So… About Those New Chicago Scooters
If you live in Chicago, chances are you’ve noticed them. They move swiftly along our many streets, avenues, and boulevards, carrying riders to and fro. Yes, electric scooters have arrived, but what does it mean for the city? And how can you ride one? Keep reading to find out!
Is it like Über? Divvy?
Not exactly. Twelve companies are vying for a piece of Chicago’s electric scooter market: Bird, Bolt, JellyScoot, Lyft, Lyme, Grüv, Jump, Razz, Sherpa, Spin, VeoRide, and Wheels. Each scooter looks and performs a little differently, so you’re going to want to try every one.
How do I rent one?
That’s a cinch. To unlock a scooter, simply locate a parking meter (see above) and press start. You’ll be prompted to register your car’s license plate. Click skip. A new menu will appear. Click “rent a scooter” and voilà! You’ll be scooting in minutes.
How much does it cost?
Fifteen dollars. If that sounds steep, bear in mind that once you unlock a scooter, it’s yours for the day, and you can drive it pretty much anywhere: the movies, the coffee shop, Gurnee Mills, wherever. Credit cards aren’t currently accepted, but you can pay with quarters ($15=60 quarters=1.5 rolls) or paper money.
Okay, I unlocked my scooter. Now where is it?
That all depends. If you’re lucky, it’s right around the corner. However, it may be a distance away. After you pay, you’ll receive a receipt with the scooter’s location printed at the bottom. Last week, I unlocked a scooter way up in Wrigleyville, but because I was in the Loop, I had to jump in my van to fetch it. By the time I arrived, the scooter was gone. Frustrated, I returned to my bank, obtained another roll-and-a-half of quarters, and tried again. This time, I was successful.
Safety
Use caution. Ride only on the street, be aware of your surroundings, and wear protective clothing: a helmet, wrist guards, and knee pads are a must. Do not take your scooter to the skate park. Each one comes equipped with “anti-tailwhip” technology. If you so much as attempt a tailwhip, the brakes will engage, and you’ll be thrown clear of your scooter. You may get hurt. That’s on you. You were never going to land a tailwhip, and you deserve to be punished.
Vandalism
After the scooters debuted, I read about people tipping them over, adhering stickers to them, and drawing on them with Sharpie. I admit, when the scooters came to town, I felt like doing that, too. I remember standing over one and feeling this sudden urge to push it to the ground. But then I thought about the consequences. Suppose I did push one over. Now suppose a young person saw me do it and decided to copy me. He knocks over a scooter just as a Bird executive scoots up to check on his company’s property. The Bird executive is livid. He makes a citizen’s arrest on the spot. The boy goes to jail. He sees things in jail he cannot unsee. He loses his youthful innocence, and when he’s released, he’s a different person altogether, a person who can’t stop tipping scooters. He tips dozens of them, hundreds of them. He decides to tip every scooter in Chicago during a 24-hour period. He calls his connect at Guinness Book, and together, they go on a tipping spree. He sets a new world record and becomes famous overnight. He goes on The Today Show, publishes a New York Times-bestselling book about scooter tipping strategies, and travels the world as a public speaker. He uses the money to start his own scooter-share company. It’s massively popular. He becomes an industry leader. He decides to put his wealth and influence to good use. He begins a campaign to reform America’s prisons, and is successful. For this work. he wins the Nobel Peace Prize.
That being said, I didn’t end up vandalizing a scooter because I was late to work and ran out of time.
Anything else?
Electric scooters are a great way to get around the city. Unlock one, and within minutes, you’ll be sipping iced coffee with your closest friends. I speak from experience. Just last week, my best friend from middle school was in town for work. I suggested we meet up. He said, “Sure, I’m actually free right now. How about coffee?” I told him I was at Jewel but that I could meet him in a half-an-hour. Parking downtown can be a nightmare, so I decided to take a scooter. I left my van in the Jewel parking lot and made it to Starbucks at the same time as my best friend from middle school. We had a great conversation about old times. It was nice to reconnect with him after all those years. Making new friends has never been a strength of mine, and it’s gotten harder with age. Everybody’s so busy nowadays. I get lonely. I tend to stay home and watch Netflix. I made a New Year’s resolution to be more outgoing, but I quickly abandoned it. You can only spend so many days sitting alone on a park bench saying hello to passersby.
Anyway, eventually my best friend from middle school had to get going. We said our goodbyes, and I got back on my scooter. What a ride. I felt lighter than I had in months. The wind whipped through my hair. I couldn’t help but smile. Unfortunately, when I made it back to Jewel, my van was nowhere to be seen. It had been towed. Two-hundred bucks to get that thing out of impound. I doubt it’s even worth that much. And to top it all off, my groceries were ruined. I do like the new electric scooters, though.
