Raising Humans, Not Just Kids
Parenting as a single dad with finite time and resources made me look at raising my children as if I am developing a product (product mindset unfortunately). The aim was not just to guide them through life’s lessons but to distill my experience into values that could be their anchors. Not every moment felt like I was getting it right. Sometimes I wondered if I was fumbling through the dark. I wondered, of all the values and principles one can teach, what is the most primordial, something that, if taught, would lead them to learn every other value on their own? The Occam’s razor of values. Something where I can truly walk the talk.
After a bunch of thought, I stripped everything down to three values as the most crucial foundations I could give them.
- Emotional resilience and empathy.
- A deep sense of curiosity.
- Adaptability and open-mindedness.
Teaching them emotional resilience went beyond the ability to simply “bounce back” from hardship. I wanted my kids to understand the world as it truly is, not just their own perspective. Empathy and resilience, to me, are inseparable. One without the other is incomplete. With empathy, resilience means more than survival, it becomes growth. It becomes connection. I wanted them to know their stories were part of something bigger, that others carry their own weights, their own dreams. Emotional resilience also is a cornerstone in cultivating positive self-worth and robust self-esteem.
- I have written enough about emotional resilience in “Building Better Children: The Key to Emotional Resilience”. And also the impact of video games.
Curiosity was our way of staying connected, of learning and growing together. With a story telling practice I called “3 Things,” we would pick random concepts and see where we could take them. “Cockroach,” “rocket,” “superconducting undulators.” It didn’t matter how absurd. As they asked questions and dug deeper, I watched their understanding unfold, hungry to know, to make sense, to ask “why” and “how.” Curiosity became more than a skill, it was the heartbeat of their growth, their way of stepping into the unknown with open eyes and open minds. I wanted it to an be instinct, a defense against easy answers and complacency.
Adaptability was another layer I hoped would be instinctive, not just to survive life’s twists but to embrace them with openness. For them, it wasn’t about just handling change. I wanted them to have the mental flexibility to see each challenge as an opportunity to reshape their understanding, to let go when needed, and to rebuild as circumstances shifted. But I didn’t want them to be swept away, I wanted them rooted, adaptable, not unmoored.
The glue that held all these values together was humor. If we could laugh, we could handle anything. Laughter was a reminder not to take ourselves too seriously, a reminder that growth doesn’t have to be grim or rigid. The absurd, the unexpected, even the challenging.
In the end, I hope they carry these values beyond anything I can imagine, that resilience, curiosity, and adaptability aren’t just lessons but the architecture of who we are. I want them to look into the world’s mess and beauty, feeling both fierce empathy and unbreakable strength, facing every moment with an unwavering inner compass. If they emerge as souls braver, kinder, and more relentless than I ever dreamed of being, then perhaps that is the truest measure of a life well lived.
