One Simple Adjustment Can Make Life So Much Easier
I made this adjustment without even realizing that I needed to at the time, but regardless the results were undeniable.
No High School Diploma, No Formal Education, And I Was Broke And Homeless
I’m not going to write a redemption story or anything like that. This isn’t a rag to riches story either, (at least that’s not the focus of it), rather, this is a story about a simple life skill that I noticed brought others happiness and success.
I was broke and homeless, addicted to heroin, had a criminal record, and was a high school dropout. Those were not the issues that needed addressing, they were simply a symptom of something else that would take an article of its own to explain.
I know what your thinking…
“If those weren’t the issues in your life that needed to be changed so you could live a better life, then your sir must be one fu#@ed up individual.”
Ohh, trust me I was. Still am in certain ways, I just know how to hide it better now.
Just kidding.
Let’s quit messing around now, we’ve got some changing to do.
Improving Your Social Skills Will Land You A Better Job Than Getting A College Degree
First, let me point out that it’s a hell of a lot cheaper as well. You can learn to do this by simply observing others, reading a book, staying up to date on many different topics, or even reading a blog post written by someone with fantastic social skills, whom everyone seems to like.
For now, though, this article by me will have to suffice.
In all seriousness, I’ve been offered the best job opportunities in simple conversation than applying on Indeed Jobs or something.
Strike up a conversation with somebody at Starbucks next time you're there, (not the guy looking shady, seeking into the restroom with no intention of buying a Ventee? Large, drink), and make sure that you pick someone that looks like they got their life together.
Who knows, the person may be an entrepreneur who’s just started their own business and happens to need a writer or programmer for the website. You just so happen to have the exact talents they’re looking for.
Boom…
You’ve just landed your first freelancing job. One that pays a shockingly high amount, simply because you’re a great conversationalist who made a very good first impression on someone.
It’s usually not that easy, nor does it happen that quickly, but it does happen. Every single great opportunity that came my way, (and I’m strictly talking about work-related opportunities for now), did so in a similar fashion.
My first business partner was someone I met at an AA meeting of all places. Yes, I did address those other issues that we glossed over earlier in the article.
Notice that I said we glossed over them, not I glossed over them?
That’s tactic number one. Make them feel part of the team. When you’re a good person, and people like you, they tend to want you around. They’ll ask you to come along for some meeting with their own friends and colleagues, expanding your network of connections.
COnnections are key for financial success. I don’t care if you got a degree from a decent school, those top spots are reserved for the connected. Then among those luckily connected few, they pick the one that they actually enjoy to be around and socialize with.
Make sure that’s you and not the guy at Starbucks you see charming everyone around them, getting free birthday-popsicles… Is that what they’re called? Regardless, those things are delicious.
Life’s not all about work and money, so learn to conversate and you’ll find true happiness
Let’s face it, money does buy happiness, but only for those who grew up poor like me and millions of others across the globe. That’s not true, fulfilling happiness though, and it’ll fade with time and more money. Eventually, you’ll become another person that’s well off, but feels like crap inside and wants nothing more than to find some true human connection.
Perhaps even love?
If you’re annoying, rude, or anything remotely close to that then you might not have many friends, hence you’re not getting texts to come hang out, hence you’re stuck playing COD BlackOps 4 all night by yourself.
The mean and inconsiderate aren’t the only ones suffering from a lack of conversational skills. Some people are far down the likeability laddar simple because they are shy.
You might think they aren’t listening to you, but maybe they have severe social anxiety and feel uncomfortable making eye contact.
I know that sounds harsh, that someone wouldn’t be liked because they are shy, have anxiety, are just tired because they stayed up all night playing x-box, but it’s true. Don’t lie to yourself and say that you’d never ignore or not include someone because of those reasons or any others that are as petty.
Humans are still mammals. We move in herds. Some are small, some large. There are herds that eat well, have plenty of room to gallop, the younger bucks play around all day with each other.
Then there are the herds that are starving. Constantly on edge because a pack of lions has been picking off the stragglers; the shy who tend to stay on the sideline, away from the center of the pack.
A very dangerous, (and lonely), place to find yourself in the pecking order of a herd.
What I’m getting at with these analogies that are becoming more ridiculous and off-topic the farther I get in this piece, is that conversational and social skills are the bread and butter of life.
Learn them and life improves, pure and simple.
Practice Makes Perfect
I was not the nicest person while I was still using. Yet, I knew how to manipulate so I did okay with making friends, and even girlfriends. That was never really my issue.
When I got sober though, not only did the drugs leave my life, but so did the confidence I once had.
Or thought I once had and was really just emboldened by the euphoric effects caused by ingesting drugs and the false sense of security and happiness that comes along with it.
Trust me, I was not as confident as I once thought I was. Sobriety showed me who I really was, and this new person wasn’t as outgoing and funny. He didn’t fit in quite as well either, and the ladies definitely weren’t lining up, fighting each other to see which one would get his attention.
I must have been delusional back then…
The truth is, I became a hermit and loner. I didn’t like socializing and talking to people, especially not new ones. It felt like a chore I had to get done, you know the kind I’m talking about, like when you put off paying a bill until like 3:30 pm on the day it’s due.
Anyway, I’d start a conversation, (or try to at least), and then after the opener, then their rebuttal, I’d have nothing else to say.
It would get awkward, and they’d politely move on to another person, or just walk away.
I couldn’t talk to someone that I found attractive and enjoyable. I was filled with anxiety and nervousness.
Again, this may sound a bit harsh, but no one is going to come offer you a great business opportunity if you don’t socialize. You won’t get to go on a date with your dream crush if your shy or lack confidence.
After I worked on myself in therapy and at AA meetings, social awkwardness started getting better and my old self started to come back out again. The good parts of my old self thank goodness!
I was able to strike up conversations with random strangers again.
I could crack good jokes that made people actually laugh, not faking it. Wheather in conversation with a complete stranger or someone I’ve known all my life, I could hold eye contact with them, not once feeling awkward.
Implementing Your Re-Discovered Skills
Now that I was able to not make a complete fool of myself, actually able to articulate my thoughts and responses to people without hesitation, it was time to network. To build a network.
If you want to be a writer, then go and meet some writers. Have an idea for building a website? Then frequent internet cafes or something… Idk where computer programmers hangout in person, so sorry on that one. Perhaps create a GitHub account, perhaps a stack-overflow one too, then socialize via the chatrooms.
Who knows, maybe you’ll get lucky and one of the people you meet will live in your area.
The point is, find like-minded people, with ambition and goals that align with yours. Don’t lower yourself to being around negative people all the time. When you’re constantly around people with no ambition, it drains the drive that you have because moods/emotions are contagious.
Maybe even as contagious as covid-19!
To protect yourself from being infected, make sure to remember to keep 6 feet social distance from those displaying symptoms such as:
- Lack of Ambition
- Negative Attitude
- Drug Abuse (this is a tip for me, and people like me. Im a recovering addict, so I can’t associeate with old using-buddies)
- No Goals For Future
- No Job
Those are a few of the many symptoms that have been catching with the general public in recent years, espically among the younger generations. Use caution when you leave your house, you never know who you’ll encounter.
Okay now, in all seriousness, everyone will have a different and unique expierience. It’s the same for the problems we have to overcome in our lives, though we all share a common goal: To better ourselves.
Here’s a few examples of some things I did to excercise my newfound social skills.
I found friends who were interested in the same areas of business that I was. We set out on our own business ventures, (and considering I was no longer ingesting large quantities of drugs), they actually worked out.
I also worked on my “skills” and got the nerve to talk to someone who I had found attractive and funny. Very easy to talk to, she made it much less difficult.
So I said screw it one day and spilled the beans, straight up telling her how I felt. After that initial surge of confidence began to wear off, the ensuing silence deafining as we stood there staring there staring at each other, I explained that I had felt this way for a while, yet couldn’t work up the courage to say it to her.
I figured she might as well know the root cause of my social anxiety too, while I’m at it. (I mean, she knew me once when I was talkative, seemingly “confident” with myself) Then I also explained it was mostly due to the fact that I was newly sober and as a result I had lost all my social skills. At least it seemed that I did, until I had sought help and regained my old-self again.
She thought that was funny, even cute. Can you imagine that?
I don’t think she really understood that some of the details I told her when she asked about my addiction weren’t the result of me trying to boast or to make it some grandeur story, it was simply the truth.
I actually slept on a bus bench at one point. For weeks at a time.
The Conclusion
As for the conclusion of this article, well… I think you got the point.Everyone knows in the back of their mind that people with good social skills tend to do well not only career-wise but with people and life in general.
Sometimes we just need to hear it said (or read it on some Medium blog) for it to fully sink in. That’s what worked for me, at least. I read some very inspirational blogs, ones which i’d happily link to if I could find them, and the stuff that these men and woman went through made my struggles pale in comparison.
They gave me the courage to stand up and take life serious. Other’s have lost the ability to decide to change their lives. Imprisoned, death from over-doses or suicides, among other reasons.
It broke my heart reading some of the stories, but they all were written to make that point exactly.
Change before it’s too late for you, like it is for me, or my loved one.
As I stated in the sub-title, my life changed drastically once I became a likable, genuinely good person. If you care for others, and I’ll steal a quote from those AA meetings to drive home the closing statement, “Treat others the way you’d like to be treated.” then you’ll probably turn out okay.
I hope you enjoyed this story. I love writing about this topic, it’s one of my true passions in life, as cheesy as that sounds.
I wrote another article, which actually got chosen for futher dustribution, meaning A.K.A.= Curated. If you want to check it out, here it is.
Thanks!
