Founding Fathers Fight Trump — with Their Brands!
T.J. Maxx and Marshalls Still Haunt the Halls of Power
Perhaps Donald Trump doesn’t know much about the brands that made America great to begin with.
T.J. Maxx and Marshalls, founded by Thomas Jefferson and John Marshall, respectively, have long been a force in American government. So we shouldn’t be surprised that they removed Ivanka Trump’s merchandise from their stores. This is classic American retail politics. The Trumps stumbled and found themselves on the wrong side of two of our nation’s most hallowed institutions.
If Donald and Ivanka were to read my book, Brand New Nation: The Founding Fathers and the Retail Wars that Shaped America, they’d have a better idea of what they’re up against.
They (and you, Dear Reader) will find an excerpt below, and can order a paper copy or ebook from Amazon or directly from Mouse House Books. Illustrations are by Scott Pendergraft.
We join the story halfway through. John Marshall has recently been sworn in as chief justice of the Supreme Court, while Tom Jefferson has just been sworn in as president.
MAGNA JUSTITIA, MAGNA PACTA
When John Marshall joined the Supreme Court, he was shocked to find that its sessions were being held in a shoddy committee room in the new Capitol building. This was not how a great nation should treat its highest court!
He had an idea.
“I’m John Marshall,” he told the other Justices. “I’m your new chief justice. You might know me from my work as secretary of state or, more likely, as CEO of Marshalls. This is a dignified body, deserving of finer quarters than these. Follow me.”
Marshall led them outside, where there awaited a carriage stocked with cans of Sam Adams. The justices climbed in and bounced along the muddy, pockmarked streets of the new capitol until they reached a clean, well-paved parking lot. A low, broad building gleamed white on the horizon, the one-word sign across it like an electric blue Northern Star:
MARSHALLS
“Welcome to the new Supreme Court,” Marshall said, as he led them into the store.
The aisles were filled with top name brands at affordable prices. At the front of the store, six high-backed chairs sat behind a short wall of the finest wood. A Latin motto was inscribed on the wall: MAGNA JUSTITIA, MAGNA PACTA (translation: GREAT JUSTICE, GREAT DEALS).
“Your new robes are on the rack,” said Marshall.
Five plain black robes hung there.
“But I favor a scarlet robe,” said Justice Samuel Chase.
“Indeed, I favor something more colorful as well,” said Justice Bushrod Washington.
“This is like we are at a funeral,” said Chase.
“A funeral,” responded Marshall, “for injustice.”
Slowly, the other justices nodded in recognition. They put on the black robes.
“To great deals,” Marshall whispered solemnly.
“To great deals,” they replied.
MEET THE PRESS
The White House Press Corps was gathered in the T.J. Maxx White House, where Thomas Jefferson stood at the podium. It was his first press conference as President.
Tom: I assume you’re all here for the sale?
[Laughter]
TOM: I kid, but in all seriousness, consider checking out the deals when we’re done. I think you’ll find some worthy bargains. Now I’m ready for questions.
REPORTER 1: Some of the American people may be getting to know you for the first time. How would you describe your political philosophy?
TOM: States’ rights. Fiscally conservative, socially liberal. Pro-bargains.
REPORTER 2: In your acceptance speech, you stated your desire to serve all Americans, Republican and Federalist. Does that same spirit of reconciliation extend to your brand?
TOM: I encourage all Americans, both Republican and Federalist, to shop at T.J. Maxx. I think they’ll like what they find.
REPORTER 2: What I meant was, what about Marshalls?
TOM: Next question.
REPORTER 3: Mr. President, some in the North say that you and your campaign received and continue to receive an unfair advantage from slavery. You own many slaves.
TOM: Nobody takes a backseat to Tom Jefferson when it comes to opposing slavery. Slavery is wrong.
REPORTER 4: What would you say to those who are upset that you turned the White House into a T.J. Maxx.
TOM: Give me a break. It’s right next to the National Mall.
REPORTER 5: Will you be repealing the Alien and Sedition Acts?
TOM: I’m glad you asked. I’d like to announce that not only will I be repealing the un-American Alien and Sedition Acts next Tuesday, but all next week, overalls at T.J. Maxx will be 70% off. It’s my Alien and Sedition Acts Repeal Sale. It’s an overall good deal.
[Laughter]
TOM: That’s all the time I have for today, folks. Feel free to stick around and shop. God bless America.
THERE WILL BE A RECKONING
John Adams followed John Marshall’s suggestion and, just before leaving office, appointed a number of Federalists to become judges. However, Tom’s secretary of state, James Madison, refused to deliver some of these “Midnight Judge” appointments. One of the undelivered appointments was for William Marbury, a famous businessman and mercurial point guard.
Marbury sued Madison, and the case found its way to the Marshalls Supreme Court, where Chief Justice Marshall chose not to recuse himself, despite his involvement in the strategy and delivery of the appointments. Marbury argued that the Constitution required Madison to deliver the appointment, but Marshall raised a key question: Who decides what the Constitution says?
Tom believed that each branch of government must decide for itself. John believed the Supreme Court must decide, and he announced that principle in the decision.
The funny thing was, Marshall also ruled that the Supreme Court didn’t have jurisdiction over the matter. So he had used a case over which he had no jurisdiction specifically to prove that he had jurisdiction generally and to win a battle with a bitter political foe. Clever!
Tom was irked not only by Marshall’s overreach and Constitutional pronouncements, but also by what Marshall wrote in the decision about retail:
Those then who controvert the principle that the Constitution is to be considered, in court, as a paramount law are reduced to the necessity of maintaining that courts must close their eyes on the Constitution, and see only the law. They are akin to those who would blind themselves to value and craftsmanship to declare fealty to T.J. Maxx over Marshalls.
By contrast, just as those who seek Justice must turn to the Supreme Court, those who seek high-quality, affordable garments would be wise to shop at Marshalls, which is known to have the best selection and value. The same persons would be wise to avoid T.J. Maxx, purveyors of an inferior sort of rag, and overpriced at that.
For while I might not call T.J. Maxx a trash Brand, I would not call it not-trash either.
Tom did not comment publicly on Marshall’s opinion, but privately he steamed. “There will be a reckoning,” he wrote in his diary. “As sure as I love democracy and great deals, there will be a reckoning.”
ONE OF HISTORY’S GREAT WIN-WIN-WIN-WINS
Tom had been president for two years, and while he had provided the American people great deals through agrarian democracy and T.J. Maxx, he had yet to go big and apply the national purse to a historic bargain.
He grabbed his rotary phone and dialed his friend Napoleon Bonaparte, the president of France.
“Allo,” said Napoleon, using the French word for hello because he didn’t realize it was an American calling him. (This was before caller ID.)
“Leon, my homme!” shouted Tom, who spoke French.
After some small talk about what it’s like being president, it was time to get down to brass tacks.
“Let’s get down to brass tacks,” said Tom. “I want to buy Louisiana.”
“It’s not for sale,” said Napoleon. “They call it the French Quarter for a reason.”
Tom knew this was just a negotiating tactic, but after some back and forth, it became clear that Napoleon was neither particularly attached to the land nor particularly tempted by American money.
“Okay, Napoleon,” said Tom. “Don’t be flaky like a croissant. What is it you really want?”
“Your brand.”
“You can’t have it.”
“No, Tom, what I’m saying is, I want a T.J. Maxx in every mall in France, and I want a the French people to have a discount.”
Tom and Napoleon haggled until they reached an agreement: The United States would get Louisiana for $15.5 million. Tom agreed to build no fewer than 100 T.J. Maxx stores in France in the next five years, while Napoleon agreed to allow construction on no more than five Marshalls during that time. (Tom made a mental note to write his Christmas card to his cousin in French.) Finally, for the next decade, the French people would enjoy a ten percent discount on all merchandise at T.J. Maxx, on top of any other sales, discounts, or promotions.
The deal is now widely considered one of history’s great win-win-win-wins. The United States got jazz, Mardi Gras, and farmland. Tom got a new customer base for his brand and a leg up on the competition. Just like the French, the indigenous peoples of Middle America got access to great brands at great prices. And T.J. Maxx transformed French society, launching a fashion and clothing industry that would one day be among the world’s best. As the legendary fashion designer Christian Dior famously said, “French fashion begins with Thomas Jefferson.”
HOG PISS
The friendship of Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton had long ago soured, but their conflict did not turn violent until it extended to their brands…
This is just a taste of the adventure that awaits! Buy your copy today! Available at Amazon and Mouse House Books.
