NEW EMPLOYEE GRANTED 0.01% EQUITY FOR 100% OF LIFE
22 year-old Eric Peters called his parents in tears on Tuesday morning after getting an offer from his dream company: DogPayment, a VC-backed start-up that provides tax advice to retired veterinarians.
“Welcome to the family” beckoned his boss, Jeremy, who ironically had not seen his actual family in several months.
Eric, a recent arrival to San Francisco without any nearby friends or relatives, was overjoyed by the news, which means he will now be able to move out of the co-living space he currently shares with 9 roommates, into one he’ll share with 7.
In addition to all of the typical job perks — like hot showers, on-site laundry, and an in-office nap room — DogPayment will also provide Eric with 2 weeks vacation and a generous 0.01% stock package that vests over 9 years.
“I’m so ready to start CRUSHING IT!” posted Eric on Twitter at 9:18pm, after pouring himself a glass of beer from the DogPayment fridge. A rush of favourites and retweets flooded in from his new coworkers, who — still at work — stared obediently, unflinchingly, into the lifeless chasm of their computer screens.
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