Team Dreams: The 2016–17 Minnesota Timberwolves
Before the Cleveland Cavaliers upstaged that tech-land boy band we call the Golden State Warriors, before lumberjack Kevin Love locked down Stephen Bieber Curry on that crucial Game 7 possession, it was the raggedy-ass Minnesota Timberwolves who showed how it’s done. On April 5, 2016, they splashed into Oracle Arena like an unwelcome cannonball into Joe Lacob’s infinity pool, beating the Warriors in overtime, 124–117. Barely a year removed from a D-League stint, Shabazz Muhammad dropped 35 on the defending champs, and a combination of quick, long-limbed defenders hassled the league MVP into 7–25 shooting. It turns out the Steph Curry pick-and-roll isn’t so devastating when your big man can do this:
And that’s why the Blue Dog’s Wolves dream begins with…
KARL-ANTHONY TOWNS
A game so nice, they named him twice, and gifted him unenumerated municipalities. Towns can do pretty much everything on the basketball court, as evidenced by his Rookie of the Year award and, more importantly, his triumph in the Taco Bell Skills Challenge:
Nevertheless, he isn’t the Blue Dog’s favorite. That award goes to…
RICKY RUBIO
Basketball joy made flesh, the willowy Spaniard gave us one of hoop’s greatest highlight mixes while he was still a teenager:
If his minutes don’t decrease (and his finishing doesn’t improve) Rubio may also give us that statistical holy grail — the non-points triple-double. Last year against the Knicks he came oh-so-close, with 9 points, 10 rebounds, 12 assists, and 8 steals.
Unfortunately, Rubio’s minutes may decrease, as Tom Thibodeau drafted…
KRIS DUNN
Let’s make something clear: Just because the Blue Dog loves Ricky Rubio doesn’t mean he doesn’t like Kris Dunn. The Blue Dog likes Kris Dunn! He’s strong and tough and fast and has a mean crossover (which he learned from crossover god, God Shammgod:
But if Dunn wants to make the highlight reels, he’ll have to compete with…
ANDREW WIGGINS
The man they call Maple Jordan has one of the league’s better spin moves and can truly sky. His defense, by contrast, needs work. It’s a good thing he likes work! Here he is carrying a tire:
You know who never tires?
ZACH LAVINE
Known primarily for his dunking, and secondarily for his instant offense, LaVine is also a very hard worker, which bodes well for his continued development. So rather than take the easy route and post a YouTube compilation of his many eye-popping highlights, the Blue Dog worked hard to find what you’ve been quietly craving: a montage of LaVine working out, set to a corny Macklemore song:
You know who was in the same draft class as a guy named McLemore?
GORGUI DIENG
The Blue Dog is fond of Dieng, a “high-motor” player who rebounds, hits mid-range jumpers, and is a surprisingly deft interior passer, a skill he attributes to his impressive biceps.
You know who else was in the same draft class as a guy named McLemore?
SHABAZZ MUHAMMAD
People like to make jokes about how old he is and how little he defends and passes, but Shabazz hung 35 on the Dubs like it was nothing, so the joke’s on the people making the jokes.
Muhammad may compete for minutes with…
NEMANJA BJELICA
Bjelica is a pass-first stretch-4 who was a bit boneheaded on defense last year but is expected to bounce back, as he has been working with Ivan Drago’s former trainers:
Speaking of celluloid bad guys…
NIKOLA PEKOVIC
The big Montenegrin was once a proficient post scorer, but Achilles issues have kept him off the court for the better part of two seasons. It appears his time in the NBA may be nearing its end. Should he want it, a career as an action-flick henchman awaits.
Of course, Pekovic is known for having a goofy demeanor and sense of humor, so perhaps he could instead star in a buddy comedy with…
KEVIN GARNETT
Nobody is more intense than the franchise’s iconic player, whose aged knees will likely keep him off the court, but who is on the roster simply to mentor his younger teammates. This is how it’s done, folks:
All of these players will be coached by…
TOM THIBODEAU
The Blue Dog occasionally dreams contrarian opinions, and here’s one: The Wolves should have kept Sam Mitchell as their head coach. Sure, things looked bad early, but the Wolves rounded into one of the better offenses in the league by season’s end. Mitchell should have been given another year with this young team.
Instead, the Wolves hired Thibodeau to be both coach and president of basketball operations. He has a track record of excellence as the former. Last year’s Wolves defense was terrible; this year’s certainly won’t be. However, Thibodeau is known to wear his players down, giving them too many minutes and too little rest.
The Blue Dog’s theory? Thibodeau sees Minnesota as a step towards his dream job, which is to be far from the lights, coaching and playing a team and himself to death in the frozen plains of Siberia or Saskatchewan or some other remote, icy land. The Twin Cities are a bustling metropolis, of course, but on a bleaker winter day, of which there are a few, one might gaze upon an iced-over field or parking lot and imagine oneself exiled to such a forgotten tundra. Having gifted himself this illusion, Thibodeau will feel free to bring his full fury to defensive schemes and substitution patterns (or the lack thereof). And perhaps this combination of fire and ice is just what he and his young team need.
* The Blue Dog apologizes to Cole Aldrich, Adreian Payne, Tyus Jones, Jordan Hill, and Brandon Rush for leaving them out of his dream.
