People Call Me Brave and This Is What I Have To Say About It.
This is in response to my last article.
With my last story, I have received a great amount of feedback which I am grateful for and one of the comments that I kept getting was that I am brave for sharing my story and for being authentic. For some reason I just feel very compelled to talk about the particular comment of being brave.
According to google, brave is defined as “showing courage”. Now here is the thing, most of the readers probably thought that I was showing courage by sharing my struggle story with my mental disorders but that’s far from the truth. I am most definitely not ashamed of my struggle with my mental health so I would not consider talking about it as brave. I love talking about it, I don’t mind sharing it online with people that know me or with strangers. However, I will say that I did show courage in terms of sharing it despite how people might perceive it. I bring the perception part up because there is still so much stigma surrounding mental health.
When I got diagnosed, I always like to joke about how I didn’t get the memo. I was so excited to share my diagnoses with everybody and let them know that I am not just a regular girl, but a special one with special needs and I needed to be treated accordingly. With gentleness, patience and understanding because like I said, I am special. I am literally laughing at myself right now thinking about it. No, but seriously I was so unashamed. If anyone would ask how I am, I would not try to downplay it. “I am depressed and anxious” would be my answer. If someone was to walk past me in the kitchen or the bathroom and I was downing my pills that I was prescribed and they were to ask as to what they were, I would unapologetically say that I am taking antidepressants and/or anti-anxiety meds. They would have either one or all of the following looks on their faces, confusion, inquisitiveness or fear. What puzzled me most was how even the people who suffered with the same or other types of disorders would also not speak up or be confused to see how comfortable I was with talking about my struggles. This made me stop in my tracks and ask myself , am I doing something wrong? Maybe I shouldn’t share my diagnosis like that with just anybody? Or maybe I am being too straightforward and upfront about it?
This made me fall into the trap of being less open about it for a while. Hide that I am going through a depressive episode from my roommate, less talk about the depression and anxiety and take the pills in the comfort of my room instead. In efforts to feel less judged and to answer less questions that might come my way from ignorant people. That didn’t last long though, at most two weeks. This is because anyone who knows me knows that I am an open book. I don’t know how to pretend to be something that I am not. If I am feeling something, you will feel it too. If I am thinking something, best believe that I am going to let you know. So, if I am depressed or anxious, even if I don’t say it, you are going to feel it. I was back to being unashamed in no time.
After a few deliberations, I think that I have an answer and this is of course my own opinion before anyone decides to come for me. I would like to believe that the reason as to why I am “brave” in sharing and talking about this topic so much is the fact that I am not ashamed of it at all because for me, it is not my identity. It is not a defining factor of who I am. It does not dictate what I can or cannot do. At most, it controls my feelings, my thoughts and my actions to some extent. But that’s where it ends. It is not entirely me. I don’t see it as a flaw; thus, I am not ashamed of it. Instead, I see it as something that makes me unique. It makes me different; it makes me stand out. With that being said, I hope to help others detach shame from any sort of struggles that they may be experiencing. The amazing thing I find about struggle is how it is so predictable. It comes to an end eventually. It has to. It is just the duration and intensity of it that might fluctuate and differ from person to person. Another surety is that we all struggle in some way shape or form so it baffles me when we try to keep our struggles under wraps and call those who share theirs brave. Yes, they might be brave in sharing their struggles but why can’t we all be brave? Since we all have struggles.
