How (not) to make money online: The Attack of the Fake Gurus
Are you broke? Were you part of the Great Resignation but things didn’t go according to your carefully crafted plans? Are you trying to find a way to pay the bills while making money online? If you answered affirmatively to any of the questions above, all I can say is welcome to the club!
Well, if that really was all I could say then this story would be done and published already. My dear struggling comrade, I’m here to help.
I’m not necessarily going to help you make money online, as this is something I’m still trying to figure out myself, but I’m pretty darn sure I can help prevent you from wasting colossal amounts of time, which, given your (or shall I say our?) situation is the only asset you (we?) can afford to invest to hopefully get out of the crappy situation being broke represents.
I’m not going to bore you with my personal story right now even though I’m pathologically prone to oversharing, but trust me, through years of being bullied, exploited, and, well, absolutely broke most of the time, I’ve become an expert when it comes to struggling.
I know how bad it is, but I also know that when you get to the bottom, the only way is up.
I’m at the bottom as I type this and my life is literally crumbling in front of my eyes, but I will rise from this hell one way or another. And I’ll be taking you along for the ride!
I had to quit my 9 to 5 about 10 months ago (it’s a long story, all you need to know is that if I didn’t, I’d be either dead or locked up in a psychiatric hospital. Yes, it was that bad.), and despite my best efforts, getting a new job didn’t really work out due to a whole series of unfortunate situations that were and still are completely out of my control. Also, to be honest, the idea of working for yet another psychopath is not really that appealing.
Deep down, I really decided I want to be free, work on projects I love, and be my own boss. Make no mistake, I’d still grab the first job I could find (I even applied for positions far below my previous employments), but I know I would not be happy.
So, what’s the logical next step for a broke human being trying to find a way to pay the bills without sacrificing his or her freedom in exchange for a miserable salary? One very popular option is going to YouTube and typing “How to make money online” in the search box. That’s exactly what I did.
Given the mechanics of YouTube monetization and the fact that the “personal finance” and “self-improvement” niches have one of the highest payouts for creators, it is not surprising that there are tens of thousands of videos about making money online from thousands of more or less successful creators.
There are a few that appear to have really “hacked the algorithm”. They pop out everywhere, have insane subscriber and view counts, and appear to be loved and praised by the community. They are gurus! I, obviously, focused on them in order to optimize my chances of success.
I spent countless hours watching their videos and countless more trying to replicate their results. There was always a voice in the background telling me there’s no way in hell any of these bovine defecations were going to work, yet they kept promising it was so “easy” that even “an eleven years old could make it”, that it’s “guaranteed to make me money” fast and in copious amounts. And they kept showing “proof” too — making sure to always refresh their stats page to erase any doubt I might possibly have about the factuality of their claims. I just had to believe them. I needed to. But deep down, I couldn’t.
As you might have guessed, these “gurus” are nothing more than a bunch of scammers, making a fortune by pretending to teach struggling people how to become as successful as they (apparently) are. The reality is much bleaker, obviously. They prey on the misfortune of others, exploiting them for the only thing they have left to spend — their time, which in turn, becomes money for these “gentlemen” once they cash in their ad revenue (or, perish the thought, the revenue from their courses and “masterclasses”).
What’s even worse is that not only is the majority of their advice completely worthless, but several of the techniques they teach could also cause you more than a headache, like getting your Google Ads account banned for life or even unknowingly turning you into a scammer, for instance.
I am genetically predisposed (seriously) to have an extremely intense sense of justice. Cool, you might think, but it has actually caused me more trouble than you would dare to imagine. Nevertheless, I can’t stand it anymore. There are literally hundreds if not thousands of scammers littering YouTube, enjoying all the perks their enormous followings bring, making tons of money by taking advantage of people that already have a challenging relationship with Mr. Murphy. It’s like stealing candy from a child, for fuck’s sake!
I have to act. I don’t really care about the fact that I am an unknown, broke creator with no following worth mentioning going to war against an elite army of established YouTubers, I have to do something.
Initially, I thought I’d go straight to YouTube and start posting videos calling out these fake gurus and explaining why their financially liberating revelations were nothing more than a truckload of good, old BS. But since I’m neither logistically nor mentally ready to get in front of a camera (or microphone) at the moment, I have modified my plan slightly: I’ll start on Medium. And once (and if) things take off, I’ll reconsider gifting you with my charming personality on YouTube.
And the best part? An idea sparked by my genuine will to help others has also led me to a path that could potentially help me solve my own struggles by giving me a reason to become a creator.
Yes, it’s going to take time, but I have plenty of it.
If you’ve made it this far, dear comrade, I wholeheartedly thank you and invite you to join me on this journey by keeping a watchful eye for the next part, in which I’ll start dissecting my first fake guru. It’ll get messy.
