The OKC Season Preview: From The Stolen Diary of Kevin Durant
Sept 14
Mr. Kerr sent me this diary when I signed with the Warriors and said all the players keep them. He said diaries are unlimited and some guys go through over a dozen every year. Here’s who I think writes in their diaries the most:
- Klay
- Zaza
Looks like I will have some stiff competition to become number 1 ha ha.
Sept 19
Draymond asked for two new diaries at practice and Damian Jones asked for 3. First practice of the season and they are already done with their first diary? Did I make a mistake coming here?
Sept 21
I ended up in Sausalito today and don’t want to talk about it!!
Sept 23
I still don’t want to talk about it but I will say that the problem with boats is it’s not like there is a next stop you can get off after the stop you missed, because you are stuck in water and there are “no stops” “until land” and “you can’t take a lifeboat” “please sir sit down”.
Sept 28
Damian is writing a sci-fi series about an evil empire who is threatening the universe with a giant gun made out of the moon. When I asked if he’d ever seen Star Wars he pretended to turn his music back on but I saw that the headphones weren’t plugged into anything, they were only tucked up his jacket sleeve. Anyway that’s where his diaries are going. But I still don’t know what Draymond is doing with his. He asked for another one today.
Oct 1
I wonder if they celebrate Halloween here. Russell always had the best ideas for costumes!
Oct 5
Diary I can’t tell anyone this but I have never seen Steph Curry at a practice. Iggy says he practices at night but then when does he sleep?
Oct 7
I ended up in San Jose today and I don’t want to talk about it!
Oct 8
Why are there 2 bridges!!
Draymond took another diary!
I miss Toby Keith’s I Love This Bar & Grill in Oklahoma City!
Oct 10
I followed Draymond after practice today because I noticed his locker was FULL of diaries. He made a bunch of trips out to his car and would come back from the parking lot with an empty gym bag but would go out with a bag full of suspiciously diary shaped bulges every time. By the time he made his last trip I was hiding in my car close enough to see his backseat overflowing with diaries. I tried to follow him but lost him when he got out and started to walk towards Fisherman’s Wharf. I can’t go down there. Those animals on the docks ain’t right.
Oct 13
Westbrook called me cute today which was nice. I’m glad he is taking things so well. I sent him a text to ask who is that tall, strange sounding new guy Billy signed? It went to green so I guess he got a new phone.
Oct 13
I read online that his name is Steven Adams and that he has played for the Thunder since 2013. Small world!
Oct 15
Diary it is worse than I thought. Draymond drove to the park today so I was able to follow him all the way this time. He wound up in the Japanese Tea Garden, one of my favorite and chill new places, but that chillness was shattered when I saw that Draymond was SELLING his diaries to a guy who looked suspiciously like Enes Kanter. I confronted Draymond at the George Washington Elm and asked what he was doing and he just laughed at me and said he hoped I liked San Francisco. I was so confused, I said I was still getting used to it and he laughed even more and walked away.
Russell still hasn’t sent me his new number so I can’t ask him what to do!
Oct 18
Just remembered I saw Draymond tracing things into those diaries he sold. Now I feel like an even bigger idiot for asking if he was practicing his portraiture.
Oct 23
Walked in on Draymond laughing with Klay. He kept saying, “There’s no way anyone will think it came from us, Westbrook is finished.”
I couldn’t help it, I had to say something — that’s my guy!
I told Draymond enough, I knew he wasn’t into portraiture, to tell me what was going on or I’d tell Coach Kerr since the diaries are supposed to be private and he was breaking the rules.
He just laughed. He asked why I thought I hadn’t heard from Westbrook in so long. He asked me why I never locked my locker.
He told me he sold one to every single team, a journal that looked like a burn book Russ wrote, with awful stuff about every team, every city, in it. Then he traced my writing and forged a note to Westbrook that said I never wanted to speak to him ever again.
I didn’t know what to do. I just ran to the Tea Garden and that’s where I’m writing this now.
Oct 25
I tried to reach out to Russell but there’s been no response. The good news is it doesn’t seem like Draymond’s plan worked. No one seems mad at Russell like if anyone believed all that bad stuff wouldn’t they be flipping him off from the stands during the first game ha ha.
Oct 26
I saw the replay tonight just like everyone and I couldn’t believe my eyes. Some tiny troll must have got a hold of that fake diary Draymond made, who knows what kind of stuff he made it look like Russ said about Philly! They are terrible there!
PS. We lost our opening game.
Oct 28
I was yelling at practice today ’cause I’m still so steamed.
Whatever.
I’m here now, and these guys are going to have to deal with that. That big red bridge seems cool and I’m starting to like these diaries. And you know who is going to have a fine season? Russell will. They got that big hairy guy now plus I sent him my shoes from last year’s playoffs and I think those will be a big help to him. I made a reservation for two at Toby Keith’s I Love This Bar & Grill for February 11 when we play in OK City and I already took the liberty of ordering his favorite dessert.
I am starting a brand new diary tomorrow and putting this one safely in my unlocked locker where no one will find it.
