Don’t Tread on Animal Crossing, a Tale of Liberty and American Principle
Atlas Shrugged, the Federalist Papers, and now, Animal Crossing?
The American Conservative brand has taken a hit, with the election of right-wing mongoloid Donald J. Trump and all, and the United States could use some Republican values at a time like this, as are portrayed in Nintendo’s popular video game, Animal Crossing.
The game was originally released in 2001 (one year into George W. Bush’s first term in office, coincidentally) for the GameCube. It was an important tool towards this country’s recovery from reign under noted sex-fiend a.k.a. Democrat, Bill Clinton.
Your Animal Crossing story begins with a greeting from a hippy dog playing a guitar, probably smoking marijuana and saying words like “tight” and “groovy.” Would you like to know what’s truly “tight” and “groovy”? Respecting the police.
Authority creates structure for young Americans and Animal Crossers alike, letting them learn their place in social, occupational and familial settings. Without “someone telling you what to do all the time,” we’d be lost, resorting to the cold embrace of drugs and sexual escapades, instead of work.
After introducing yourself, you hop on a train, moving away from home to another town, in search of the American Dream or its in-game parallel. THIS is the true definition of freedom. Being able to make a life for yourself, wherever you’d like.
On the expressway, ideally privatized, a cat-like creature called Rover approaches you, and you reach for your firearm — a right given to you by God, the one true game developer of life. But Rover is kind, not eliciting the absolute need for self-defense. With the possibility of a threat neutralized, your conversation carries on, and eventually, Rover mentions that there are several new homes being developed in the town to which you are moving. You, having literally no money to your name, seize the moment, figuring that with a little hard work and dedication, you can pay off the home in due time.
And you’re correct. Upon arrival, you’re met by another stranger — Tom Nook, a raccoon. Nook is also a local entrepreneur and real estate mogul.
He leads you to his newest housing development, four one-room homes in the center of town, and graciously allows you to look around, teaching you, the player, the value of markets.
The ability to choose goods and services for oneself is often taken for granted in today’s American society. Under Communism, civilians are each given what the government considers to be the necessities for life, rather than the choice to be given the necessities of live. And that’s the American and Animal Crossing way — being able to choose between life and death.
After perusing, you set your heart on one of the houses. Nook realizes you are struggling financially, and after a hearty internal debate, decides to let you stay, under one condition: You have to work for him to pay off your debt.
Tom Nook, you see, is a gracious soul. Rather than kicking you to the curb, he offers to let you work for him in return for housing. Sound familiar?
Ah, yes, I know. Liberal college campuses have conditioned you to think poorly of Tom Nook, accusing him of eliciting “indentured servitude,” or even “slavery.”
Young people have yet to experience the real hardships of the world, like paying taxes and having sex, so they are free of the responsibility that comes as a result of becoming a member of society.
Your life progresses, and you become inundated with other townsfolk, like the mayor, an old turtle with traditional beliefs: Like, he believes young people are incredibly naive and that segregating the town is okay and that all neighborhoods would be governed equally.
You’re constantly working, thanks to Tom Nook, to pay off your debt and maintain your liberty. You perform chores for your fellow citizens — without pay, unless you consider merit as currency, as I do.
And all this time, you are granted the self-governance to not have sex with the polygonal creatures that inhabit your town. Not once, in Animal Crossing, does anyone engage in intercourse, a value held deeply by the Republican Party. As Ronald Reagan said, “Celibacy is the best policy.”
