Cancel The Comment Section: The Rise Of Fat Phobia On Social Media

I might be aging myself when I blow the dust off this unlocked memory, but who doesn’t remember the rampant disgust for fat bodies that housed itself on Tumblr in the early to mid-2000s? Disguising itself as being “pro thin” or “pro anorexia”, a sick way to feel in and of itself, users all over the Internet came to Tumblr for tips, tricks, and how tos for staying thin, feeling full when you hadn’t eaten, and losing any weight they may have gained when they’d lost control.

You might think the majority of people who contract an eating disorder do it because they have a desire to look a certain way. Unfortunately that’s only a small part of why someone could become anorexic, orthorexic, bulimic, have binge eating tendencies, or practice any assortment of the disordered eating that’s become so commonplace in our society. A large summation of the problem is usually an underlying health condition, mental or otherwise, or a home situation that feels out of the victim’s control. That’s really the factor that matters here — eating disorders and honestly, dieting and weight loss in general are all about control. Now, before I dive in, I want to make it abundantly clear I’m not equating all dieting or weight loss programs or exercise regimes to the extremes of an eating disorder. Eating disorders can be deadly and I don’t want to deny anyone’s struggles or experiences. I’m mainly just speaking of the connection between our societal norms and social media tendencies and the use of unsolicited advice, backhanded “compliments”, and rude comments to police human bodies. Specifically, fat bodies.

Between weight loss ads on television, fitness influencers on social media, and doctors straight up risking malpractice because they have a fat patient in front of them, there isn’t a safe haven in our current existence for our self esteem to escape to. But why exactly does society seem to hate fat people so much? You may be saying that it’s unhealthy to be fat and that generally it’s okay to assume someone’s lazy or incompetent if they don’t take care of their appearance. But speaking from my personal experience as a fat 26 year old, I’m incredibly healthy. Surprising I know.

How do I know this? Personally, 75% of the time I eat pretty healthily and I work out, on a good week, almost six times a week. But you definitely wouldn’t know it by looking at me. I’ve had countless blood tests, body scans, and even a sleep scan over the past four or five years trying to figure out why I have a very specific kind of migraine. Sure, I’m fat. There’s no denying that. But every test that sought to find a problem with my health has told me that I’m extremely healthy and that generally nothing’s really wrong with me. That’s good news, but trust me, when you’re hoping a doctor can fix a problem you’re having, hearing you’re perfectly healthy is actually really upsetting.

Well then why am I fat? I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome). Some may say I have a syndrome, therefore I’m not healthy. And while yes, PCOS makes it incredibly difficult for me to lose weight and far too easy for me to gain it, it’s not killing me. The heart disease and clogged arteries commenters on TikTok warn fat people of aren’t coming for me slowly in the night while I dream of carbs and fast food. I’m a healthy individual with a hormone disorder. It may make it hard for me to have children someday, but generally, it affects me in no other way.

While I’ve seen men suffer from the unrealistic expectations society places on them as well, I certainly won’t discount that plenty of men suffer from eating disorders, — I mean, have you ever stepped foot inside a gym? Those men grunting and drinking pre-workout and eating nothing but chicken and broccoli definitely don’t have a healthy relationship with their bodies or with food in general— what I’ve never seen are literally thousands of people swarming a fat man’s comment section to remind him how fat and unhealthy he is because those commenters are “just trying to be helpful”. Men don’t seem to face the accusations that women do of perpetuating an unhealthy body image and an unhealthy lifestyle. There are plenty of fat male celebrities, but I haven’t heard from women that those men are completely undesirable because of their appearance and that because they’re undesirable, they deserve to be verbally, mentally, and emotionally abused.

Women are taught to value a partner based on their mind and their personality. We’re taught to judge a man based on what makes a good husband and father. While I understand I’m simply speaking of a heterosexual male to female relationship, and this may not be universal, it’s interesting to see how women are choosing their male partners versus how men are choosing their female partners. Sure, many women marry for money, but really you can blame the patriarchy for that as well. I’ve just not seen that it’s ever looks that women are discriminating against or even are deterred by. I personally have dated men that I didn’t find that attractive at first, just to give their personality a chance to shine.

So what do I mean by all of this? A lot of fat phobia can be rooted in misogyny. Society hates women but society also loves to control women. Don’t even get me started on how controlling women has roots in Christian values and that while the United States of America isn’t a theocracy, legislation is attempted to be put in place literally every single day to continue to control women and what they do with their bodies, but I digress.

How dare a woman be fat and happy? How dare a woman go against what society has deemed acceptable? Unfortunately, while I’m a white Jewish woman from northern New Jersey and I can’t speak on a black woman’s experiences, a lot of fat phobia can also be traced back to racism and the policing of black bodies.

Eurocentric beauty ideals originally included that of a full figured woman. Being fat meant you had enough food to eat and therefore you were wealthy enough to get fat. Being thin meant you were poor. It wasn’t until the slave trade that we noticed the difference in how Africans acted versus how the Europeans acted. It wasn’t until that distinction was made that someone decided, “well no. We’re civilized. We have self control. We’re better than those people” that the new beauty standard included thin, even frail, women.

Take it from Sabrina Strings, an Associate Professor of Sociology at the University of California, Irvine. “When we’re in the colonies, we’re noticing that Africans are sensuous. They love sex, and they love food. And for this reason, they tend to be too fat. Europeans, we have rational self-control. This is what makes us the premier race of the world. So in terms of body size, we should be slender, and we should watch what we eat.”

Strings goes on to say it isn’t as intentional as deciding that European women needed to be thin because African women were fat. It was more that once races began to intersect and create new skin colors (the original identifier), society decided it needed a new way to decipher who deserved to be free and who didn’t, essentially creating fat phobia as a way to treat black people and people of color like they didn’t have self control and therefore didn’t deserve equality or freedom. In modern times, we’re watching as the world says it’s bad, even deadly, to be fat. We’re also watching as society deems it appropriate to shame individuals for their appearance, specifically if their appearance “should” be under their control and it all stems from these racist, misogynistic views of what society says a woman and a person should be.

How does this affect us now? The internet, social media, and our world in general have become a place where women aren’t allowed to love anything, least of all themselves. You like make up? Someone’s there to judge you. You like romantic comedies? Don’t worry, someone’s there to make fun of you. You love a certain kind of music? The internet is there to remind you that you have “basic” taste in music. You have the self confidence to tell everyone you feel pretty today? Whether you’re fat or you’re thin, there’s someone in your comment section reminding you that you absolutely shouldn’t feel that way.

If I think about the reasons I want to lose weight, because I absolutely do, none of them have to do with my health. They have to do with what kinds of clothes I’d feel comfortable wearing and what kinds of men would finally pay attention to me. Sure, a man could find me unattractive if I were thin and anyone absolutely is allowed to have a preference for the type of person they’d like to be with and are attracted to. But it’s not a secret that my participation in the male gaze would certainly benefit me more if I were thin. My fatness would no longer be the sole reason I was found unattractive and that in of itself would be a weight lifted off my shoulders. However, it’s not just about dating. It’s also the people in my life who feel comfortable making extremely specific comments about my body or dismissing my experiences all together for the sake of not knowing what to say when I’m honest. My appearance and my health aren’t intertwined, yet, if I were thin, everyone would assume I was healthy instead of assuming the opposite. I’m living proof that you simply can’t gauge a person’s health by what they look like, but that doesn’t stop assholes on the internet from claiming they can.

Recently, there’s a debate on TikTok of whether thin shaming or fat shaming is worse to endure. Thin women seem to think all fat people can “just lose the weight” but complain how hard it is for them to put the weight on and how often they’re made fun of by their peers. While I’m not here to compare individual struggles, I can definitely say the fat experience, especially in the US, is oppressive. Disclaimer: While these people aren’t facing oppression because they’re fat they could still be facing oppression from other things out of their control, but I’m specifically referencing their weights going forward.

Let me preface this by saying that it’s absolutely never okay to make a negative comment about someone’s body or appearance in any way. You’re not helping them by suggesting they eat a hamburger or by suggesting they work out more just like it’s not helpful if I nicely “suggest” you get a nose job or that you should get braces. But really, the world caters to thin women for all of the reasons I’ve already mentioned. All clothes are made for your body, all men are conditioned to think you’re beautiful, doctors don’t suggest that you take medicine so you won’t get hungry and generally give advice that glorifies not eating at all, no one makes an assumption about you based on what it is that you’re eating, and while none of this stops anyone from saying shit they shouldn’t say, you’re absolutely not oppressed in our society. The world is for you and it may be hard and you may be insecure, and those insecurities are completely valid, but let me repeat that you absolutely aren’t oppressed the way fat people, especially fat women, are.

Social media has negatively impacted our views of ourselves but also our views of each other. We’re living in the age of narcissism and some could argue it’s an epidemic. Hiding behind our computers and phones has given us a false confidence and entitlement and a lot of people need to be knocked down a couple pegs. I don’t know if this began first with the rise of social media and anonymity online or in 2016 when Trump’s presidency made it okay to dismiss the parts of our brains that filter every disgusting thought we have before we say them out loud. But somewhere along the line, we forgot the “Golden Rule” that each of us learned in pre-school; “Treat others how you want to be treated”.

Everyone seems to think their opinion is not only valid, but also that it’s completely necessary to voice it. You could argue that by writing this I seem to think the same thing. Maybe I think the difference is that I’m advocating for simply thinking before you speak — or rather, before you type — so that no one has to endure the pain of being reminded how fat, unhealthy, anorexic looking, not curvy enough, ugly, or inherently lazy, and undesirable the world seems to think you are. It’s not a “gentle reminder”, it’s not “helpful”. It’s mean and while I do believe everyone thinks they’re correct and everyone thinks they’re nice and no one really has bad intentions, let me gently remind you that intentions don’t matter.

If I make a TikTok or post a photo on Instagram, I’m not posting it with the expectation that someone will comment how fat they think I am and hope that they’ll give me suggestions on how I could lose weight. If this is something you do, I hate to break it to you, but you’re an asshole and you should figure out why, in therapy, you feel the need to tear people down. I’m not unaware of what I look like. No one doesn’t know what they look like. Sure you could argue that body dysmorphia exists, but I’m not sitting around going “I look like Kendall Jenner on my best day”. I’m aware I’m fat and no fat person or person who’s too thin or person with a huge nose or person with any insecurity literally at all doesn’t know about it. We all know. Your reminders, again, are just mean.

I’m not promoting obesity simply by existing. I’m existing and I happen to be obese. Those aren’t the same thing and my ability to love myself is hindered by everyone reminding me that I absolutely shouldn’t love myself because I’m fat. My body, my mind, my health, it doesn’t concern anyone so stop wasting your time trying to change the way people look just because you’re insecure. If I don’t want anyone’s religious beliefs shoved down my throat, why would I want anyone’s negative body image shoved down my throat? I could argue that you’re extremely unlikable but that’s a different conversation (also rooted in misogyny).

The world absolutely just doesn’t like to see fat people happy and would rather see them exhibiting signs of an eating disorder to prove they’re at least trying to look the way society tells them to. I’m not unhealthy and I’m on a journey to love myself no matter what weird shit you’re going to write in my comments. I am a fat person who deals with my own internal fat phobia. I am a fat person who wants to stay healthy but also wants to feel beautiful. If I’m exercising and eating what you consider to be “healthy” food, that’s for me, not for you. It’s not for your acceptance and honestly, if everyone in the world weren’t literally ripping fat people apart at any given time, I might not feel the need to lose weight at all.

Really the point is whether a person has something underlying going on or not, it’s not your place to make comments about someone’s body or their face or their brain or their assumed health or whatever it is because you literally couldn’t possibly know what’s going on behind closed doors. Thin or fat it’s not up to you to dictate what that person should or shouldn’t look like. Keep your comments to yourself.