How Am I Dealing With Overthinking And Worrying?
Hello, lovely people on the Internet!
Today I am writing about Overthinking and Worrying, which by the way, I’ve been doing a lot recently. I make decisions all the time that I go back to, which drives me crazy. Besides, I also worry about a lot of things like
- How’s my future going to be?
- My financial situation
- My parents, the fact that there are getting older and I’m not with them
- Am I a good brother? Am I helping my sister to be more independent? How’s her future going to be?
- Am I sharing information with my friends and colleagues in a way that they feel helpful and valuable or just potentially wasting their time?
- About the world in general, the pandemic, human rights, environment, etc.
- And lastly, I worry about the fact that I worry
So, as you can see, I kind of overthink these things a lot, and I wonder where it came from. You see, I don’t think I was always this way. I think it’s something I learned over time. It kind of feels like a learned behavior or a learned habit. And I feel like if I learned it, then there are ways, I can unlearn it. So, why not dive deeper and unravel things.
Why do we overthink and worry?
I know worrying is a part of the human experience. It has kind of embedded into our day-to-day lives. Evolutionarily, it was very protective in nature, and we had to worry about finding food and shelter because it could mean the difference between life and death. But now, the things that we commonly worry about, or at least I worry about, are a lot less life-threatening. You see, I worry about do I look good, or I worry about my grades, or I worry about talking to people so that I don’t hurt them, etc.
I feel like throughout much of human history, or even if we look at animals when it comes to thinking or worrying, it seems like there is an “onset” of the worry like something that causes it — A Trigger, followed by An Action, and then there is A Resolution. Essentially, the worry is short-lived because of the action. For example, A deer spots a tiger in the bushes, it runs away immediately, and it’s safe, or I worry about my parents, so I call them instantly and talk to them, and I feel calm, or at least I feel relaxed for the time being.
I feel like the things that we worry about in the modern age are, about things, that aren’t resolvable right now. They’re about the things that are either far into the distant future and quite intangible or things that are entirely out of our control, or they’re about hypothetical things. I don’t know about you, but I make up these hypothetical scenarios in my mind, and they are pretty wild. I once read somewhere
“My life is full of terrible things that never happened.”
which kind of summarizes my overthinking in a nutshell.
You see, because these things are un-resolvable, the overthinking lingers and lasts, and because there’s no action, there’s no resolution. And we get stuck in these very real and uncomfortable feelings — a discomfort which I think stems from feelings of uncertainty like we’re trying to control the uncontrollable, which is the unknown of the future.
I wonder many a time why we overthink so much, or at least I do? Is it our way of emotionally, physically, psychologically preparing ourselves for fear, loss, and failure because if we’ve already dealt with these negative emotions, at least hypothetically, and maybe if it happens in reality, we’ll be better suited to deal with it?
I guess that’s also the problem with overthinking is that because we’re so stuck thinking about the future or something that we’ve done in the past, it really strips us and robs us of being here, in the present, with the things happening around us and people surrounding us.
How do I try to control my overthinking and worrying?
So, what I’ve been doing when I get into this cycle of overthinking, when I recognize the moment — I pause for a moment and question myself — Is this something I have control over or not? and those are the two options which helps me deal with it.
How to deal with things you have no control over?
If it’s something that I don’t have control over, for example, worrying about someone else’s behavior or a decision I’ve already made that’s said and done in the past. I recognize that there is no point in continuously thinking about it, so I try to distract myself and move on from it. There is a Roman philosopher Lucius Seneca who once said
“There are more things that frighten us than injure us. We suffer more in imagination than in reality.” — Lucius Seneca
He also said
“A man who suffers before it is necessary,
suffers more than is necessary.” — Lucius Seneca
These sayings stuck with me, and I realize there is no point in stewing over things that we can’t control, but, of course, I know it’s easier said than done. Here’s what helps me — I take a moment and do a brain dump where I write it all out because it allows for a moment of reflection which can be really helpful, and also it gives me the opportunity to get it out of my chest and move on from it, or I’ll talk to someone about it
What doesn’t help is if I “keep it” in my mind because that’s when the cyclical thinking kind of returns. So, externalizing it and moving on from it, is I feel, the more constructive way to deal with it, or at least it helps me getting over it.
How to deal with things you have control over?
The problem with things you have control over like, your own behavior, is that it makes it really easy to overthink things, so what helps me in such situations is — I find a way to measure it. You see, by measuring it, we’re taking action, and we’re making the unknown a little bit known, at least for that moment.
I still remember enrolling for my master’s at the Indian Institute of Science (IISc), Bengaluru, India was overwhelming, but at the same time I was worried about a lot of things like
- Living alone in a hostel, far away from my family, which by the way, was my first time
- What to eat or what not to eat in the cafeteria
- Meeting new people, colleagues, professors from all around the world and connecting with them
- Taking new courses and learning new subjects, assignments, grades, etc.
Luckily, I found some friendly colleagues, seniors, and professors who showed me ways to handle such situations and helped me prepare short-term, manageable action steps, which changed everything for me. Though it didn’t solve the problem entirely, it made the situation a lot clearer. Doing these actions kept me busy, and I was thinking less and was adjusting to my surroundings more.
Summary
In summary, I am someone who overthinks things, and what I try to do about it is I put those things into these two camps. I ask myself, do I have control over this, or do I not have control over this?
- If it is something that I don’t have control over, I externalize it by journaling or by talking and NOT keeping it inside. Once I’ve had that moment of reflection, I simply move on from it.
- If it is something that I do have control over, I find a way to measure it by breaking down this overwhelming thing into short-term, manageable steps, which helps me feel like I’m taking action.
If you’re reading this, I hope you found this article helpful
Thank you for reading!!
