Examining the Differences Between Shyness and Introversion
One of the biggest challenges of writing this blog is giving advice aimed specifically towards introversion. In a series called The Shy College Introvert, that advice might overlap with shyness.
A while ago, I received some feedback that inspired me to write about this week’s topic.
For this week, we’ll go more in-depth differentiating between shyness and introversion, and how to generally handle both of those attributes.
Defining Introversion
My first blog in this series uses the five W’s to define introversion, so check it out for a more thorough analysis. To sum it up, introversion is set by our DNA and can not be changed. It’s a preference to small groups and isolation because that’s how introverts get energy. They are perfectly capable of coming up to people, interacting with them, and making new friends; They just prefer to stay within their own circle and keeping the conversation short with strangers.
Defining Shyness
Unlike introversion, which is set in our DNA, shyness is a trait you can develop yourself. It’s the fear of rejection, and that fear prevents us from initiating conversations. Shyness is instilled for numerous reasons. Dean J of Conversations Skill Core highlighted some of them.
Maybe your parents were shy, so you simply learned to act like them growing up
Maybe you were teased as a kid because you were different than everyone else
Maybe you had an embarrassing experience or several and were criticized
Maybe you just lost your job so you question your identity and feel ashamed
Applying the Differences in a Scenario
How can you tell if someone is introverted or shy? This article sets up the perfect situation to describes the differences, and even explain the various shy-introvert combos: Outgoing Extrovert (no fear, need for stimulation), Shy Extrovert (fear, need for stimulation), Outgoing Introvert (no fear, easily overstimulated), and Shy Introvert (fear, easily overstimulated).
Scenario: You’ve been invited to a party
Introverts: Wonders if they should attend knowing they’re going to spend a lot of energy. Would rather spend the time by themselves or in a more quiet environment.
Shy People: Wonders how other partygoers would perceive them if they attend. Wants to go, but the fear of judgment and rejection prevents them from socializing at a party.
Scenario: Meeting a stranger
Introverts: Doesn’t know the person too well to really engage with them. Will keep the conversation polite but short.
Shy People: Wants to get to know them, but is scared of how the other person will judge them.
Scenario: Giving a speech
Introverts: Can handle giving a speech.
Shy People: Would rather die than give a speech.
To conclude, introversion is preference of socialization (mainly with smaller groups) while shyness is more based on fear of socialization. Introversion is an attribute we can manage, but cannot change. Shyness is a personality that, though difficult, can be changed through bettering social skills.
Since I identify as both, this brings an extra set of problems. This means I have to approach them with different strategies than if I was just shy or introverted. This involves a lot of mental prepping before doing something as mundane as asking someone about class homework or something overwhelming as maintaining a conversation with stranger. Over time, I overcame some of that shyness so either situation doesn’t petrify me anymore, and when I started to act more extroverted, those discussions became more personable.
Will I always be shy? Most likely. Will I always be an introvert? Yes, definitely. Will that stop me from continuing to develop my social skills and make more connections with others? Absolutely not, and the same should apply to you.
