What Do We Owe to Others with a Culture of Feedback?
Before my daughter Henley could talk, she had a line-up of cries to signal hunger, exhaustion, boredom, and more. At first, I couldn’t tell the differences. When she cried, I would run the gamut. I would offer sustenance or comfort and wait for feedback. I’d adapt from there. Eventually, I built a mental library of cries, and even today, I know the cry for I need mommy.
We learned together. I didn’t feel frustrated with her or myself. Instead, it reminded me of being in college and tweaking my writing style to please that semester's English professor. Through cues, observations, and direct feedback, I built constructs for interaction.
So, why does it feel so hard to give and receive feedback at work?
Feedback is emotional.
Work isn’t framed as a learning experience. It’s trading your talents + knowledge for compensation. Receiving feedback preys on our fears about losing our livelihood or power. Feedback givers hold their tongue in fear of being seen as difficult. Those fears keep us from growing. Imagine if Henley didn’t cry; how would I know to offer her something?
We don’t magically become fully-realized versions of ourselves when we join the workforce.
