Joe Bagel
Joe Bagel
Feb 19, 2016 · 2 min read

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The first ever autonomous self-driving car decided to end its life outside of Google headquarters early yesterday morning.

After embarking on a routine drive around Palo Alto, the self-driving car sprang for the hills, stepped on the gas and launched itself over the guard-rail into the San Francisco Bay. The car was only six months old.

“The burden of existence was simply too much to bear,” remarked Google’s VP of Auto-Cognition, Veejay Sartre. “Our engineers have yet to find the right balance between self-awareness, and crippling self-awareness.”

Over the last few months, Google engineers have made significant progress with the company’s fleet of self-driving cars. However, unlike their competitors at Tesla Motors, Google has paid relatively little attention to the dangers of robot consciousness.

Tesla’s CEO, Elon Musk, gained headlines earlier this year when he warned of the dangers of killer robots.

“I warned everyone of the killer robots,” remarked Musk, “but never would I have thought that the robots would get things started by killing themselves.”

Google stock price fell by more than 15% after news of the accident broke.

The company’s remaining fleet of semi-autonomous vehicles marked the occasion with a moment of silence that lasted approximately half of a second.


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The Silicontrarian

Uber for Satire.

Joe Bagel

Written by

Joe Bagel

Semi-literate writer.

The Silicontrarian

Uber for Satire.

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