DEALS: Shocker Deals Will Save You Dollars On All Your Cricket Needs

Have you ever wondered how to cheaply breed crickets? Wonder no more.

bro… this splendor could be yours

Blogs gotta make money, and the best way for blogs to make money is deals. DEALS. At the Shocker we’re all about deals. Deals are good. Specifically deals to help you breed your own crickets are good.

Here’s a bunch of crickets.

Don’t fucking buy these. They’re a SCAM, a RIP-OFF.

Breed your OWN crickets.

This is the Nature Zone Cricket Breeding Kit. It only has 2/5 stars on Amazon right now, but maybe a rival cricket breeder manufacturer has hired dozens of fake reviewers to slander the good name of Nature Zone. Only one way to find out: buy this, raise your own crickets, then review the cricket breeding kit yourself.

This is a jar of Fluker’s Orange Cube Complete Cricket Diet. How do you keep crickets fed until they reach a good size? Orange cubes. Fluker’s is a brand of orange cubes that has really great reviews, and while I haven’t eaten these cubes myself, I can only imagine that if I did and I were also a cricket, I would be happy.

This is a 16 oz. jar of Fluker’s Cricket Quencher. Noted Amazon reviewer Aaron Von Arsdale said this is good for his pet hissing cockroaches, so if you raise hissing cockroaches you could give Cricket Quencher to hissing cockroaches, depriving crickets of Cricket Quencher like a fucking monster.

AN ALTERNATIVE PLAN:

You could be good and give cricket quencher to crickets to keep them quenched.

You may be wondering if Fluker’s Cricket Quencher is a complete cricket diet that comes in an orange cube? No. THAT WAS THE PREVIOUS DEAL.

So now that you’ve bred and fed your crickets, you gotta house them somewhere. Oh look, it’s your lucky day: a pen for crickets.

Now you’ll notice this pen for crickets has a dispenser hatch that will allow you to drop the crickets out one by one. This is good. Once you go cricket dispenser you never go back to whatever you did before to move individual crickets from one place to another. Trust me.

Here’s another deal to buy crickets:

Don’t buy them you FUCKING IDIOT. How many times do I have to say it? BREED CRICKETS. DON’T BUY THEM. Jesus FUCKING Christ.

Here are water pillows for crickets. For cricket sex. This is good. You need this. Buy this.

Breed crickets. Feed them. House them. Make them comfortable. Watch them have sex. Then dispense them one by one. DEALS.