Forged in Fire
Embracing Peace and Resisting Allure
I was born in a realm inhabited by demons, the land of asuras. I was raised in a fiery kingdom that dominated and destroyed everything in its path. Throughout my childhood, I had beloved dogs, but sadly witnessed their untimely deaths repeatedly. Birds were kept in cages, and snakes preyed upon their eggs. I witnessed the birds being devoured by snakes, and in turn, saw my uncle severing the snakes in half.
While the concept of social evolution based on Darwin’s theory was taught to me, it never truly resonated. I heard the cries of disciplined dogs, yet being just a child, I couldn’t intervene. At times, the weight of it all became too much, and I acted out in destructive ways. I never held resentment towards anyone because this harsh reality was all I knew before the age of 11.
Raised by my grandfather, I always slept next to my grandmother, who shielded me from harm within our large household that accommodated around 12 people. My mother lived with us, although she was absent as a nurturing figure and instead resorted to quick discipline. She taught me mathematics and enforced the memorization of the multiplication table, resorting to discipline when I couldn’t meet those expectations.
I have a vivid memory of being dragged by my ankle from my room to the dining room as I wailed, unable to recite the multiplication table. The rest of my relatives watched in shock but did not intervene in the way I had hoped. I felt lifeless, drowning in sorrow as I was left there. This experience ignited a period of self-destructive behaviour. While I was never violent, I destroyed my toys, played soldier with toy guns, and recklessly rode my bike.
Despite the challenges I faced, I never harboured resentment towards anyone because this was the only reality I knew. My exposure to Western influences, including gaming consoles and explicit content, during that time gave me an impression of what the Western world was like.
When I arrived in Canada, my heart began to blossom, and I experienced a newfound attraction to women, which hadn’t been the case in my homeland. In grade 6, I developed a crush on someone who ended up bullying me and falsely accusing me of using offensive language. The teacher favoured the girl who lied over me, the one telling the truth. It was during this experience that I learned the meaning of profanity. Although I had studied English back home, I had not used it in such a manner.
My heart blossomed again in grade 8, but the person I admired didn’t reciprocate the same feelings. She pretended to like me out of pity, and I found no joy in that. From grades 9 to 12, I had various relationships, but two of them stood out as enjoyable experiences.
I recently realized a pattern where, unintentionally, I attracted individuals into my life who lacked inner peace. Sometimes I was persuaded into engaging in sexual encounters without fully understanding why. I don’t believe anyone is to blame for this. I also learned the art of emotional persuasion, seeking to win a girl’s heart through my good deeds and reserved qualities. I craved their love, which I hadn’t received from others, but given my tumultuous history with physical contact, sex wasn’t a priority for me.
Lately, I’ve adopted an approach that frees me from the clutches of social media and external influences as much as possible. In doing so, I discovered a profound sense of peace. Soon enough, a woman entered my life. Recognizing the pattern, I learned that every time another woman came into my life, it felt as though she was tailor-made for me, down to the smallest details. In my unruly past, I gravitated towards promiscuous and unruly women, as I lacked control. Now, I attract women of great intellect and submissive nature. They don’t persuade me against my will but entice me with their submissive charms.
Recently, I’ve found myself checking my phone more frequently than I’d like, anticipating messages from her. This behaviour bothers me because I don’t currently envision a future with her. I find peace when I’m in the embrace of my creator, and women tend to disrupt that tranquillity. While it doesn’t anger me, if they do disturb this dynamic, I can easily rectify it, as I was moulded in the fiery land. However, it’s precisely this fiery allure of women that captivates me. I often feel their charms permeating through my being, and I don’t despise that sensation.
Unlike before, when I fell for such charms, I now utilize them to create a symphony that only my creator comprehends. Although I long for the company of women, I could never fathom choosing one over my creator. No one and nothing, not even the creatures I grew up with, can offer the same comfort and peace that my creator provides. While I look forward to the women I will meet in the future, if they choose to come between me and my peace of mind, between me and my creator, they will lose me.
Though it may seem illogical, this is the hold my creator has over me, and it’s a hold I willingly surrender to. As a man forged in the land of fire, Lanka, the land of asuras, I will not surrender to any man or god, only to my Creator, with whom inner flame radiates brightly.
I fear I am not alone in this journey. I would willingly face trials and ordeals if it meant others could live their lives free from such burdens. However, it pains me to see that many still carry their own unseen struggles.
What about those who have endured even greater suffering, their voices trapped and silenced? What about those who have lived through unimaginable pain, unaware that it was not the norm but their harsh reality? I fear their cries will go unheard, their pasts buried beneath the weight of their own torment.
Although I have experienced my own share of trials and tribulations, I refuse to be defined by them. In the present moment, I strive to thrive despite the challenges that may expose me to vulnerability. The scars and wounds I bear may be visible, but they cannot bind me in shame.
It is my hope that by sharing my own story, I can inspire others to find the strength to confront their past and reclaim their narratives. Together, let us embark on a transformative journey towards the promised land of healing and empowerment.
I do not call unto you to proclaim yourselves as victims, but as warriors who survived a war waged on our spiritual sovereignty.
