A Different American Dream: Better Inner Lives for Our Children

A profound form of inter-generational wealth transfer

Child’s construction: an imaginary, fabulous structure. Photo by author

In a recent NYT interview, family therapist Terence Real, author of Us, suggests we can learn to work with our intimate partners, to be on the same side, instead of dwelling in “marital hatred.” (What a shudder-inducing term.)

Real suggests we cultivate our wise inner adult and learn to manage our adaptive inner child, who’s still fighting childhood traumas. What we learn will be good for our children.

People talk about the American dream, in which your kids have a better life than you do. And we always think about it materialistically. But I think about it psychologically and spiritually — changing the legacy of how you were raised and handing your kids a new default that is kinder and more humane and wiser.