You Don’t Really Know Someone Until They’re Drunk.
If That’s True, Am I A Bad Person?
A Harmless Saying, Or A Stigma That Follows You?
We’ve all heard that saying before. Most of the time it’s meant in a playful or teasing sort of manner. Like back in high school, when you and a friend recall the party from the night before where you confessed to Susie Q, from 5th. period Math class your love for her. Or when you admit some lie you have been hiding from a friend, then you get drunk and spill your guts out to them.
We all have those sort of stories or have been on the receiving side of them at least.
So I’m not saying that it’s a bad saying or looking at this the wrong way. I am saying that with some people, this saying can have a much deeper, and darker meaning for them. I happen to be one of those people.
Thankfully I have 2 years clean from drugs and alcohol. It wasn’t always so.
Let Me Tell You About How I Was When I Drank
I think the innocent phase of “morning after” hangovers recalling embarrassing nights confessing my love for the high school crush of my dreams or the late-night brotherly love saga, where my best friend and I apologize for the sins we committed behind each other’s back, only lasted about 6 months.
Then it got a lot less embarrassing, and much more pure and utter regret.
I was truly hooked the first time I drank. I later switched to drugs, but it’s all the same when you really think about it.
If you were to take that saying literally, and then judge who the true me was by taking a look at how I was when I still drank…
Let’s just say I’m not sure that you would like what you saw. I know I sure didn’t. In fact, it terrified me.
I became a mean, violent, introverted human being, that no one in their right mind would ever want to be around. I destroyed the best jobs I ever had, plowed through relationships with the two women I truly loved, and hurt countless innocent people. All of this and more, for what? A drink. A shot of heroin.
I became depressed, and if you were my friend, (or at least tried to be), then you likely would get depressed by remaining near me for a few hours. If you managed to stick in there for a few weeks, a few months, well then you may never speak to me again.
I’m appalled at the person I became when I was still sick. Trust me, Alcoholism and Addiction is a sickness. I don’t care about the medical diagnosis aspect, the debates about whether it’s a genetic thing that is inherited from your parents, or any of that stuff. If you had a camera and followed me through the insanity of my drinking, and subsequent heroin addiction, you might confuse it for raw footage of a Stanley Kubric film yet to be edited.
So I ask myself, “Is that who I truly am?”
Yes, and no.
The fact is, that you can’t chalk all of your past sins up to your addiction/alcoholism. I tried that when I first got sober, and boy was it nice.
I could just shrug everything off, I mean come on, don’t you know? I was an addict. It wasn’t truly me.
To clarify, what I’m getting at is there are certain sins and acts that are just inexcusable. I don’t want to give off the impression that I think we all need to be kind and forgiving to the Alcoholic husband who beat us mercilessly for years. The pedophile Uncle who molested you when you were a young child. A murderer, doing life behind bars for a double homicide. “Because he was dope sick and needed money.”
Maybe I’m wrong, and this is just my opinion, but even at my worst when I was homeless and horribly addicted to drugs, I’d never commit a murder to get my next high.
If you’re capable of crimes of that nature, then the alcohol and drugs probably just brought them out sooner rather than later.
So Are You Saying That You Agree Or Disagree With The Saying?
I don’t know, this article kind of backfired on me I guess. When I began writing this paragraph, I got stuck for a second, then took another look at the sub-heading I just wrote and thought…
“Wait a second, this wasn’t in my notes. The article wasn’t supposed to go so far in this direction.”
That’s how writing is though. True writing. When you have everything planned out to the last detail. Title, headings, the main point, and the supporting facts or your opinion. All of it, down to the article's conclusion and closing argument. Yet when you start writing the actual story you veer off for a second and have something completely different in front of you.
I suppose now all there is left to do is just go with it. Why not.
I guess this is a much more difficult topic than I had first imagined. My thought process when making the notes to guide me along while writing, just to stay on topic, seemed to suggest two things.
- That I understood the saying was meant more for the innocent teasing of friends, after a night of drinking and embarrassing debauchery, during the morning hangover.
- Then I was to get into how it started to take on a deeper and more profound meaning later in life. When my alcoholism and addiction turned me into a monster that I couldn't stand to look at anymore.
- Lastly, I knew that I had to fit in the part about the unforgivable crimes some commit, then chalk up to drink or drug. Make the point that they only made them worse, and emboldened the demons that were probably always there. There is no excuse for the things that some people have done to innocent victims.
You might be thinking to yourself. “That’s exactly what you did write about, if not in the order you had intended.”
True, but you have no idea what I’m thinking right about now.
Am I a monster?
Were some of the crimes I committed and the hurtful things I’ve done to some people unforgivable?
These are the thoughts going through my head. In the end, I’ll never have all the answers to all of those questions. It’s not my place to say if someone I hurt is okay, or if they “got over it” after all these years. Many of them did forgive me when I made amends to them in the process of recovery.
I have truly tried to put right the wrongs I’ve committed. To this day I am very aware of how I treat people because I know what I am capable of, and I never want to be like that again.
To an extent, that answers the question I guess. The absence of shame and guilt is a true sign of a psychopath. So if you were ever like me, and did harm to people you loved because of your addiction or drinking, ask yourself.
“Am I truly regretful I hurt them?”
“Am I really ashamed of my actions?”
If you answered yes to both of those questions then you are probably not a psycho-murderer, rolling around like a ticking time bomb and a danger to society.
I guess to wrap this up and put what I’m trying to describe in a really simple way that everyone will understand.
You have two adult men, facing the same situation because of a night of drinking. Both are awaiting trial for murder.
This is how they each reacted the first morning they were sober.
The first guy struck Timmy with his car at 8:30 pm, killing him on impact. Immediately following, he crashes into a telephone pole, not yet knowing that he just killed an 8 year old boy. He was drunk and driving, angry at the world, and speeding that night. He wakes up in a hospital, cuffed to the bed, and is told by the police what he did. In his head, the first thought he had is: “How am I going to get out of this. I’m FUCKED!”
The second guy, who was also driving drunk, was also angry at the world and speeding, struck 8 year old Timmy at 8:30 pm. Killed him on impact, and then wrecked into the pole like the other guy. The following morning, head throbbing, he goes to move and realizes that he’s handcuffed to a hospital bed. The police come into the room and tell him what he did. In his head, the first thought he had is: “Oh my god… I killed an 8 year old boy? What have I done?”
How would you react if you were in the shoes of a person who struck an 8 year old boy and killed him?
