The Male Eunuch.
You can thank Germaine Greer and 300 dealbreakers.
“Women have very little idea of how much men hate them.” Germaine Greer
There was a time when feminism seemed a bit of a lark. Even Germaine Greer, whose The Female Eunuch came out in 1970, considered it more a platform for shocking women than liberating them. She told women to “taste their own menstrual blood,” and take a good look at “pubescent boys.” Greer had her moments, but now, well into her 70s, she’s like a batty old aunt, who’s never ashamed of being clever or incontinent.
Meanwhile, there’s a new breed of feminist
Today, there’s what we might call a hybrid feminist. Unlike Greer and her followers, whose main interest was controlling their own sex, these new feminists are more about controlling ours. We messed up with all our subjugation and hatred towards them, and now we have to pay. That could take a while because they’re essentially plotting, and you know how women are when they’re plotting. It could go on long after Christmas.
Legally speaking, we’re screwed.
We’re all aware of what happens if you expose yourself in public. Did you know you can also be charged for exposing yourself to your wife? It seems not giving advance warning could result in her having horrible sexual flashbacks. Courts award wives for this kind of undue stress, even if the wife thinks the whole thing’s bonkers. As someone on Reddit said, “We have a gyn-judicial system that royally fucks men over.”
Scientifically speaking, we’re screwed.
Women have something men don’t. It’s called pickiness. While we go about our tasks, making decisions on the fly, women believe they have the right to consider all options. On CNN not long ago, Lori Gottlieb, an award-winning therapist and speaker, described a research study where hundreds of men and women were asked to describe the dealbreakers that would scupper a second date. Men named three. Women named three hundred.
Women want jerks or “bad boys.”
It’s no secret women are guilty of horrible hypocrisy. While they claim they love a dash of danger in their partners, over 30% (according to a study done by The Western Criminology Review) admitted they avoid men they feel might be threatening. Low dating numbers would suggest “bad boys” are possibly the most confused individuals on the planet today.
We smell…(no, no, it’s a good thing)
A study at the University of Liverpool wanted to explore the whole female dating theme that “timid men need not apply.” They sprayed men with different scents, some active, some not. In most cases, women chose the active-scented man, believing him to be more confident, and more likely to be a good provider. Germaine Greer would consider this seriously fucked.
Why our confidence is shot or seriously wounded.
We can’t exactly pin this on women, but men don’t have a lot to feel confident about these days. During this past recession, three quarters of the jobs lost were held by men. Either we’re not good at what we do, or women have convinced someone they’re better, which could be another woman since three quarters of us men aren’t working anymore.
We don’t hate women nearly as much as Greer says
Men are like dogs. You slap our noses and we can’t make friends with you fast enough. We’ll even wave to you from the unemployment line. How that makes us misogynists is beyond me. Greer still feels we bury our “woman hatred” like we bury deceased pets. That’s not true at all. We love, respect and admire women (and once a pet is gone, it’s gone). Does that mean they’ll buy us dinner if we wave to them from the unemployment line? Statistically, the answer is “no.” The feeling is, you’ll blubber too much over appetizers. “Get a job and we’ll talk,” one woman said. “I hate wet appetizers.”
How we became spiritual eunuchs
Years ago, Germaine Greer thought castration was too good for us. Now she’s transphobic, claiming “Just because you lob off your dick and then wear a dress doesn’t making you a fucking woman.” These are definite mixed signals, proving once again, women aren’t there to be pleased, and we ain’t pleasing them, anyway. We can’t even smell the right way without being accused of using scent to hide the fact that we’re “timid little shits.”
Where do our eunuch little selves go from here?
Women are still pretty iffy about this whole male eunuch business. It’s like we don’t care, but we should care, and if we’re just going to stand there, waving to them from unemployment lines, then we haven’t transformed or done anything, really, and that’s why we’re eunuchs, and we’ll remain eunuchs until we smarten up and realize those 300 dealbreaker options aren’t going to resolve anything, are they?
Frankly, I don’t know what to say about any of this.
I guess I could blame it on Germaine Greer.
I think she’d just tell me to fuck off.
Maybe I should. I don’t have anything else to do.
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Robert Cormack is a satirist, blogger and author of “You Can Lead A Horse to Water (But You Can’t Make It Scuba Dive).” You can join him every day by subscribing to robertcormack@medium.com/subscription.
