Phil Jackson’s Guide To The Best Possible Lingo In Any Given Situation (“‘Sitch”)

A direct address from this very cool and famous basketball guy

Phil here, listen up!

Phil Jackson here, esteemed executive, former winningest coach, once above average ball player, zen dude and very in-touch man. But please, call me PJ.

Better yet call me Peej.

But don’t you EVER (hissing now between gritted teeth) call me out of touch with my lingo.

Whew, got a bit blazed! As in heated!

Look, as everyone knows I’ve read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance likely hundreds of times, likely thousands, and have you read my book, Sacred Hoops? I’ve read that thousands, hundreds of thousands, times as well.

I’ve written many books. Eight books I’ve written. That’s hundreds of thousands, millions, of words. Words I clearly know how to string together into something that everyone just gets.

“What did Phil mean by that?” is something no one has ever said, after reading eight of my books, hell, even after reading one. Double hell, even after listening to me talk, be that on the court or on, say, ESPN.com. Especially after listening to me give the interview of my life on ESPN.com.

Which is why I’m interested in writing the book that naturally follows that stellar conversation I led — The Dictionary. “Rewrite the dictionary?!” Look, I already checked and my lawyer tells me there’s no way. That whole thing exists already, plenty of history behind it. Sure. But how about I do the next best thing, how about I write what everyone would be interested in seeing on the shelves of every bookstore in the world, my Guide To The Best Possible Lingo In Any Given Situation S̶o̶ ̶P̶̶̶h̶̶̶i̶̶̶l̶̶̶ ̶W̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶N̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶B̶e̶ ̶M̶i̶s̶u̶n̶d̶e̶r̶s̶t̶o̶o̶d̶ ̶A̶g̶a̶i̶n̶ ̶O̶n̶ ̶E̶S̶P̶N̶.̶c̶o̶m̶.̶

Because this is just a proposal, and I know how business works, I’m going to share with you a min amount of lingo for some possible ‘sitches.

‘Sitch(es): Your local environs.

Blazed: Heated, smoked, fired up, chi outta wack, fumed, didn’t read the full transcript of my interview with ESPN.com, non compos mentis.

Snoop Dogg: Definitely friends with this guy!

Delete, delete, delete: Here’s a great example of how I’ve taken my best practices online OFFline and into the real life — wish there was a clever, convenient abbreviatory slang for that! — via a mentality that says look, I specifically don’t have time for anything, especially questions on how I refer to people.

Note: Make this a whole chapter.

Note squared: Make my dictionary with chapters.

Triangle Stuff: The shit you don’t wanna do, the Bermuda triangle of tasks in your life you wish would never be seen or heard from again.

iPhone Notes: Powerful tool.

Pat Riley: Powerful tool.

Hmm you sure this wasn’t Thoreau?

If you meet the Buddha in the lane, feed him the ball: James Dolan’s blood sugar is low and unfortunately there are no tables left at Mustang Harry’s on 7th Ave.

Kombucha: You’re telling me this starts off the same as iced tea?

FaceTime:

“FaceTime”

Popovich: As in Devil, thy name is.

95 per cent: Horseshit.

Zen dude: Me.

Motorin’: Also me, but every Thursday eve to Sunday aft.

Posse: Look, this can be any group of people! Any group of friends! This could be a lady and her baby on the subway, this could be me getting a salad in Malibu with Jeanie. This could be me and Pat Riley, hating the hell out of each other, but splitting the bill all the same at the Times Square Señor Frog’s. This could be LeBron and his gang but it could also be Hernangómez and his hombres! What?! It’s everybody on the private jet I cater to pick up some Thai takeout in Sioux City, Iowa. This could be Marshall Plumlee and any friends if he had them. This is the once defunct, now fully refunked, Pussy Posse a la Leo DiCap and Co. It’s anyone, anyone! Get your hands off of me! I’m not done pitching this proposal!

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