“You’re going to disappoint A LOT of people, Obinna.”
15+ years later comments like this inspire me to get my time under control. Late, right? Well today, let’s talk about creating a morning and night routine.
“You’re going to disappoint A LOT of people, Obinna.” — Lolly Hand, Assistant Headmaster, as I was late yet another day, this time during a final exam
By the time someone reads this, the time references will have shifted. But for now, it is “present tense.” So yesterday, I tested negative for COVID-19. I had been exposed to it from a dancer at the studio where I am. Another story another day.
It had been more than a week since being exposed but I just needed to be sure before going back. But I am figuring out how to move forward from here because I am out of place here. Regardless, this isn’t about my dance woes. It’s actually about — well in a way it is. It’s about how I manage my time with the different things I’ll do throughout the day.
And the title speaks to that. When I was in high school **I’m supposed to say something like “many moons ago” but I’m not going to**. When I was in high school, the Assistant Headmaster said this to me. I’d been late YET AGAIN and they still worked with me (I think they empathized with me for whatever reason?) and let me take my finals. I was a mess. I WAS A MESS.
I had had A LOT of trouble being on time. I took public transportation to school and back and had a packed schedule. There were a lot of factors that contributed, in retrospect. Yes, I managed my time badly and did too much probably.
But also, I was in a space that was so outside of the girl I was and my life experiences too. I think that this can be extra energy that throws a person out of whack. Don’t ask me what the correlation is. I don’t know what it is, it’s just what I feel.
Not having the same background that gives room for your bad experiences and general story to exist — instinctively I knew it, no matter the amount of extreme good will A LOT of people showed me. (I WILL NOT discount that. I CAN’T — I still progressed due to their good will and grace to be quite honest.)
Moving on
Fast-forward a decade and a half later and I find this pattern still when I want to get to bed or wake up. I’ve gotten a lot better with being on time and being honest when I feel out of place or in a space that has no room for my story, where I am unsafe.
But yesterday I went to bed at 3am and woke up at 8:15am. That’s awful and this is my really bad sleep pattern. Sleep late and wake up not “early.”
Still, as I’ve come to more internal calm, I want to be able to conquer this bad habit of mine. I remember my French language teacher too had sat me down in the library one day in 10th grade and asked if everything was okay at home because of my inconsistent performance in her class, and consistent tardiness.
“Is everything okay, Obinna?” -Mme Kohn in her soft accented English
It’s weird because even with her kindheartedness, which I appreciate her care, still, again I felt unsafe. My story didn’t fit with the well-off group that she taught and I just happened to be around. Though she cared, she was still a part of the world that I both wanted to belong to, yet was distant from.
So I still closed off from her too. It’s weird when you don’t feel safe — and actually in a sense are not — you don’t, I don’t, open up. And not that I didn’t, I COULDN’T, I physically, emotionally couldn’t cross that barrier.
And sorry, you don’t get my story just because I’m there too, even if I’m still a mess, even if you help my mom pay for the class trip. I don’t feel safe with you — I’ve been through worse shit probably than all of them, leave me alone.
Years later after I hear all of these voices in my head again for the things I really did have an issue with, now that I’ve started to find the safe spaces for my internal self, I feel, I think there’s space now for me to really hear what they were saying.
15+ years is a long time, but maybe it is what it is. Today I want to talk about some of the benefits of establishing a morning and night routine and then share what I’d like my morning and night routine to be, what I’m comfortable sharing.
The Benefit of Having A Morning Or Night Routine
So I’m not going to Google this. I’m going to speak from my heart, okay? I think that the benefit of this is that you allow yourself to develop a schedule, something consistent. This consistency probably helps in many ways, but two I can say for sure are:
1. This consistency that you create forms a good habit.
Over time, good habits are what can add up to equal a better quality of life and being able to accomplish more over time. Say I am able to go to bed at midnight at the latest (11pm would be probably the best) and wake up at 6:30am consistently — this means that I know what schedule I’m working with and can fill the minutes and hours up with my goals for the day, trusting that I give myself this amount of time to do this each day…
…which brings me to the next point, TRUST.
2. This consistency also cultivates trust in ourselves.
It is something that I read about in high school on the #40 bus to West Paces Ferry Road. I was running late that morning — again — and don’t remember where I got this amazing book. But I pulled it out of my blue slightly geeky rolling bookbag and remember reading about this idea called the Personal Bank Account, from 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, I remember. Good book.
The more you keep your promises to yourself, the more trust you have in yourself to get things done. Eventually more “deposits” in the PBA means that you’ll be able to trust yourself to achieve bigger and bigger goals (or make bigger “withdrawals” — I loved that analogy). It makes sense, right?
If I can wake up on time and get to sleep on time, this is one promise that I’ve kept to myself that I can build on. Right now, I am breaking promises I’ve kept to myself, or have become lackadaisical about keeping. Like I was in high school, I am inconsistent.
But I’d like to try again because I know it would make me feel more in control of my life.
I’m sure there are more benefits, but really, these two are substantial. Now let’s look at some of the things that we can include on our morning or night routines.
Things To Include In A Morning Or Night Routine
This is what we can include in a morning routine:
- Journaling, reflection, manifestation exercises, meditation, etc.
- Showering
- Brushing your teeth
- Putting on facial moisturizer
- Getting dressed
- Prepping hair
- Stretching
- Doing makeup (if you want)
- Physical therapy (for me)
And for a night routine:
- Random exercise to cool yourself down
- Brushing your teeth
- Showering
- Putting on facial moisturizer (I need to use mine more)
- Putting on lotion and other types of self-care winddowns
- Getting dressed
- Figuring out how to prep my hair (personal one)
- Reading before bed (The Four Agreements for me)
- Turning off notifications
- Checking the alarm to make sure it’s set and placing it away from the bed
I don’t know what the time frame for either routine would be, but I would like to try 30 minutes for the night and 45 minutes to an hour for the morning (physical therapy takes more time).
Sleep Time + Wake-Up Time
Also I would need to see when I want to go to sleep and when I want to wake up. On the few “good days” I had, I went to sleep around 11:30pm and woke up around 6:30am.
But now, I will start — and I think it is okay to share this publicly though some things I don’t share yet or if ever. I’d like to start with a goal of 12am and wake up at 7am. And then work backwards to shave off half an hour on each end. And in the best-case-scenario, actually go to sleep at 11pm. BEST CASE SCENARIO.
I don’t know where to place the people in my young life who I heard but not past the shit that I know that they’d never understand that therapy, support groups, and Medium are helping me to expel now like a demon. I’m not The Poltergeist, just something like it. Bless their efforts though — I wasn’t ready but it still registered to an extent.
You don’t know my life. Please. *rolls eyes* (and no, I didn’t know theirs either, I know…but STILL)
Anyway, as I’ve worked through things, I think that I can put a name to the areas that I know are shortcomings. My time management for sleep (and in some other areas, but sleep honestly YES), sleep time management NEEDS WORK.
I hope that my shortcomings and push toward better stirs something progressive within you.
Thank you for reading.
Onward.
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