We’re not gonna get to the bottom of this if we don’t see Mike Flynn’s hog.

I’m not thrilled to be the guy saying this.

But my duty to country and the truth come first, and I refuse to stand silent for one more second.

The Russians have penetrated our national security, left our intelligence operation flailing, unable to know who to trust in the new administration. Our most vulnerable secrets could be in the hands of a vicious autocrat with designs on sovereign nations. And a full investigation of Mike Flynn’s cock, which, up to this point, we know next to nothing about — we don’t even know if it’s still there — could be the only way to know for sure that we are safe in this new century.

Jason Chaffetz, the blowhard Utah congressman and Chair of the House Ethics Committee who dragged Hillary Clinton in front of his fat face over and over again to further inflate the Benghazi witch hunt, has thus far refused to talk about Mike Flynn’s PleasurePig at all. “I think it will probably deal with itself,” is his mealy mouth-canned half-answer about the resigned National Security Advisor’s wing-dong-doodle — some fucking cold comfort considering his hard-on for investigating every misplaced stapler in the Obama White House.

What is Chaffetz scared of? Is he scared of what a peek at that pecker will dredge up? Why is Congress protecting Trump? Is dismantling health care so important that you’d put the security of our nation at stake, just so you don’t have to examine Mike Flynn’s pants-rocket and learn the TRUTH about the Trump Administration’s ties to Russia?

Or hey: Maybe there’s something on Jason’s dick he doesn’t want us to see.

What are you hiding in your underpants, Jason?

What tales does your tin horse tell?

This isn’t the first time the jeans-hose of a member of Trump’s inner circle’s has been at the middle of a Russia-related controversy. Paul Manafort, Trump’s second campaign manager, resigned in disgrace when we found out that his trunk did some lobbying work on behalf of invading Ukraine.

And of course, there’s the question of The Donald’s financials: reports of oil futures, spooky real estate ties, and doing business with shady oligarchs when he was flat busted at the beginning of the century.

Where has HIS fleshy stone been?

Where has the Presidential Weiner been heating?

It’s essential that we ask these questions.

Why wouldn’t he release the Kraken, as is de rigueur, during the campaign? We saw Obama’s. We saw Clinton’s. We saw Reagan’s and Nixon’s and FDR’s. We saw Theodore Roosevelt’s big redheaded motherfucker, decked out in glasses and a cowboy hat.

We even saw Honest Abe’s honest abe, sloped and dignified — the schlong that kept the Union whole. It bring a tear to my eye, just thinking about that noble log that freed the slaves.

abe in a moment of modest concealment

If he won’t follow in that noble tradition, we have to ask: What is Trump hiding down there?

Why won’t the REPUBLICAN CONGRESS demand that the American people get a peek?

Why won’t the MEDIA demand a look-see on behalf of the democracy they pretend to protect?

Why are Trump’s pants so comically oversized? Does he have a weird peen, that coils to strange places, genuflects strangely in synchronicity with Trump’s big giant fat ass, and does business with war criminals and autocrats?

What about the 80’s, when he almost certainly bought building supplies from the Mafia? What did they put his love gun inside? Who are we to IGNORE the kind of trouble a willy could slip into when it’s mixed up in quick-set concrete?

Why won’t he sign the presidential third leg over to a TRUE blind trust, instead of letting his dilettante sons handle his stick shift and use it to openly profit off the office? Why are we just standing around and letting these goons jerk off the American people blind?

There’s simply no way around the facts here: There’s never been a more compromised set of branches in the Executive Branch, and the American people should not be satisfied until we’ve seen every one.

Mike Flynn’s wang will merely be an acceptable start.