What People Really Mean When They Say “I’m Busy”

The phrase “I’m busy” has to the most socially versatile pair of words in existence.

“Lunch? Oh I can’t , I’m busy”

“Oh I can’t do that for you, I’m busy”

“Why do you think I’m so free? Don’t you know how busy I am?”

It’s kind of like social magic isn’t it? Two words ensure that no one can make you do something you don’t want to do. But other than being used as a tool of rejection, “I’m busy” is a mirror. It actually reflects something about yourself that you want to communicate to others, acting as a sort of ‘social signal’. In economics, this communication is known as ‘signalling’.

Signalling

In economics, signalling is conveying information which is supposed to lead to a change in the receiver’s behaviour or action. The most popular example of signalling is the function of university degrees when applying for jobs.

Employer X wants to hire an accountant for his firm but doesn’t know how to appraise the quality of his applicants.

Applicant Y wants to get hired and writes in his resume that he’s a National University of Singapore Business School university graduate, multiple time dean’s-lister and school valedictorian.

Employer X sees this information, and because Applicant A to X didn’t write their university qualifications in their resume, hires Applicant Y. (Even though he may not know in reality if Applicant Y cheated / paid / bamboozled his way to his qualifications)

People signal by displaying or communicating information in hopes that said information will translate into a change in behaviour or action in the other party.

Social Signalling

I’m a huge skeptic.

I personally have this belief that people don’t say things for no reason. This is why I strongly believe that ‘social signalling’ exists. I believe that people say things to achieve a specific objective, whether consciously or unconsciously. It is especially important in this social media dominated era to understand why people say or display the things they do.

“I’m Busy”

So what do people actually mean when they say “I’m busy”? Why do they say it? And what do they want to achieve by saying it?

1. Don’t you know? I’m a big deal.

Ever heard of the ‘humble brag’?

A strange modern phenomenon (or perhaps it’s nothing new…) is that being busy is supposed to be cool and respectable. Urbanites like to talk about experiences as a sort of cultural badge. The more you’re ‘experiencing’, the more culturally and socially respectable you are. Saying “I’m busy” becomes a means of commanding some sort of respect.

Which is kind of strange isn’t it? Technology was supposed to make us less busy, but we also want to get busier…?

Perhaps it’s also a way to raise one’s perceived social status. It’s human nature after all, to want to be seen as successful or powerful. The logic goes:

More busy = more work = more productivity = more money = higher social status

I personally believe that this ‘logic’ creates a dangerous culture. We become more concerned with looking busy rather than being busy. In the end, society loses out because less good is being done. Instead, there are a lot of people using up their energy trying to convince each other that something is being done, when it’s not.

2. It’d be real nice to have lunch, but I actually have XXX better things to do.

The reality in life is that we don’t have time for everybody, and this is actually a strong relationship test. I’ve been guilty of using “I’m busy” as a cover for saying “you’re not my priority” more times in my life than I can count.

On the flip side, I find that when I truly care about a person, I might say “I’m busy”, and then follow up by offering another credible date to meet. Humans aren’t really the greatest at truly hiding their feelings.

I’m not advertising this as a ‘rule of thumb’ to test your relationship though, because the actual rule of thumb is that actions speak louder than words.

3. I don’t feel like I can make time for you (even though I can).

Have you ever had this feeling where you reject an appointment or task even though deep down inside, you knew that you could make time for it if you really wanted to? I know I have.

“I’m busy” can be an expression of negativity. It says “I can’t” instead of “I can”. Here are a few ways you can replace the phrase “I’m busy”:

“I can’t meet up tonight, but I can catch you for lunch tomorrow, is that ok?”

“I can’t commit to helping you with this completely, but can I help you any other way?”

“I have an appointment at that time, but it’s not important, let me move things around”

There are things you can do and accomplish, even if you think you can’t.

4. I’m struggling, I need help.

After an examination of one’s self, at some point we have to give circumstance its due credit. Sometimes in life we just have too much on our plate that we can’t deal with both emotionally and physically.

At this point we might want to do some soul searching and find out if our priorities are right. We can ask ourselves if we can channel our energy better and if we can find a better way to do accomplish the tasks we’re currently working on.

Conclusion

I don’t like the phrase “I’m busy”. It’s vague and often reflects perception rather than truth. If it is just used as an expression of negativity, then it shouldn’t be used. If you’re using this two word phrase, maybe you should ask yourself if you really are busy. But if you really are busy, there is no shame in asking for help.

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