How a rescue dog can teach you the difference between a true friend and an associate.
Learning to spot the difference will go a long way for you in life.
It’s sad when we finally discover it, but sometimes the friends who we think are loyal, dedicated, and there for us through thick and thin, turn out to be pretenders.
It’s crushing when you realize it — mostly because when you do finally figure it out, it’s at a time when you really needed them.
In other words — it’s too late.
That brings up the ultimate question then.
How do we really know which friend is true and which is fake?
I’ve found it to be a matter of having the wrong perspective of what a “friend” is to begin with. What exactly is a friend?
Everyone will have their own variation of the answer, but I’m sure we can all agree that a true friend is loyal, dependable, empathetic, and cares about you simply because they enjoy you as a person.
No external factors involved.
They aren’t there for your money or your uncanny ability to make people laugh. Your best friend shouldn’t think the best thing about you is the Honda Civic your older brother gave you when you turned 16, making you the first kid in class with a car.
These seem obvious and your probably thinking that you’d be able to spot it if someone were using you.
Shocking as it sounds, a vast majority of people have had to find out the hard way that their BFF wouldn’t be there to catch them when they tripped and fell.
That it was all a sham — fake.
Then how the hell do you figure out if your friend is real or fake?
You can’t simply go and test every friend you have. They’ll end up hating you after the relentless “trust” tests you out them through.
- Leaving the wallet out in the open with the corner of a blue bill peeking out. . .
- Calling them and asking for a ride your Doctors appointment — at the last minute — literally the morning of the day you need to go. But of course, you also know that’s the one day your friend has off.
- Will they say yes?
No, those tactics won’t work I’m afraid. Don’t fret though, for there’s a much simpler and at the same time very extreme way to train yourself to detect realness or fakeness in your friends.
Ready for it…?
Getting a rescue dog is a perfect example of what it’s like to have a true friend. It’ll also teach you a few things about the perceptions we apply to the people around us and what they have to do with how you know who your true friends actually are.
So you pull the trigger and adopt a dog. You’re not set on exactly what kind of dog, but you know you want a German Shepherd-style dog.
Energetic, adventurous, fearless, always wanting to go with you and to be by your side, no matter what, for better or worse.
Whether it be the ocean — to go paddleboarding on a cold, crisp morning (even though your dog hates the water) — or the Canyons, for a midday hike in nature — where predators are lurking and Rattlesnakes rule in the shade of rock alcoves — your fearless companion is by your side.
Instead, what you got is the “scared of its own shadow” type of dog. You’ve tried everything and no matter what you do, this dog will not get better.
Your beginning to think it was a mistake taking the rescue home.
The poor dog who’s scared of his shadow, who wont pee on every tree they pass on the hike because of the anxiety that envlopes them as they try to use the bathroom out in public. . .
This is not the type of dog you set out to get!
Until that night he/she gave you comfort when you needed it.
A late night phone call resulting in you curled up in a ball, crying in your bed because you just learned that your beloved grandmother had passed away.
None of your friends are picking up the phone.
“Of course they aren’t!” You bellow at the dark wall, hurling your phone against it as you have just called the last contact in your phone you can think of.
When the phone hits, making a loud bang as your phone shatters, you hear Courage The Cowardly Dog scurrying away in horror.
“God forbid you make any sudden moves in this house without scaring the rescue dog half time death!”
Then, as you lay there in your bed full of sorrow and feeling hopeless and lost, you suddenly feel a wet little nose nuzzling up against you. . .
“Wait? Is that you Spot?”
He wags his tail — still a bit timid with being so close to you — he’s never done this before. Not once!
You finally fall asleep, holding that little, scared, timid rescue dog close all night long and feeling a deep sense of unconditional love.
The bond is sealed. You have a true friend.
The dog remembered that day you brought it home. It knew it wasn’t what you had expected to get when you came to the shelter that day.
But, nevertheless. . .
They remembered that you didn’t choose the biggest, most fearless-looking dog — you chose them.
Even though you initially wanted a big, German Shepard to run the canyons with and go on adventures across the country, you brought spot home.
No judgment, no issues.
You liked that dog for what it was, not what you wanted it to be
Sometimes we think our “real friends” are the ones that have a great sense of humor. Why? Because they make us laugh! Feel good. Yet, they’re just the class clown.
They make everyone laugh, not just us. . .
How about our other best friend, you know the one. She’s the most beautiful girl in the click.
Everyone gawks at her.
How about the captain of the football team? He’s the man! Out of all of us in the group, he’s the one that always gets the girl when we go out.
Either one of these two could be a true friend in theory.
But, it’s more likely than not that how you feel about them is the same way a lot of other people do as well.
These “friends” tend to be manipulators.
Very elastic people who seem able to fit in wherever they are, just molding themselves to the shape that the situation requires of them in order to get what they want from the relationship.
It doesn’t mean that they’re 100% not a true friend, but the odds are certainly against you with this type.
They’re basically liked and adored by everyone they encounter. It’s not their fault — sometimes it’s even a curse for them as well, making it impossible for them to figure out if a person enjoys their company — or the glamour of who they are.
I’m not saying that a true friend is supposed to be with you 24/7 — but they are your best friend.
The title of a best friend comes with added responsibility. Much more than a normal friend.
Look, I hate being so negative, but, unfortunately those types of friends I just outlined usually aren’t what you think they are. They’re the type that can, (and will), replace you in a heartbeat.
Do you really want to know if you have a good friend or not?
Then ask yourself some questions about them.
Say you went into a bad depression.
- Would they come to your house every day to check in?
- Or, would they just text you after they finally notice a week later that you haven’t been around?
To make matters worse, the only reason they noticed you haven’t been around lately is that they needed something from you — a ride perhaps — something that you always provide to them without a second thought.
They didn’t stop and really think about why you’re not around. But trust me, they’ll make a valiant attempt at making it seem so.
They’ll word the message perfect, taking special care to sound genuine and worried about you and what’s going on.
Always so clever with their words — but you have a plan. . .
Now let’s trap one of these pretenders
When you respond make sure to ask them to come over. They know they can’t say no — I mean, they pretty much admitted that they were worried about not hearing from you for so long and wanted you to call them back.
When they arrive you only need to look for one sign. The sign that they don’t want fo be there — the rush to leave.
Ask them if they can hang out with you for the night. Perhaps catch up on The Walking Dead or something. Let them know you’re not feeling well and could really use some company.
Now — Let’s move over to their thought process.
Shit! They Think.
Getting themselves stuck having to come over to your house to hang out with you is not why they text — plus, James has a perfectly able car to take them to the club tomorrow night.
They’ll probably wish you a speedy recovery and say that it’s a shame you can’t be there tomorrow night.
On the other hand. . .
A true friend would have come sooner. After a couple of days of not hearing from you — max — and they’d have been there weather you wanted it or not!
They’d have text/called to check-in daily — even if you got annoyed and said you’re fine. . .
Now you just doubled the rate that they’re going to check in on you. Great!
Conclusion
Well, there really isn’t a conclusion here. Frankly, this is not my best piece of writing.
Rather, it’s a real blog.
I’ll talk you what, it felt good to write this, to get some things off my chest. That’s why I began blogging in the first place, right?
Not to entertain you — but to regulate my emotions and put my thoughts to paper (or to the screen via pixels) and hope that someone else out there reads this and has felt the same way.
Perhaps they relate and comment, giving me advice.
Maybe they just realized: “Ohh Shit!” “That son of a bitch Tom. If that fake bastard calls me today for a ride, I swear. . .”
Either way, this one was to get some shit off my chest. I hope that you got something from it regardless. Let me know if you have ever had to deal with the heartache of realizing that someone you considered your best friend wasn’t exactly on the same page with you after 15 years of friendship.
At least at the end of the day I know I have some true friends — all of you who I follow and who follow me. I read your stories and they make me smile, they teach me things, they genuinely make my life better.
I’m not even being cheesy — okay, perhaps I’m being cheesy — but I’m also being sincere. Thank you to all who have become my Medium Family.
If you liked this story — or rather, this blog post — then perhaps check out this one
This is an actual article — not a blog post. I’m not just trying to self promote either. I really think that this article has been swiped past far to many times lately.
It has some good information embedded in there to help you grow to achieve your goals.
