path is perfectly fine.
Be open and receptive to the experiences and advice of others, but never feel restricted or obligated to follow them.
Start Saving & Investing Early
There’s the “don’t put all your eggs in one basket” expression and so it’s a matter of striking a balance between what you save and what you put to one side and are prepared to take a calculated risk in investing — you may find it doesn’t work out and you lose a part of what you invested, but you also may find it double, triples or quadruples.
The key is to start early, have a rainy day and easy to access savings fund, but also assign a portion to invest and again in the same way as mentioned earlier, don’t invest it one place, spread it out.
Values and Standards Are Your Compass
I am not a practicing Christian, but I attended a Christian school. I am 37 years old this year, and I have five of my former school teachers as friends on Facebook. The reason for this is that these teachers genuinely cared, and they still do. It wasn’t just a job for them; they were invested in seeing us grow into well-rounded, respectable, happy, and kind adults.
Why is this? The teachers and the school upheld Christian values. The point here is that values and standards don’t necessarily need to be of a religious nature. The key is that having values and standards provides you with a compass in life. I mentioned ‘gut feeling’ earlier, and much of that intuition comes from the values and standards we hold.
Don’t compromise your values and standards for anyone. If someone puts you in a position where you feel the need to question your values, then they’re not someone you should give any more of your time to.
Grit Comes Through Experience
I love nothing more than a motivational movie, particularly one based on a true story. The downside to these movies is that they generally last only an hour or two at best. This can create the impression that they achieve their goals within a shorter time frame than what it actually took them.
In reality, it often takes years and years for people to reach their objectives. I’m not saying this because there aren’t people who achieve things quickly in life, but rather to emphasise the importance of building grit and perseverance.
Don’t give up on your goals just because you don’t achieve them right away and don’t let setbacks put you off pushing forward.
Learn from Your Losses
Albert Einstein once said, “You never fail until you stop trying,” and it’s so true. Life will have its moments where things won’t go to plan; some things can be minor, while others can be more serious.
The key at this moment of feeling low and defeated is to go for a walk, clear your head, and think of what can be learned from the situation. There are many Personal Development books and content out there, and more often than not, that content has come to be because the author has had a low moment or a loss in life of some sort from which they have gained insight to move forward.
The steps they outline show what can be done to be better in that situation or to avoid it ever happening again. While we don’t go looking for hardship, if you take a breath, calm your emotions, and learn a valuable lesson from these situations, then I promise this is a positive.
Purpose, Attitude, Humility & Selflessness
Life is full of temporary fixes, bursts of motivation, and people looking for external validation; the key is to look for the long-lasting solutions, deep-rooted changes, and calling in life, instead of just on-the-surface fixes and moments of inspiration, motivation, and acceptance from others.
To start off with making my point, I am going to give you two analogies that demonstrate Passion is short lived and Aptitude has a shelf life:
Building a House:
- Think of passion as the decoration in a house. It’s lovely, but it doesn’t last forever.
- Purpose is like the foundation of the house that keeps it standing.
Growing a Garden:
- Aptitude is like having good seeds and soil. Some plants naturally grow well.
- Attitude is like the gardener’s hard work. Even not-so-great seeds can thrive with enough care and attention.
It doesn’t matter how intense your passion or aptitude is — they have a shelf life and are often driven by the ego. Passion shows up when the circumstances are just right and everything feels exciting, but it quickly goes when things become mundane or you don’t feel like you’re getting anywhere fast.
Similarly, while aptitude often demonstrates what you have made efforts to learn and master at College / University, it too has a shelf life and is often driven by having the degree or similar qualification at the end of it and is not a given or guarantee that you’ll get what you want off the back of it.
Purpose and attitude resemble a relationship that blossoms, even in the mundane and ordinary moments. This is driven by understanding and mutual respect. Just as true love isn’t about luxurious holidays or extravagant gifts but about mutual care and unconditional support, purpose and attitude guide actions with a genuine intent and unwavering commitment.
They represent a meaningful approach to actions, encouraging development beyond the immediate talents and aligning contributions with authenticity, rather than the fleeting approval of the ego. In this alignment, acts are inspired by a true essence of wanting to make a heartfelt positive difference.
When it comes to Ego vs Humility & Selflessness the difference can be demonstrated when someone pays for another person's meal or shopping. When these acts are broadcast, its generally for validation and applause, the motivating factor is how they appear rather than what good they are doing, it’s the ego that comes into play. Humility and selflessness are those that carry out such acts with the sole purpose of making someones day or life better.
Choose Your Partner & Friends Wisely
It doesn’t matter how many friends you have — the important thing is that the relationships you do have are of high quality. The same goes for choosing a partner; every relationship starts with a spark, but what truly matters is that when years have passed, the relationship is still as strong as it was in the beginning.
It’s a relationship where you can have differences of opinion but still respect and accept each other, a relationship where you are on the same wavelength, and a relationship where, when times are tough, you support and love each other unconditionally, getting through challenges together.
Relationships aren’t about lavish holidays, expensive jewellery, or gifts; it’s about how you feel on the most ordinary and standard of days when you know you’ve hit the jackpot and are with the one you’re meant to be with.
Act, Don’t Just Speak
Firstly, you don’t need to be an open book about everything you want to do, be and see in life, keep some things to yourself, people don’t need to know everything about you.
Secondly, there are plenty of people out there who will tell you everything they’re going to do in life and very often that never comes to fruition — be the person that quietly gets themselves to the place of achieving what it is they want to achieve.
This is like when someone says “Sorry” and then does it again; the words mean nothing, it’s the actions we take that have meaning in life. We can all say “Sorry” or “I will do…,” but it’s the doing that counts.
Take Care of Your Body
I still have lots to learn and improve on, but this month alone I feel a ton better for not drinking alcohol, I’ve naturally lost a bit of weight and feel more mentally clear and less tired.
I got to a point where I was having a bottle of wine every night. I aim to go a step further and cut my caffeine down a bit, reduce the level of sugar and salt in my diet, exercise, meditate and get a regular and decent level of sleep each night.
Nanna is a prime example of how looking after your health has a positive impact in every way possible.
Unconditional Love
Despite the occasional stern word, the times I’ve told you off, and made you go without, I love you more than I could ever put into words. So, it’s for this reason that I can’t let you down by not pulling you up or being straight with you when it’s needed.
Dandad/Grandad always used to say that no one else in life would let me off, so it’s important that he and Nanna don’t let me down by being lenient. I, too, have the same philosophy.
As tough as it is to see your little faces turn to sadness or disappointment when I tell you off, I love you and want the best for you. I will do whatever I need to do, no matter how hard it is to stomach, to ensure you grow up with morals, standards, and respect for yourself and others.
Embrace Empathy, Compassion, Diversity, and Inclusivity
It’s easy to judge a cashier at a supermarket if they’re grumpy and rude to you, but have you thought about what might be going on at home for them? Have they received some bad news recently?
This is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of being understanding and kind to other people. You don’t need to pay for the person’s shopping behind you; it could be as simple as holding a door open or staying on the phone with someone until the early hours of the morning, just listening to them.
The world could use more empathy and compassion, and I firmly believe that performing an act of kindness for one person today can have a ripple effect, leading that person to do something for someone else, and so on. Be understanding and aware of the fact that people have different perspectives and may have grown up in different cultures or religions.
We must make a conscious effort to be aware and mindful of people’s differences, understanding that no one way is inherently correct over another. Stephen Covey’s book, ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,’ makes reference to ‘The map is not the territory,’ which means that we see life through a lens that others don’t, and we need to be aware of this.
Maintain a Balance in Life
If I just eat vegetables every day and nothing else, I’d cause myself all kinds of health issues, but not eating them at all would equally do the same, so when it comes to food and everything else in life — strike a balance, don’t have too much or too little, get the balance right and you’ll have a happier life as a result.
Stay Curious and Open-Minded
One thing I’ve learned is to not be so engrossed in my own beliefs and opinions that I become resistant to changing them. It’s important to remain open to new perspectives and information. Try not to approach situations with strong preconceived ideas, and be as receptive as possible to different perspectives.
