A Man of Zero Madness
He who we should aspire to be like.
I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m completely fine, I have always been good and fine, normal. I’m calm. That post that you made on my timeline, it has not made me upset. I am not upset because I am tranquil. It doesn’t matter whether you delete it. You can leave it up if you like. You can keep the post up, because it has no impact on my emotional state; hardly anything does, really, because I am level and, save for the loss of my grandfather, I have always been fine. If you think that what you have said to me on the internet has made me mad, maybe it is you who are mad. I have never been mad in the way that you are suggesting.
Every day when I check my timeline, I maintain a perfectly even keel. This particular new post of yours, in which you post an unflattering photo of me and caption it with “takes semiotics course once,” in response to a very insightful thought that I had shared about the recent election — this post of yours is no different. Like all the others, it does not make me upset. This should have been quite clear in my ensuing 17 replies to your post, shot through with a perfect logic, the kind I couldn’t expect you to recognize. You’re the one who is playing games, dodging righteousness, information, and logic with your humor that you think is agile. Online is not a place for your humor — this I hope you will, one day, perceive.
I hope I was clear in my elucidation of this, in my additional 33 posts. I know that I was. I was rational. I cannot leave margins for your misunderstanding, lest you fall short of the sense of things that I have reached. The way you have impugned both me and my favorite political candidate — this suggests that you lack understanding. This is weird; it is bizarre that you are so far from the truth, the correct accumulation of perspectives and data points that I have personally collected into a superior vantage point. This, my hard-earned and accurate position on all of the issues, is normal. I am displaying a standard of awareness that should be more commonplace. That your post has far more users liking it than they do any of my much-elevated 56 reply posts, this is of no consequence. Even though it is your account that has more attention, I am still the winner. That 10,000 people follow you and only 42 follow me: this is of no consequence. I don’t know what to tell you, if you value things like that.
When I log back on in just one moment, still calm, still enthusiastic to disarm your airy nonsense with a tough-spined series of statements, this will be to your benefit. I will make it my prerogative to show you what you don’t see, to expose for you the actual nature of things, because this is what untroubled people do. You are troubled and I want to help you. I see that you haven’t engaged with me since your mean-spirited post, but I will continue to try. You are unhealthy, I know, and me? I am whole. I am wise enough, patient and serene enough to weather the storm, to post my way through your dissonance while you consider the truths I am handing you.
