Growing Up & Growing Apart: Not All Friendships Are Forever

Losing a childhood best friend is never easy, but sometimes it’s necessary to continue to grow.

Savannah Estelle
The Shadow
Published in
3 min readMar 9, 2021

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Photo by Jed Villejo on Unsplash

2020 seems to be the poster year for the disintegration of relationships. Parties are on pause, our favourite hangouts closed, and life is in such disarray that taking the time out to video call can be daunting. I blame working from home, social distancing and — of course — the growing societal crevasse of political divide.

Adult friendships wax and wane more often than when we were children. Adults are juggling so many responsibilities, from work to family, that “hanging out” without meticulous planning does not seem like an option anymore. And, as we continue to learn and grow, there are times when the dynamics of even the closest friendships shift, and it can be difficult to work through these situations when the relationship is no longer as fulfilling as it used to be.

Losing a close friend hurts as much, if not more, than losing a significant other. It’s hard to admit, but sometimes growing apart from your old friends is necessary to develop as a person or open the door to new friendships that are better suited to who you’ve become.

My childhood best friend and I used to be like two peas in a pod; we were like sisters. We had so many adventures together. We bonded over playing the same sports, sitting together in every lesson we could, making cheesy home movies and trying to bypass our school’s internet restrictions so we could watch our favourite shows at break together. Now I’m an adult, I sometimes think I’ve forgotten how to be as happy as we were as children. I remember we were always laughing. We promised to be each other’s maids of honour, gossiped about each other’s firsts — first kiss, first love, first job — and wrote in our high-school leavers’ yearbook that in ten-years-time we’d be sailing around the world together.

Almost ten years have passed, and we don’t talk anymore.

A common reason for the dissolution of a close friendship is that people’s views and interests change over time, and sometimes they no longer align with our friends. That and, as our free time reduces as we age, we naturally tend to cut down the number of friends we have.

The rift in our friendship began towards the middle of sixth form (high-school junior). We had been placed in different form groups, took different classes and found ourselves with different friends. And it didn’t stop there. Our hobbies changed. Then we moved hundreds of miles apart for university until soon the only things we had in common were memories.

Letting a friendship run its natural course and accepting that relationships change is hard, no matter your age. At first, I tried to remain in her life. I’d interact with her on social media, text her, and invite her to meet up every time I passed by until I realised that it takes two to sustain a relationship, and my efforts were not being reciprocated.

The final nail in the coffin and nudge to let go came this summer. Our entire friendship group reunited for a hen party, and it became clear that we were now two strangers with a cloud of awkward, semi-animosity hanging between us. We didn’t so much as share a word.

We were no longer tomboyish school girls who’d bonded over our love of hockey and water sports. We had grown into women, and we had grown apart, and that is okay. Neither of us is a bad friend, and neither of us are to blame. It’s a natural part of life.

The beauty of this world is that many people will come in and out of your life. Some of these aren’t meant to stay forever but will always leave a mark of some kind. Those who happen to be “forever” friends might not always be right by your side at every moment, but they’ll always be there for you when you need it. Growth is a good thing and shouldn’t be shied away from because of a fear of change, and true friends will understand that and grow with you, be that together or apart.

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The Shadow
The Shadow

Published in The Shadow

We publish inspiring stories about different topics for a productive and entertaining life

Savannah Estelle
Savannah Estelle

Written by Savannah Estelle

Lover of animals, travel and cheesy movies. Exploring the world one word at a time.

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