Necessary Narcissism? The Real Entrepreneur’s Dilemma
Sometimes, often even in the world of venture, founders are narcissists. In the beginning, it’s a survival trait — a healthy dose of narcissism is a requirement when you are creating something out of nothing that will DEFINITELY succeed (despite the odds). It gives founders a certain disregard for the human tendency to be biased to the downside scenario. Founders have to be confident and believe in themselves in order to take on the risks of starting a business — if they don’t believe, who will?!
But how is a founder to keep that confidence in check, to avoid it turning into arrogance?
It’s a trap for founders to fall into overconfidence — just ask Icarus. Whatsmore, founders often become so practiced at thwarting disbelievers and convincing themselves and everyone that they are right to the point of failing to truly hear what the market and customers are telling them. It’s common enough to be a not uncommon root cause of failure in my experience. Preventable, and yet, so understandable.
So, how can entrepreneurs avoid the pitfalls of narcissism? Some ideas:
- Awareness of your tendencies. If you find yourself thinking that you are right a lot, or that you are better or know more than others often, take a step back and notice the pattern. Your healthy ego is a strength but comes with a big weakness.
- ALL feedback is a gift. Talk to your co-founders, employees, and customers to get their input. This is not the same as taking their advice, you can still disagree and go your own way, but really hear it first. Listening without judgment helps you to see things from a different perspective and make better decisions. But be mindful if the overwhelming advice is contrary to your decision, that’s an opportunity to get very curious about what ideas you are attached to and why.
- Grow a team that owns decisions together. Remember that you are not the only smart person on earth, and if you’re good at building a team, you’re not the smartest person in the room either. The success of your business depends on the hard work and dedication of your team, and while avoiding groupthink is important, the wisdom of a high-performing team with high psychological ownership over a decision is hard to beat.
In addition to the above, here are some other things tactical things entrepreneurs can do to keep their narcissistic tendencies in check:
- Find a co-founder. Easier said than done, my first choice if it’s option. They should be someone who is not afraid to challenge you and who can help you to see things from a different perspective. Everyone needs someone who can tell them “No.”
- Join a peer group or mastermind group. This can be a great way to get feedback from people who are going through the same things as you. Founders find it harder to deny advice that comes from someone swimming in exactly the same waters.
- Get a therapist or a coach. Or both. A professional can help you understand your tendencies and develop strategies for managing them. Good ones understand that part of what you are paying for is to challenge your assumptions and beliefs so that new ones are possible.
- Hire a challenger. For founders who are serious about wanting to be challenged and don’t have a co-founder, hire someone who can’t help but give you direct feedback. (I find enneagram 8s to be particularly talented at not holding back.) But be forewarned, there’s an ocean between the intellectual understanding of needing feedback and the emotional reality of actually receiving it. Be ready.
It is important to remember that narcissism is a spectrum. Some people are more narcissistic than others, and some are downright toxic. However, even if you have some narcissistic tendencies, they can be healthy and you can still be a successful entrepreneur, in fact I think it’s more likely than if you didn’t have any. The key is to be aware of your own behavior and to take steps to manage its impact. And if you want to go deeper in thinking about what a healthy amount of narcissism is, I recommend Rethinking Narcissism as a read.
