3 Unexpected Life Lessons from My Ph.D.
How to work so you thrive in a high-stress environment
As I sat peering at my 3182nd line of code, the lines blurred and all I could see was the red error messages. Lines and lines of error messages I needed to get through by morning. My analysis stopped.
It always stops.
I looked up from the screen and out of the window of my empty office into the quiet night. Everyone left and I lost track of time pressing towards a looming deadline. Instead of feeling my usual grief and existential terror I got up calmly, packed up, and left. I decided what I had was good enough and reasonable and sleep was more important.
In that moment I realized I was a very different person from when I started. Despite the stress, high expectations, and uncertainty I was coping and even thriving. I was managing myself and my environment and I did it with these three life lessons.
Lesson #1 — You and your boss are in a relationship
Yes, you are in a relationship and you need to manage it to succeed.
The relationship between a boss and subordinate is mutually dependent. Both parties have specific needs like any other relationship. Learning how to manage your boss or “managing up” is a skill.
I have a good relationship with my supervisors because I got lucky and because I learned what they want. My first supervisor is a real stickler for administrative tasks. Let’s call him Administrative Alan. Alan is very much by-the-book and ensures my forms are correctly filled in record time. My advisor Detailed Dan is an intellectual powerhouse who asks the tough questions. Every decision I make launches a mini-thesis defense. Dan’s interest is in the details and values deep thought above all else. He pays no mind to the administration, like Administrative Alan.
Alan and Dan each have their own ideas of what is important which I leverage. Once I needed to set a thesis submission date, I asked Administrative Alan to work with me on this, a natural fit. When I needed help with my code I would go to Detailed Dan only. I give each of them the task they like to do and are good at and in doing so I manage my expectations of each of them.
Your boss has a specific personality, strengths, and things they emphasize as important. Get to know their personality well. Give them what they think is important. Engage their strengths.
Things became easier when I learned how to meet what they wanted so that I could get what I wanted. Relationships are about give and take and professional relationships are no different. Give them what they value and you will get what you value.
Lesson #2 — Forget the shortcuts, they are an illusion
Have you ever taken a shortcut professionally that paid off in the long term?
Yea, I didn’t think so.
I’ve tried shortcuts and paid for it every single time. I had to contact an expert about a new subject matter and decided quite arrogantly that I could figure it out on my own. I did it myself and had to redo it many times. It ended up taking more time than if I made the effort to contact the expert in the first place. I falsely overestimated my knowledge.
Our brains take shortcuts to help us condense complex, high-volume data into key concepts by getting rid of unnecessary information. These “heuristics” or “mental shortcuts” have been studied quite extensively in decision-making with clear advantages and disadvantages. Our mental shortcuts work well, most of the time. The key is being able to observe when it does not work.
We see shortcuts in medicine and safety as big no-nos with potentially catastrophic implications. By comparison, you may think your shortcut is no big deal when in fact you have no way of knowing how it will impact the future. It is a gamble. Shortcuts reportedly lead to the 2010 BP Deep Water Horizon oil spill. In science, data fabrication is a detrimental shortcut habit that we pay for today. We falsely conclude our shortcut would be without consequences. We get lazy or attach a negative emotion to the longer route.
Shortcuts are at best a time waster. Shortcuts are only a true shortcut in the beginning. This is the illusion. You will spend more time fixing the shortcut than if you took the long, rigorous route in the first place.
Look, if you want to produce good work you have to be thorough. There are no exceptions in or out of academia. One more time for emphasis — good work is thorough and thoroughness has no shortcuts.
Lesson #3 — Pay attention to and pivot from your mistakes
This one is a bit cliche and I was hesitant to add it but it is essential. I have a deep appreciation for my mistakes. We could philosophize that there are no “mistakes”, only opportunities for growth and lessons. Maybe. For this story, we will consider mistakes as things you could have made a better decision with. A mistake could be in something specific to a step in an experiment or project for example. It could also be broader like mistakes in how you show up at work.
Research shows that we have a tendency to repeat the same mistakes until we learn the lesson. Why? There are many theories and this great video on why we make mistakes by The Atlantic provides some insight. One theory is the heavy influence of emotion on our decision-making. We know that negative emotional states such as anger or depression drive unhealthy behaviors such as overeating or self-isolation. Our mistake patterns are also learned from childhood. Another theory says that “mistake pathways” form in our brain once we focus on our mistakes. The theory shows that hyper-focusing on a mistake makes us more likely to repeat it.
So how can we learn the lesson the first time? Here is what works for me. Don’t quickly move on to the next thing. Pause. Take an inventory of what happened and why. Critically dissect the event so you learn from it and don’t repeat it. Make a gentle mental note. Some questions you can ask yourself are:
- Why didn’t it work out?
- What could I have done differently?
- Is this a recurring pattern in my life?
- What new habit can I put in place going forward?
When something doesn’t work we have an opportunity to take a deep dive into our decisions-making proccess and pivot to a more informed state of being.
I have made many mistakes, too many to count. Will I repeat it? Likely. After all, to err is human. But when I take the time to analyze what happened and seek the lesson, I’m less likely to repeat it. Once done, don’t dwell on it. Move forward and think of a future where you implemented your new habit. This future is your higher, more informed ground.
Tying it all together
The decisions you make and the relationships you foster mold your professional life. Approach each decision with the rigor required to produce good work. Forget the shortcuts. Take a moment to evaluate the decisions you perceive as “mistakes”. This is grounds for deep learning and an opportunity to pivot to the next phase of your life. Finally, ensure your professional relationships are mutually beneficial. Remember you must give to get.
Thanks for reading!
Kim
