How To Avoid Emotional Affairs (Or Even Know You’re In One)

Tips on staying out of trouble

“We’re just good friends” is what you might tell yourself at first. But self-delusion and rationalization only go so far before reality sets in: you are in a full-blown emotional affair with a coworker. You look forward to seeing her every day, enjoy her company more than your partner’s and think she’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. That’s why you have plunked your carcass on my office couch, wracked with anxiety, worried about getting caught, not knowing what to do.

WHAT MAKES EMOTIONAL AFFAIRS SO ATTRACTIVE?

The gold standard of healthy relationships is that partners feel special to each other. Problem is, life gets in the way. Committed relationships can, at times, seem more transactional, mired in the daily grind with partners feeling less emotionally attended to, often due to the length of a relationship, dual-career stresses, or child-rearing issues. Sometimes, people simply grow apart.

What’s alluring about an emotional affair is that it has a certain “purity” to it. It is free from nitty-gritty responsibilities of everyday life. You and your emotional-affair person (EAP) have no agenda other than to listen and respond to each other. Issues like who takes out the garbage…