A Letter for Those Who Endured
Find comfort in my openness and insecurity.
Want to confess my flaws and share the answers I’ve discovered, hoping they can resonate with you as well.
Despite being born into challenging circumstances, I’ve reached a point of reflection at the age of 21, where I can piece together the fragments of my journey.
I know deep down that I am not alone in this struggle. Each of us carries our own unique story, yet I believe we’ve all faced similar battles.
In my case, I was born into a family of warriors, quite literally. My grandfather, whom I shared a close bond with for most of my infant years, has since passed away. However, the only memory I have of him is the day of his funeral.
It’s as if he imparted valuable lessons to me, hidden within the recesses of my mind, knowing that one day I would need them. Strangely, when he passed, I didn’t feel the pain one might expect when losing a loved one. It was as if I didn’t truly know him, yet his presence lingered, waiting to reveal its significance.
As I look back on the experiences I went through, I now realize that I was being groomed to be a warrior, shaped by the trials and tribulations I encountered along the way. The details of my journey are filled with intriguing and poignant moments, but for brevity’s sake, I’ll spare you the intricacies.
What I aim to convey is a tale of raw emotions and personal growth. Through my story, I hope to evoke a sense of empathy and understanding, as we all grapple with our own battles, seeking solace and growth in the face of adversity.
I was forged in the fires of hardship from the moment I entered this world. Love was a scarce commodity, reserved only for moments of necessity.
An intriguing institution shaped me, teaching me to endure pain in all its forms. At the time, I had no inkling of the underlying purpose behind these trials. This relentless conditioning persisted until I reached the age of 11 or 12, leaving my memories riddled with inexplicable gaps.
With the aid of my father, I embarked on a journey to Canada, leaving behind the familiar comforts of my family back home. A mix of excitement and trepidation accompanied me, for I knew that returning would forever alter my perception of the world. The exact moment of transformation remained elusive.
Finally reunited with my father and other relatives who had already established a new life in Canada, I began my education around the age of 12. It was during these formative years that I encountered a peculiar form of bullying.
I suspect my tormentors sensed the dormant warrior within me, and their actions were intended to awaken and exploit it. As I grew older, the bullying persisted, though it took on a different guise, aimed at indoctrinating me into specific belief systems. It was not traditional bullying, but rather a form of programming reinforced by negative influences. At that time, I lacked the knowledge to resist, so I succumbed to their manipulations.
By the time high school arrived, I had a few girlfriends with whom I tried my best to navigate the complexities of love.
However, it was towards the end of high school that I met someone special during a school trip overseas. We connected instantly, and despite a voice within me raising doubts, I allowed myself to fall for her. I loved her, and I believe she loved me too.
Some time after, I unconsciously, began treating her in a manner that caused her immense pain, as if my very soul resisted the connection. Something felt amiss during those times. She loved me through these times though.
Few months after, she had invited me to her cottage with her family, far away from where I lived. During one peculiar night, after engaging in a conversation with her family, or perhaps a semblance of one, I became aware of the peculiar dynamics within her familial relationships.
It seemed that their connections were driven by necessity and fear, rather than genuine affection or closeness. And then, without any warning or indication, she abruptly turned against me. It was as if a switch had been flipped, altering her behaviour and emotions towards me.
This sudden transformation was disorienting and bewildering. The night before, she had been sharing her knowledge about celestial bodies and the wonders of the cosmos. This unexpected turn of events felt almost sadistic, reminiscent of the grooming I had endured in my youth.
It seemed like a test, or perhaps it was nothing more than relentless bullying. It was as if my entire life had unknowingly prepared me for this moment. But I had no choice. I had to release her from my grasp, even though my heart still held love for her. Deep down, I knew that my path would lead to a personal hell, and I refused to drag her into that abyss. I accepted my solitary existence.
From that day forward, the world treated me with an altered gaze. Gaslighting became a constant presence in my life, casting doubt upon my very being. Yet, within this darkness, I embarked on an internal quest for truth, stumbling upon fragmented memories of my grandfather.
A realization dawned upon me, as if a switch had been flipped within my own psyche. Suddenly, I felt like a paratrooper descending into a war zone stripped of traditional weapons and Armor. And there, amidst the vastness of the stars, the moon, and the sun, I found solace and answers.
I had always acknowledged their existence, but now I perceived them through a different lens — a conduit for my personal revelations.
As I delved into my past, fragmented memories began to piece themselves together like a puzzle.
I discovered solace beneath the starry skies and the warmth of sunny days, where my wounds found healing.
The rain washed away the mud from my skin as I pressed forward, determined to keep marching.
The gentle caress of the wind embraced me, offering comfort and reassurance. It was in these moments that I sensed I was becoming what I was meant to be — an ancient warrior, guided by a profound sense of purpose.
Days turned into battles, fought not with physical weapons but with the virtues I held dear. I adorned myself with heavenly garments, symbolizing the strength and resilience I had cultivated within.
Yet, as time passed, I began to realize that I didn’t have to constantly fight; I could learn to live, to embrace the fullness of my existence.
However, when I survey the state of the world around me, it becomes clear that we are forced into battle each day.
My heart aches for those who fear expressing their thoughts and opinions, silenced by the looming threat of scrutiny and criticism. I empathize with those who hesitate to help others for fear of being associated with them, burdened by the social implications that could follow.
Many are deprived of true freedom, confined by the soaring costs of living, unable to pursue their dreams. Walking the streets has become a constant exercise in vigilance, as safety feels increasingly elusive.
Even peaceful slumber is disrupted by the cacophony of insecure souls, compensating for their own insecurities with loud, disruptive behaviour.
In the name of freedom, we have unwittingly surrendered our right to be our authentic selves. We have relinquished our voice, our ability to stand up for what we believe in, and our right to live fully. Amidst this struggle, a war rages on, threatening our very evolutionary prosperity.
I cannot bear the thought of returning to this world and growing up without a thumb, simply because someone deems it demeaning.
I refuse to open my eyes to a future where clarity is clouded, leaving me with only one eye to perceive the beauty of existence. Nor do I wish to live a life with a single arm, deprived of the joy of embracing others, because society fears the vulnerability of a simple hug.
My words carry the weight of a warrior’s plea, a call to reclaim our true essence and fight for the freedom to be who we are meant to be. Let us rise above the limitations imposed upon us and reclaim our right to authenticity, compassion, and genuine connection. Together, we can rewrite the narrative and shape a world that celebrates individuality and fosters the prosperity of all.
Know that you are not alone, I will be here by your side, steadfast and strong. In times of darkness, I’ll be your guiding light, Through every struggle, I’ll help you fight.
When the weight of the world feels too much to bear, I offer my support, a comforting presence to share. No matter the challenges that come your way, Together we’ll face them.
Look up to the starry skies, vast and wide, They remind us of the beauty that resides inside. With each twinkling light, a message of hope, A reminder that in unity, we can cope.
When rain falls gently upon your face, Let it wash away worries, leaving behind a trace. Feel the touch of each drop, cleansing and pure, Renewing your spirit, making you feel secure.
Step onto the lush grass, so vibrant and green, Connect with nature’s embrace, tranquil and serene. Let the earth ground you, bring peace to your soul, In its presence, find strength to make you whole.
Through heartfelt words and actions, I’ll be there, To offer my support, showing you I truly care. Together we’ll navigate life’s winding path, With understanding and compassion, we’ll outlast.
Know that I am here, a constant presence near, Ready to listen, to comfort, to wipe away any tear. You are never alone, for I stand by your side, In this battle we face, together we’ll stride.
Didn’t mean to get poetic at the end but love has a way of flowing out of me.
